Just a bit of a rant....

[Feelingthepressure123]

I'm feeling it at the minute and it's a struggle.
LAst few months have been abit of a slog, general homelife with kids, DH and work have all been abit OTT and hard to juggle. I was ill after a straight forward OP didn't go to plan which set me back, DH had a cancer scare, then my DF split from his longterm partner which resulted in him being basically homeless and me having to step in to help him find somewhere which hasn't been easy. Issues at work relates to staffing problems and as we're a small family company the load has fell to both myself and my DH to cover which has knock on with homelife...... then to add to it we found out a couple of weeks ago that FIL has incurable metastatic prostate cancer. In all of this I am being pulled from one to the other. DH needs me, MIL needs me, I also have DH grandmother offloading to me, FIL too (understandable) but he has also requested I help with all of his estate planning etc. The kids still don't know about FIL so their being kids and a bloody pain in the arse much of the time and have busy schedules themselves. At some point the kids will need to know about FIL which is a huge worry as they are close. On top of it staffing issues in work have only increased as my assistant has now gone on sick due to an operation which was planned for March being brought forward a short notice. My DF moves in his new place today which will be a great help but in the initial period will be bloody hard work for me and another one I will need to "worry" about.

Currently feeling like someone wants something all the time and I'm spinning plates at somepoint its going to all crash and I can feel myself drowning. Feel pretty drained at the minute. Trying to use the gym as a crutch to give myself time away but even this I can only squeeze in at 4.30am due to everything else. Which then means I'm knackered after work and snappy/short with the kids which is unfair but they really are not helping at all. I think they know things are unsettled and are acting up as result of them feeling uneasy!

I'm so sorry to read all of this OP, it sounds like an impossible load to deal with. I hope that setting it all down in your post has at least helped to organise it in your mind a bit - you're carrying so many burdens at once I can completely see how they must just feel like one huge weight, and perhaps itemising each one, assessing how it is contributing to the overall load might give you a bit of clarity.

Do you have any friends or siblings of your own/DH's who could share the load a little? (I'm assuming not or I'm sure you would have called on them already!) When I was coping with my mum's final illness - which went on for a good couple of years - my DB wasn't near enough to help out with the day to day stuff but he did come good at phoning to check in with me and letting me rant and get things off my chest, which was surprisingly helpful. Do you have any friends close by to help out with kids, taking them after school for playdates and tea or whatever to give you a bit of extra breathing space? It sounds like it might be time to sit the kids down and fill them in a little, even if it's just to say that FIL is unwell without giving them the whole upsetting picture immediately.

It also sounds like an awful lot for you to take on the estate planning help as well. Is there any local services that could help with this - I have a feeling Macmillan or Marie Curie might be able to point you in the direction of that kind of support?

Getting up at 4.30 for the gym doesn't seem like a very sustainable option, though I completely get that the time to yourself, doing something purely for yourself, is really valuable. Could you get out with DH and the kids this weekend? Prioritise some time for those you are most directly responsible for, and some space for you and DH to check in, talk and gather your strength for what's ahead.

My heart really goes out to you. Would you be able to fit in a walk at some point in the day - maybe combining it with something that you need to do (ie, pick up prescription from chemist - this was always my coping mechanism with my mum's many medications!) just to slow things down and give you a moment to empty your mind, look up at the sky and remind yourself that this awful time will pass. Not without pain, but you need to look after yourself enough to get to the other side.

Thank you for your reply and kind words.
DH is an only child so no options there & my sister lives 400 miles away so hard for her to help much.

I’m sure things will settle, a couple of weeks with getting my DF settled in his new home & I can relax with him, I just worry as he’s 75 so it’s alot for his age to be doing but I’m very fortunate that he’s a very active & healthy 75 yo.

DFIL unfortunately it very much is what it is with him now & whilst there is no way to cure it so we know it will eventually take him they are doing what they can to control and manage it but naturally it’s come as a big shock to everyone & everyone is trying to cope the best they can. DH seems to be a little better this week and seems to be getting his head around the news.

Work, we have to ride the storm for a little while it’s not forever & we will get back to a position of strength.

in the meantime I think me & DH need to try & make sure we’re communicating & sharing the load the best we can. Kids are just being kids bless them so i need to be more patient and remember that non of this is their fault.

feeling abit more positive this morning, enjoyed the gym & looking forward to swim & sauna and a good chat with my friend tonight whilst my eldest boy is at football training & then a snuggly family movie night tomorrow. Plan to get out for a walk on sunday and then a big sunday roast. Think some family time and chill will do us all some good. Family life is manic at the best of times so sometime reset will do us all good.

❤️

I’d recommend a valium and a martini, my sweet friend.
Sure, your problems will still be there tomorrow.
Sure, they’ll be worse tomorrow when you wake up with a hangover.
But for awhile today you just won’t give a shit about anything and there’s no better feeling than THAT.
Because you chased a valium with a martini!!! WOOHOO 🎉 🙌🏼 🥳
And if you need a hangover buddy??
🎶Call me - maybe it’s late but just call me.
Call me and I’ll be around🎶
Sending you love and moral support from California ❤️

ps I’m just joking btw. And stay out of the turpentine too!!!

It’s very tough being caught in the middle and being pulled in lots of directions. Be honest with the kids about the situation (they need to know; don’t hide the news about their GF) and hopefully they’ll calm down a bit. Enjoy your family time, prioritize.

haha I love this. Made me literally LOL!
THANK YOU! Just what I needed to read. Maybe I will drop my friend a text and swap the sauna and swim to a wine or a martini 🍸

❤

That does sound a lot op, no words of wisdom but a handhold. Any where you can get extra support, bring it in. I also find in times when the emotional load is a lot, thing like a chat to an old friend, booking one small thing to look forward to (massage used to be mine), or possibly getting a counsellor , or just writing it down and posting here for solidarity. Chat GPT is sometimes helpful too when I'm really confused about my feelings about things - the truth is these things just take time to work through emotionally but Chat GPT sort of at least helps with pinpointing things or brainstorming ideas - I absolutely never take it as gospel though.