Hi,
Im a 38 year old mum of three, been in a relationship with my partner for almost 16 years now. I just feel awful all the time, its like a sadness that just doesnt go.
I know part of how I feel is my relationship, I don't think Im in love with him anymore. We rent, will never have our own home simply because of how terrible he is with money (Im a saver, hes a spender). Hes given the same amount of bill money each month for years, even though everything is more expensive and he earns more than me. Im finding I have no money from my wages, but he won't give anymore - he constantly either gets annoyed I've asked, or just tells me he cant.
I think what really annoys me, is he will buy himself new clothes and shoes all the time. When I'm literally sat in old clothes, letting another bill bounce. Ive had so many conversations about needing some help and nothing changes.
I used to have two jobs to bring in extra, but lost one of the jobs almost a year ago and the lack of extra money is hitting hard. I've tried to find other work that can fit my other job and the kids, but I cant! Ive tried to think of making things to sell at home but have had no success. I just cant juggle everything anymore and I'm lost, miserable and tired.
I tried to put money aside for Christmas all year, but the reality is Im now in debt with my credit card as I put the majority on there. I told him I was doing this and asked if he could help later on - we've now come to the help part and hes told me he cant.
Our rent goes up soon as well, its just another punch in the face.
I feel trapped, I hate waking up and cant see any way out.
I have no one family or friend wise that I'd want to share how I feel with. I guess I'm writing this here just so I can get some if my thoughts out.
Sorry to whoever reads this, bit depressing I know.