DD and her anxiety

[cerisepink889]

I am trying to help my daughter. She is 20 and has suffered with her mental health for the last 4 years. We paid for counselling when she was 16 and this worked for a bit. She is now on sertraline and although she is definitely managing better it hasn't completely eradicated her panic attacks.

I have never suffered with any type of mental health so this is all a massive learning curve for me. I am always busy and never bored - I also always think positive and I rarely feel down. I have never had a pyjama day and am up and ready for another fantastic day by 8am. Complete opposite to her

DD is very different to both me and my DH and we are struggling she rarely leaves her room everything scares her and she just sits on her phone all evening. She is very against any form of exercise as it is effort. Since starting sertraline she she is far more confident and happy she talks to people and can enjoy being out and about without worrying what will happen. She has a job and enjoys it but is always exhausted after a hard day at work so comes home and gets straight into bed and goes on her phone or talks to her friends via facetime. BUT this is when she has her panic attacks when she is happy and relaxed not when she is stressed or worried about something. They come from no where without any warning... and always at home when she is happy. Before sertaline she was getting sometimes 5 panic attacks a day often at work, in stressful situations or when having to do something when on her own but she had a warning and could feel it coming on but these which are far less frequent but are so debilitating for her.

She has always been extremely reliant on me and she now panics if I am not at home of an evening or out somewhere in case she needs me. I have also booked a holiday with my DH just for 3 nights and she will be home with her brother who is 18 and she thinks I am mean leaving her alone because she might need me.

I will always help her when she is having an attack and sit with her until she passes but she is now panicking that when we are away what happens.

My DH thinks I pander to it too much and maybe not pander to it when it happens but she starts getting really worked up and even more paniky if I don't go to her.

So what happens if she has to deal with one when I am not home? I can't always stay close to her just in case and as I said they are few and far between now but just more intense and with zero warning.

She needs psychotherapy, and maybe you could reflect on your relationship. Sounds like enmeshment?

Hows her brother’s mental health? What’s her relationship with DH like?

She needs more therapy to learn how to cope independently with her mental health. Part of the problem is the worry of having to rely on other people to help. Learning to cope herself will help massively for the future and give her the confidence to spread her wings a bit.

I was sectioned with an episode of hypomania. When I came home, I did lean on my DH initially for regulation as it had been a heck of an experience. But as soon as I was able, I focused on self-regulation and emotional independence. I couldn’t use him as my personal support blanket forever more.

If your daughter needs carers it needs to be a network of professional support. Family can care and help but a strategy that hinges on one person isn’t a viable strategy.

Struggling with mental health can make people self absorbed. That’s to be expected. And emeshment was probably always likely. It’s worked but it has to be a temporary scaffold while a more permanent structure is in place. Your DH language is emotive which never eases a situation. it needs professional framework. You need go contact GP or mental health services and explain situation. The language you use will impact the support you get. Dare I suggest a chat gpt to help you frame it.

what happens in these attacks? is it sudden dizziness or anything? it may be something else?

She says it is just an overwhelming fear and he legs go like jelly and then she feels like she can't breathe. Last night it happened slap bang in the middle of watching the traitors, before medication she had warning and they were far more frequent but rarely when she was relaxed usually when she was feeling stressed or anxious.

I think your daughter should contact her gp again and see if she’ll let you go along so you can say what’s happening from your perspective too. As I’m sure you’re aware this isn’t sustainable and your daughter needs more help through therapy / possibly medication (is it a side effect of the medication?). The problem with anxiety and phobias is that people then rely on someone or something else to make them feel better. I’ve suffered with anxiety /phobias / panic all my life and I recognise that tendency to use magical thinking e.g. I can only go to the dentist if my OH comes with me and if he can’t, then I’ll panic. Of course this isn’t true but your daughter will possibly need a lot of therapy to accept that she can cope with panic attacks. That they will always pass. That panic is a bodily reaction. CBT therapy is generally used for panic disorders (free in NHS but not always useful because time limited and computer based) but a good private CBT therapist is invaluable. personally I found psychodynamic and somatic therapy helped me understand why I had these attacks and CBT gave me coping skills. It may not seem like it now but it can definitely be overcome, it just takes education and time.