Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Please, please help. Really needing some advice

31 replies

Bugsy73 · 08/01/2026 09:12

Hi,
My husband has suffered with depression for years and years. Had a rough childhood and I imagine there are attachment issues etc that impact.
He has managed with this, largely ignored it, for most of our marriage, however has really dipped over the last few months.
He is seeing the GP every few weeks for a check in and had a 6 week online CBT intervention over the summer, which he didn't find helpful.
He tried, with alot of encouragement, setraline for 6 weeks earlier last year but didn't like taking it and was really put off by the impact on his sexual function....He then tried a different AD (venflaxadine? I'm not sure) but stopped it after a few days.
He's being made redundant in a few months and its really impacting him.
He has agreed to discuss AD's again with the GP and maybe some private therapy?
Can anyone give my ANY advice about what might help - feeling so stressed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bugsy73 · 11/01/2026 15:06

PolyVagalNerve · 11/01/2026 12:43

Be careful of self diagnosis …
diagnosis helps to inform an appropriate treatment pathway -
get the problem wrong and you could wasted time / make matters worse with the wrong treatment
CPTSD is quite a popular self diagnosis currently, usually taken up by those who have had a several adverse life events and have mental health difficulties
look up the actual diagnostic information. From a reliable source
it is actual PTSD symptoms - real flashbacks / nightmares - where people actually believe they are re-experiencing traumatic events in real time again. Etc etc
with multiple traumas

taking Time and gaining a real diagnosis / formulation is critical to treatment

we wouldn’t self diagnose a serious physical condition and source treatment on that basis would we ??

Show quote history

You're absolutely right. I guess its just trying to find the right therapist to diagnose without wasting too much time or money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bugsy73 · 11/01/2026 15:08

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/01/2026 13:05

Trauma does not have to take months or years to resolve, nor does it require the person to relive the events that cause their distress; they are experiencing them every day. I recently worked with someone who went through eight years of psychodynamic therapy which did not resolve the problem. We cut the emotional ties to the past in three sessions.

What was the therapy that worked?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bugsy73 · 11/01/2026 15:14

Words · 11/01/2026 14:15

I totally sympathise, both as having lived with someone with severe depression and also having suffered several severe bouts myself.

The problem is that the illness saps one of energy, persistence and motivation which are exactly what is required to seek help and stay the course.

Sertraline worked for a while but am not on anything now. Good, quality, food for energy and nutrition are essential. Fresh air and country walking really help. A regular sleep routine as does anything that soothes and comforts, except alcohol. A regular daily routine helps me too.

I have seen a number of counsellors and therapists over the years and they have ranged from downright dangerous to ineffectual to absolutely life changing. Avoid anything AI based. It's a joke. Long term psychotherapy worked best and the lady I saw for several years was absolutely fabulous. She has now retired and moved away sadly.

He will need to try a few to see who fits best. Always ask about qualifications and what type of therapy they practice. You have to like the therapist or counsellor, I have found, and also it helps if you're of a similar educational background. Mutual points of reference really help. What works for some doesn't work for others. I found CBT a waste of time and that tinkly music that is supposed to 'balance the brain' infuriating, but others may find it helpful. I needed someone with empathy but who would also recognise when I was starting to wallow, and point this out.

My heart goes out to both of you. Trying to help someone who is in a pit of despair is really hard. I found even walking into the same room as my ex sapped my energy somehow. It was like the space was filled with a suffocating grey fog. I felt so helpless. That's why it's important to maintain your own interests and routine.

He is facing losing his job and the sexual dysfunction too must be very distressing. Suggest he looks around at the therapists available to you locally and encourage him also to persist with the medication for now - but it doesn't always help everyone and can initially make things feel worse.

Exercise does not need to be a full on gym routine. He is ill. Gentle walks and just doing one small constructive thing each day might be a good start.

All the best to both of you.

Thank you for your kindness xx

OP posts:
Weyoun14 · 11/01/2026 17:06

Bugsy73 · 11/01/2026 15:08

What was the therapy that worked?

Show quote history

OP. Therapy isn't like physical health medication. What works for one doesn't work for all. I'd also be especially wary of strangers online selling a cure in three sessions.

PolyVagalNerve · 11/01/2026 17:30

Bugsy73 · 11/01/2026 15:06

You're absolutely right. I guess its just trying to find the right therapist to diagnose without wasting too much time or money.

Show quote history

Many therapists / counsellors are rubbish at coming to a formulation / problem summary that actually fits with the patients actual current presentation -
it’s a minefield it truly is -
if GP says he has clinical depression,
look at the NICE guidelines for treating depression -
evidence based therapies are :
antidepressants - of which there are many that work in differing ways ..
psychotherapies :
CBT
interpersonal psychotherapy
psychodynamic
person centred
counselling approach
schema therapy

and most important is the therapeutic relationship with the therapist

best of luck x

Eyesopenwideawake · 11/01/2026 17:34

Bugsy73 · 11/01/2026 15:08

What was the therapy that worked?

Show quote history

Remedial hypnosis. There's a long running AMA on it (started by me).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page