Can we talk about lack of libido?

[changednameagainobvs]

I feel I can't be the only one with this problem. I'm early sixties, have taken antidepressants on and off (more on!) for about 20 years, menopausal and on hrt patches.

I imagine a lot of people take antidepressants and lack of libido is a common side effect AFAIK. Likewise, menopause CAN cause lack of libido.

I tried testosterone - prescribed then zero interest in monitoring, about seven years ago - but got a lot of body hair wherever I applied it so stopped using it. I hadn't noticed any difference anyway. I've always been hairy and have dark hair so very noticeable. I'm scarred for life by all the comments during childhood/teens about why have I got a moustache etc! I now remove facial hair obviously.

Stopping antidepressants isn't an option, as then life isn't worth living. I know this would make a difference though, it has in the past. I take Duloxetine as I also have chronic pain and it helps - supposedly- with that and coming off it is an absolute nightmare, I've done that in the past and really don't want to go through it again.

On top of that is the weight gain that comes with taking antidepressants and menopause which I'm battling with.

I'm interested to know how others cope with this. Do I just resign myself to not wanting sex ever again and not climaxing? It's just so sad. It's not as if GPs have time to listen to this sort of problem or are able to prescribe something to help. We've no menopause clinics nearby and I'm not able to travel over 100 miles to the nearest one.

Sorry for the long post.

Have you someone you actually want to have sex with?

I don’t think this is all to do with menopause as quite a lot of women go through this at all ages. Your GP might surprise you also, do you get your antidepressants reviews every so often, Could you mention it then?

Yes I have a partner who wants sex.

Antidepressants are rarely reviewed these days, but no I haven't mentioned it, it seems trivial iykwim, they only seem interested in if I'm suicidal.

I’m not sure if my experience is directly relevant but I certainly know the impact of a low libido. Mine was low all through 30s and 40s. I went periodically to doctors about my mood but I didn’t trigger any concerns and was never offered any medication. They did accept my self referral for trauma therapy when lockdown accelerated my descent towards a mental health cliff edge. I fell off the edge anyway in my early 50s and I was hospitalised with an episode of hypomania. A diagnosis of bipolar meant I was put on a mood stabiliser. And ping my libido came back.

I don’t think GPs are equipped to deal with the intricateness of mental health. My GP prractice is really lovely but when I was struggling with sleep disturbance, they were talking not drinking caffiene after 2pm and the psychiatrist was this needs urgent treatment with sleep medication. I fall under the purview of the community mental health team now I’ve been hospitalised and diagnosed with a mood disorder. I also have a particularly good psychiatrist.

I don’t suspect you’ll be eligible for referral to CMHT but it’s worth asking. If you’re not, I would consider a private psychiatrist referral in your circumstances. Just so you know your options.

Thank you. I've been under the CMHT team before, they did nothing I think I'm ADHD and have requested an assessment but the waiting list is 3.5 years. I'm talking to the GPs MH professional in two weeks and am going to raise a lot of things with them. All I can get at the moment is CBT, which I've had twice and doesn't help at all. I'm glad you got the diagnosis and that it has helped.

How would I go about getting a private psychiatrist referral?

Just offering you solidarity as I also have a low libido on Sertraline (not menopausal age yet.)

I would be keen to know if there is a solution. I've also not raised with a doctor and don't want to come off Sertraline as it is life changing for me.

Yea but do you want it with them? Do you feel safe with them?

Yes I feel safe with him and want sex with him.

@3luckystars I don't think you understand low libido which is what the thread is about..

I have the same problem, when I’ve come off antidepressants I’ve had a libido and orgasm. Had to go back on the tablets due to a relapse in depression. I’m on Venlafaxine.

there are different antidepressants to try which don’t cause sexual problems ie Wellbutrin and there’s another one that I tried but I can’t remember the name of it but it made me tired and fat.

I think the other one would be mirtazapine.

Yes that’s it mirtazapine

I do. But there can be a lot of reasons for it.

I’m thinking of trying to go back on Wellbutrin, I think I may have to go private for that, not sure if it is available on the NHS. I used to pay privately for it when I lived in Spain and it was pricey.

@3luckystars you've joined a thread about mental health and libido, impact of AD's and keep continually asking the OP if they have a partner / if they feel safe with them etc. It doesn't seem like you get it...

My understanding was she was saying she has a partner who wants sex, but I’m asking does she actually want it with them? She seems to have tried everything but if the partner is the problem, no amount of anything will help.

@3luckystars it's just not really helpful is it? Clearly OP hasn't started a thread to be questioned on her partner. She's looking for advice & tips for libido...