Is there hope?

[Weddingspeakup10]

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone could offer any advice.

I have just started a new job, I have been in it 3 months and I hate it. Its an Audit Manager role and I have realised its not just the new organisation I hate its the work itself and the constant tight budgets and deadlines and scrunity of my work.

It has began to make me so ill, I only see one way out which dosent result in me failing.

Just looking at my laptop, pass card makes me break out in a panic and I have a persistent overwhelming sense of sadness about going into work.

I have stopped eating as I don't feel hungry and I don't sleep.

I just sit there crying.

I feel so trapped and I'm unsure where else I can turn.

I recently went through a divorce so I am on my own with my two boys.

I've had to put my little boy in nursery full time and it breaks my heart as I just want to be with him, even if it's just a couple of days a week.

Thank you for listening.

OP I wonder if you may be clinically depressed. You have biological symptoms with loss of appetite and poor sleep.
It seems like this is affecting your thinking.
Clinical depression distorts feelings and thoughts and can make your thinking really irrational.
What do you mean by “I can only see one way out which doesn’t involve me failing?”
I am so proud of you for putting these feelings into words here.
But I think you need to see a mental health professional as soon as you can.
Your job sounds shitty, like many jobs are - if your mental health was good you would be able to ride this if it was important to you have this job - but it’s grown arms and legs at the moment.
My DP has just come out of a bout of really bad depression and anxiety and I got support here - he’s not quite 100% but miles and miles better but back at work - he did well on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication.
This will get better, I promise, but you need to get help.
If you’re in England your A&E will have a Mental Health Liaison Team and you could see someone face to face today, tomorrow or whatever.
Or go online and request a Gap appointment as soon as your GP practice open the online system on Monday morning - usually 8am

I think I could have.

I feel I can't function.

Last week I considered an overdose. I'm stuck in a job I hate, but if I leave it will look awful on my cv and I need a salary.

It's just the constant budgets, I just can't cope. It's so busy and I just sob.

The work is so fast paced and the constant reviewing is just soul crushing.

I really want part time work, I miss my son terribly 😔

You are very obviously clinically depressed. with suicidal ideation. Please please contact your GP asap on Monday morning,
or 111 now / Samaritans / ED,
if you feel worse before then (medical, not psych). Can someone come to look after you and children? Please take this seriously

How can I move jobs?

I will contact GP Monday, I can't go on feeling like this, it's horrible

It will look so bad on my CV but I can't cope with it

I agree with previous posters that you are depressed and not thinking straight.
Your health and your family are worth so much more than any job.
If you are worried about your CV, you could always leave this job off it completely and say you have had a planned career break for something such as caring for your children?
But please get help as soon as you can as you will feel much more positive with some support, therapy and possibly antidepressants.
Could you take a few days off sick to rest and think about what you want to do? You could self certify that you had flu if you didn’t want to disclose MH issues.
Be kind to yourself 💐💐

I will do, thank you so much xx

OP been thinking about you. When you see your GP mention you are having thoughts of taking an overdose. This will get better.

I have been thinking about this all night, feel so empty.

If I go to the GP, I risk losing my job, I don't really know how I can find anything else, but I'm on my own and I need a salary.

I feel hopeless

OP why does going to the GP risk losing your job? Feeling trapped and hopeless and ruminating on these feelings is what depression is. Not getting a break from these feelings of doom, dread, apprehension/fear/terror is depression. Irrational thinking and catastrophising is depression. It’s worse than a physical illness because you never, ever get a break. This is not you, this is an illness. But please take control back and see your GP. You will be OK, but it will take a few weeks. Is there anything you can do to get a bit of distraction right now? Depression makes it very hard to concentrate on things like TV, reading. Take it hour by hour.

I moved jobs and it made me feel like you feel. The anxiety was unreal. I handed in my notice after just a few weeks. I just leave it off my CV. The relief to walk out of there was enormous. No job is worth risking your health for.

I will see the GP tomorrow, no relief at the moment, I just can't shake off this job and the thought of going back for another week, so scared to open my computer. I'm now so anxious about ever going to another job incase the same thing happens again

OP I would suggest explaining your difficulties to your GP & request a sick note (preferably 4-6 weeks) to allow you space to breath & time to reflect on possible options.
Separation is going to trigger intense grief & added stress. As for your CV should you decide the job role isn’t suitable, I don’t suspect it to be a problem on future applications, you just state reason for leaving due to personally circumstances. It will be accepted.

if GP signs you off & you decide without the additional pressure & stress at home, you do like the job, perhaps you could discuss, cutting working days or hours.

Be gentle on yourself & allow yourself space to grieve & adjust to the circumstances 🫶🏼

You could also consider discussing your situation with your employer to see if there’s an option to adjust your role or take time off. Prioritize your well-being and don't hesitate to ask for help.

OP, honestly, please don't worry about how it will look on your CV. A short stint can easily be explained by the role simply not being a good fit, role not as described etc. All the recruiters and hiring managers I know (me included) would only raise an eyebrow if there was a history of repeated short stints with no real reason. Is there any way you could look at going back to your previous job?

OP just wondering how you are.

OP divorce can be brutal. Even if it's the right thing. It can take time.

There are other jobs. Universal credit. Get help. Don't suffer alone.

Hi,

I am not great at all.

Even of I give up this job, I have no idea how to move careers now at my age.

I won't be able to afford anything for the boys.

OP is it possible that depression is making it really hard to do your job and affecting the way you think of it? Is it also making you feel really negative about your future options? Depression distorts thinking massively. Most of us have jobs that are at best meh and at worst a daily grind to be endured, is it depression that makes your job feel so much much worse than this? Depression can also affect your concentration and performance. I do understand your fear though - the prospect of not being able to provide for children is infinitely worse than not being able to provide for ourselves and depression will magnify this. Did the GP have any suggestions? Thinking about you OP.

Get a new job asap and sod the cv just say in interview it wasnt for you

OP how’s it going? Hope you are getting through.