am extremely upset and feel horrible please talk to me

[eenybeeny]

sorry to post this

I have been under a lot of stress lately much of which I have posted about. My grandpa is dying in a country I can not visit. We are having a lot of serious money problems. My son is going through a very trying stage emotionally and it is a very fragile balance with him so I am spending all my energy trying to keep him happy.

I have a really truly terrible job. I work as a waitress 2 nights a week. Yes I know that isnt much. That isnt what this is about.

Before I had DS I worked in admin then I didnt want to go back to work during the day so got this job. I am now training to be a registered childminder which is what I really want to do but will obviously take time to get started.

The main reason my job is so awful is the assistant manager who is always there hates me and she is truly abusive and mean to me each and every time she has the chance.

She swears at me, she has called me a fucking idiot for making a very simple mistake. She routinely excludes me from speaking to the other employees. If I stop working for even a second to get a drink she shouts at me and orders me around even though almost everyone there takes cigarette breaks and does drugs while at work (I do not do those things I hasten to add) She is really awful.

Months ago I started having proper panic attacks each time I had to work. At the time I was working 4 days a week so we cut my hours down. (hence money problems) Then I had to start taking diazapam just to stay together during a shift as she is really that bad to me. This woman is like no one I have ever met before.

Anyway I just phoned in sick. I have a migraine and I feel awful. Also it doesnt help that DS has had a very hard day and I dont look forward to leaving him even though I am only leaving him with DH. But nevertheless I do have a migraine. Anyway I told her I couldnt come in and she started swearing and saying "thanks a lot for that" and then hung up on me. I am so upset. I dont phone in sick often. I havent done so in ages. And I am really really good at my job when I am there I work very hard and dont mess up. I am just so upset. I dont know how to cope. I know what she is doing is illegal because it is major bullying in the workplace but I feel I havent got a case against her as I have never done the whole "write down what happens" thing for evidence.

And I can not afford to lose my job right now and also will find it hard to replace it. I just dont know what to do. Am at the end of my tether now.

It might also be worth speaking to your local CAB about ways to manage your finances in the meantime - they should be able to go through everything and help you work out a plan, for whatever circumstances you find yourself in. (Not suggesting you can't do this yourself, obviously, just that it can help to have sympathetic and impartial support.)

Good luck - she sounds vile and you don't deserve to be treated like this

If I were you, I wouldn't mention the drugs. Youv'e got to live in the same place as these people, I'd be constantly looking over my shoulder IYSWIM. Sounds like youv'e had enough s**t.

You sound overwhelmed, I'd just try and step away from this for an hr or two to get some prospective. For today, you don't have to go into work. Why don't you sleep on this and see how you feel in the morning? I don't mean think about going back there, but just mull the whole drama over in the morning?

I can't see this without posting - you are being bullied at work which is a hideous experience to have. From my own experience I would say that as soon as you start to take action against this woman you will start to regain your precious self confidence and self esteem. Make her life difficult and fight back, but remember you can do without this job and in 3 months time you will be doing something better. Hang in there, when I was bullied at work it was horrific, really devastating, I never ever thought of myself as someone who could be bullied.

just wanted to post an update. our financial situation was so dire I decided to swallow my pride and better feelings and not quit working there until I could find another job. So I phoned up today to get my rota for the week. The woman (I use this term loosely) answered the phone and said "are you actually going to turn up"

WTF - I was sick ONE DAY and I didnt just "not turn up" I phoned in 3 hours before I was due to start! I just said "yes" and hung up.

Very very very very depressed.

Then I called someone who offered me a job ages ago but I turned it down as it was on a much lower wage. Lower wage is looking better right now so I asked this woman if an offer was still on the table. She asked me to come in and speak to her tomorrow morning - which I am going to do. IF I get that job tomorrow morning I will quit my employers tomorrow immediately after. I have already written a very long letter detailing exactly why I am leaving and that I am looking into my rights. So... if I dont get this other job I guess I will have to turn up tomorrow to work otherwise we will literally have no money.

Will let you know what happens. DH wants to post my letter on MN as he thinks it is great but I am afraid people will critisize it and I cant take any criticism at the moment.

you poor thing - have also been bullied at work (although it was also a form of sexual harassment) and tried doing everything by the book, all it did was make others there view me as weak and a trouble-maker so if you DO go that route, make sure you aren't likely to see those people again.
If you can get constructive dismissal, great but could also mark you down for future employment. Such is the unfairness of life.

Still, you should go for it - these people shouldn't be allowed to get away with thinking that this sort of thing is acceptable.

I wish you all the luck with sorting it out. See how much you can sell on ebay while you're at it; my sister has 3 DDs under 5 and has also severe financial problems; she is an Avon rep, a Betterware rep and sells much stuff on ebay, as well as working weekends and a couple of evenings at Boots (her old job).

well I did it. I quit my job, handing in the letter detailing why I was leaving. I have a new job on a lot less pay and fewer hours so but I could not face working with that woman again.

good for you eenybeeny. You've taken some control over the situation and resigned. Hope you enjoy your new job. You should post your letter on this thread. Are you going to try for constructive dismissal?