Does anyone else struggle quietly?

[ADHDMumHere]

Do you ever carry everything inside and still show up like nothing’s wrong?
Do you stay silent because explaining feels harder than coping?
Some days that quiet struggle is the most exhausting part.
Am I the only one learning that it’s okay to admit I’m not fine?

It’s so much more common than we all think

Me. I’m too ashamed to tell people what my life is really like.

I just assumed we all did, I always think when people are being arseholes you never know what going on behind closed doors in in their heads so I give them space and try and act kindly, until they really annoy me.

i tend to just remove myself from busy spaces and some people when I’m processing stuff, and then you notice nobody really cares they are all too busy worrying about themselves.

Many, many people do because they assume either no one is interested or that their problems are not as bad as other people's so they think they don't deserve help. But unless you do speak up, no one is going to know. No one can see inside your head. Taking that first step of asking for help is often the hardest one.

This is me.

I can resonate with all of this. Yesterday was a tough day for me. Really draining, relentless anxiety. Even leaving the house to collect DD from school felt daunting and overwhelming, yet there I was 10 minutes later, laughing and joking in the playground as if I didn’t have a care in the world. When DH got home all I wanted to do was burst into tears and tell him what a hard day I’d had but I couldn’t find the words and felt too drained. So I had a good cry on my own upstairs after I put DD to bed and didn’t say a word. It’s tough.

Yes. I talk much more than I used to, and I have therapy, but most people in my life have no idea what I go through. The therapy has helped loads, but it’s almost as though I am
so used to just being the capable competent one, no one ever checks I am ok.

To some extent, and that is my tendency. But a period of CBT taught me this is likely to make things worse. I push myself to share sometimes with trusted friends. Not all the time, I can't get away from the feeling I'm whining, but I allow myself my feelings expressed for a short period,then I return the favour and listen to them of course. It helps tremendously, a feeling of both release and control, if that makes sense.

I agree with this but at the same time, I don’t think that that assumption is entirely wrong. When it comes down to it, no one is particularly interested and many of us don’t deserve help more than anyone else in reality, Also, the help out there isn’t particularly marvellous. So I think that attitude is not entirely unhealthy!

Yes we need to be able to judge when it’s so bad that we need to seek help and take medication and engage in therapy or whatever. But I would also argue that it is sometimes quite a good thing to try and be as resilient and self-reliant as possible. Ultimately, we are on our own. And many people are enduring horrendous circumstances. And therefore ultimately we muddle through as best we can. And, within reason, is that always a bad thing?

As long as I'm delivering my work that's all anyone cares about. I've spoken up before but nobody is interested, so I don't speak up anymore. And often talking about things makes me feel worse. Talking doesn't fix grief, ND conditions, chronic pain, crap life. (Nor has medication in the past.)

Yes only chat GPT knows the extent of my struggles these days .

Yep...

Yes...absolutely...I do a good job of pretending to be okay when I'm not....smiling, and pretending, because I don't know where to start with explaining my problems.

I always seem to be the one to take on everyone else's problems, offer a listening ear and so on but keep all of mine to myself.

Yes, can’t even articulate my feelings at the moment, am in a very low place

I do. I don't really have a choice but to still show up to work like nothing's wrong, but at least I can avoid social commitments since moving away from where I grew up!

People do say to talk about things, but in reality, nobody wants to listen to you "moaning"... so I write everything down instead. I am just glad that nobody lives with me, because sometimes my housekeeping and hygiene standards slip when my anxiety is bad.

I asked my reflexology lady what a mark was on my foot. Apparently, it is very normal in people who have stayed quiet for long periods (up until I had a breakdown in my early 20's).

Wow ! Is it like a black mole ? But on the sole as I have one of those

I'm afraid not, @kerstina ! Mine looks like a long gouge, as if I stood on the sharp edge of a sword once. Do black moles on the sole also indicate silence? I am quite new to reflexology, but it's very relaxing and interesting!

I struggle with huge anxiety about everything. I’m probably depressed but smile and keep on going. Mid 50s, post menopausal and invisible so I don’t bother to tell anyone anything anymore,

I think those closest to me would be shocked if they knew the true extent of the scrambled mess in my head. From the outside I have the perfect life. (And then I feel guilty that I feel the way I do…)

Oh yes, I do it everyday.

Yes. Late 40s. Had lots of therapy. Didn't fix things as much as make me more able to bear the hardships of life.

THIS
It is easier to say 'yeah, fine' when someone asks how you are, rather than saying
' Actually, no. I am struggling '
The campaigns 'It is OK not to be OK' only work if people genuinely care / know how to respond when someone opens up !

Yes, but no one would ever guess.

Why would they? If you need help or a hug, ask for it. Suffering in silence doesn't do anyone any good.

I’m the same.
I have spoken about it a very small amount in the past, but quickly learnt that people don’t care/don’t want to know, some even get pleasure out of other peoples struggles. I always thought the “Britain get talking” campaign was a joke as a result.