Can trauma be passed down to children?

[Namechangeddddd14393039576998689]

Hi all,

My auntie disclosed years ago that from the age of 5 to 11, she was sexually abused by my great grandfather. She says that my dad/uncle were in the bed when this happened. It's something that my dad has never spoken of, and weirdly he also says how much he loves my great grandfather. He also knows that she has disclosed abuse and still says how amazing he was. I don't understand this.

Can anyone help me make some sense of this please? Could he have been abused himself? I have always felt like some dark cloud was hanging over my dad and I wonder if this is it and that he could have supressed some of these memories as a child or perhaps he really didn't know it was happening.

The only person that can answer that is, presumably, no longer around.

Your dad can access therapy to help him lift the 'dark cloud' if he feels it necessary. Has your auntie had help?

It might be difficult for your dad to process all of this. He could have suppressed what he witnessed as a child, or he might not have fully understood what was happening at the time. His feelings toward your great grandfather might also be tied to denial or guilt. This could all be part of a larger family trauma.

Thanks for replying. No she hasn't, she is of the generation of keep quiet and get on with it.

My dad also never talks about his feelings ever, and you can see that he has so much going on under the surface, anger issues, trouble with relationships.

Yes you are most likely right. It's very hard to watch but feel powerless to do anything. I imagine he may have felt the same if he did know something.

It is never too late for either/both of them to put the past in it's rightful place and it doesn't have to be long-winded or painful. Only they can decide if it's an option they want to explore.