I'm not the only one then???

[unsureitsdepression]

I was going to ask your advice as to whether you think I'm depressed, but looking at other threads, it seems I might be.

Yesterday, dh said that he's worried about me because he thinks I'm depressed. The doctor thought I might be 2 years ago when ds was 16mths old. Since then, I thought by doing a full time course, I'd get back on track. I don't think I have.

I've rarely had sex since getting pregnant with ds 4 years ago - I just don't fancy my husband anymore. I don't know why. He's handsome, he's kind, he's funny, intelligent... etc.

I'm waking around 1-2am and not sleeping for another 3-4 hours. These last 5 days have been filled with a dreadful apathy and disinterest in life that yes, I am thinking it is depression.

Friends and dh have noticed I don't smile as much now as I did prior to ds.

This morning was bad, but then I perked up. So how can I be depressed if I sometimes feel normal?

I am teary quite a lot lately, due to thinking about my mum who died last July.

My life isn't bad. I have a well-behaved, healthy toddler, wonderful husband, nice (but untidy home), and we're financially comfortable.

It just isn't rational to be depressed so I'm very confused. What's going on? Am I? Aren't I?

I can't face seeing the GP or counsellor until I've done a general straw poll with you guys, cos I feel as though I'm being a hypochondriac.

I wish all you other ladies on this topic the happiness you deserve and I'm sorry to be so vague about my feeling low but whatever it is, is affecting my quality of life.

I was diagnosed with depression last week. That was after 3 trips to GP in a month. I'm glad it took me that many trips - if I'd gone straight in and explained how I felt and been labelled with depression, I'd have wondered whether it was a meaningful diagnosis. In that month I also had visits from my HV to try and help me with it. So don't feel dreadful if you go to your GP and come away feeling like nothing has changed. I think one of the things they judge depression on is the fact that it is ongoing rather than the occasional feeling of being down that everyone experiences, which means that you may well have to go several times.

That also makes me think of your other point - that you sometimes feel normal. I was just talking about this with a friend. Before I was diagnosed I felt that I either had to be down all the time, or I was just trying it on and not actually depressed. However, think about other illnesses (cos that's what depression is, an illness). If you had chicken pox and you had an hour or two feeling like you could get on with things, you wouldn't chuck out the camomile lotion and rush into work, would you? You'd think how lucky you were to be feeing a little better for a while and make the most of it, knowing that you still had the pox! I've also noticed that there are things that are so important that I will put a lot of energy into them - ds is the obvious example. I don't want to bring him down with me and I don't want him to suffer because I'm not well. So I throw everything I've got into my time with him, which means I know I will pay for it (usually by having a very bleak, black hour or two after he's gone to bed). But I think it is a priority worth having!

When you go to your GP, make sure it is one you know and trust. And be really really honest about how you feel too, give examples if necessary. Good luck and big hugs.

YES! the point about your ds! I feel that every ounce of my energy is put into mine and I love it, and yes, I feel so lonely when he's gone to bed!

What's that about?

My GP's fine but I would want to see the locum lady GP who doesn't have such a dismissive attitude. I'm also very scared of crying in front of people, I hate it. Hence my reticence about seeking help.

Hi UTD

I also have PND, and was diagnosed when dd was around 4 or 5 mnths old. I also suffered with it when i was younger.

Tbh, i think it does sound as though you have depression. Funnily enough not smiling as much as i used to tipped my dp off that i may be depressed. I refused to let him see me cry at first (sign of weakness, he won't like me if he sees me...yadda yadda yadda..." But i was crying and crying a lot. Like you, i didn't have much to worry about. Dd was sleeping well, i get on very well with dp etc, so i was surprised when i was diagnosed, but deep down i knew it. I also went through times when i felt normal as well, but maybe, looking back on it, it was because i was making myself feel okay.

Anyway, i just wanted to add my support. Fisil spoke a lot of sense there as well, so i don't really have much to add.
Apart from, take it easy, do go and see your gp and be totaly honest with him or her about how you feel. Also don't expect things to change over night, but be patient, they absolutly will get better. I feel quite good now, and there was a time when i couldn't honestly imagine feeling good again.
Oh and depression is far from rational, i'm still getting my head round it, and, like i say, i've been depressed on and off for years!
Hugs to you, and best wishes.

cat
xx

How are you feeling today?

Make sure you see the locum, then, even if it means waiting. How are your hvs?

Thanks for asking. Out of sorts this morning, not wanting to go to uni but as soon as my friends started chatting, it was like nothing was wrong.

Now I'm back at home with a resit (3rd time) to revise for for 10am tomorrow, I can feel that sinking feeling again (not surprising as you're usually off the course if you fail the third one!). But certainly nowhere near as bad as I felt from wednesday onwards last week!

These mood swings are driving me to distraction coupled with feeling so guilty about not having any reason to be depressed!

Are HVs still interested in my wellbeing??? DS is 3 now...

Need a poke up my backside though to get me to call the doctors. will think about it after tomorrow...

Thanks for both of your comments. It is nice not to be alone.

repeat after me: you do not need to have a reason to be depressed. It is an illness, not a self-indulgence.

Depression is an illness not a self indulgence...

ooh, that was meant to be italics. what did I do wrong?