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Can’t stop overthinking friendship loss

7 replies

Lizzbear · 18/01/2026 10:03

Ok so I need to know if anyone has ever felt like this and how did they get over it.
A good friend has asked me to give her complete space, as in no contact, and may or may not come back to our friendship.
This happened months ago as she’s not feeling able to cope with friends.
its hit me so hard as I have rejection sensitivity.
i worry that I will not be able to stop myself from messaging her for reassurance that we will be friends again once she’s feeling better.
I feel broken and unable to get on with my life. It’s become an all-consuming obsession and it’s hurting my family now as I am not normal.
Has anyone recovered from feeling lik this.
please be kind as I know it’s not normal to feel unable to get over this.

OP posts:
WryNecked · 18/01/2026 10:08

The best thing you can do to ensure your friend resumes contact with you when she feels up to it is to respect her wishes for no contact at the moment. If you contact her looking for guarantees she can’t or won’t currently give, you are making a positive outcome far less likely.

Lizzbear · 18/01/2026 10:11

Thank you.

OP posts:
kalokagathos · 18/01/2026 12:22

In the meantime, get some therapy for the ongoing issue you have

MyThreeWords · 18/01/2026 12:47

Could I ask which direction your rumination takes? It strikes me that it could focus on one of two possible things: yourself, or your relationship with this particular person.

Ruminations of the first sort would be focussed on you, and would include thoughts like "I am an awful person," "nobody really wants to spend time with me," "I always screw friendships up." These ruminations would stem from very low self-esteem and generalised social anxiety.

Ruminations of the second sort would be focussed on this other person and would perhaps have the quality of a 'crush' on her - not a sexualised crush necessarily, but an intensely emotional one.

Separating those two scenarios in your head might make it easier for you to plan strategies for overcoming the ruminations.

In the first case it would be important to find ways of focussing on raising your self-esteem and social confidence, perhaps through CBT (even the basic online CBT that GPs can usually point you towards).

In the second case, it might just be a case of giving yourself plenty of distractions ('catching' yourself when you are thinking about her, and diverting your thoughts, and just waiting for the crush-like quality of your thinking to die down (as it usually does if not fed). You could also ask yourself whati is missing from your actual social connections (with partner, family and other friends) to make you obsess about this particular person.

(I don't think that citing 'rejection sensitivity' is very helpful, by the way, as it is essentially just another set of words for stating your distress. It doesn't offer anything more than that.)

Lizzbear · 18/01/2026 13:20

MyThreewords
Thank you for your considered reply.
Unfortunately I think it’s a bit of the first and the second scenario.
It was a friendship that bolstered my confidence as she was good fun and intelligent so I felt flattered that she wanted to spend time with me. I now feel insecure and rejected.
Maybe I have developed a bit of a friend-crush on her now she’s unavailable.
I have got some therapy arranged but there’s a waiting list!
I just need to trust myself to be alright and not contact her. it’s horrible being obsessed over someone

OP posts:
WryNecked · 18/01/2026 13:43

Lizzbear · 18/01/2026 13:20

MyThreewords
Thank you for your considered reply.
Unfortunately I think it’s a bit of the first and the second scenario.
It was a friendship that bolstered my confidence as she was good fun and intelligent so I felt flattered that she wanted to spend time with me. I now feel insecure and rejected.
Maybe I have developed a bit of a friend-crush on her now she’s unavailable.
I have got some therapy arranged but there’s a waiting list!
I just need to trust myself to be alright and not contact her. it’s horrible being obsessed over someone

Well, it’s good you have this much insight, and I’m sure it will help once you’re able to access therapy, but, whichever scenario it is, your feelings, self-esteem, rumination patterns etc are your own issue to deal with, not hers. She clearly has her own problems to deal with, hence asking for space.

Lizzbear · 18/01/2026 17:04

Yes, you’re right. She does have her own issues and J need to try and sort mine out.

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