When advice can’t apply to you

[Lifejigsaw]

I’ve purposefully posted this on the mental health board.

I have a diagnosed panic disorder which has always been linked to specific situations, and managed reasonably well with medication. But this year it has changed form a lot and I am much more stressed most of the time.

I moved house a few months ago after 8 years in my old place and have absolutely spiralled. I’ve read so much that says moving house is the most stressful thing you do and it’s normal to hate the house / have regret / very etc but to just ‘take a deep breathe’ or ‘give yourself a few days’.

But I can’t. It’s been 2 months and I’ve only managed to stay here about 50% of days, and most of those with someone else in the house. I’ve just come back after three weeks away and I only have to stay 4 night, but within an hour of being here I’m crying and spiralling.

I’ve upped my medication and started therapy, but wtf do I do if the house is still causing this level of distress?

Hey op, whats making you hate the house so much?

It’s just not ‘my house’, so I feel really uncomfortable here. I feel unsafe and lonelier even though I’ve lived alone for years. There are some legitimate issues with it too, not all of which are easily solvable, but I just have an overwhelming visceral reaction to being inside even though others have visited and said it’s lovely.

Avoidance of this will not help and delay progress.

Take steps to make it your house and keep doing that until it feels like your house.

You need to tolerate being their to learn whatever your feared outcome is is not going to happen - unless you are objectively at risk

I know that logically and understand it but I currently can’t eat or sleep when there.

it has my furniture in, my pictures etc, my candles so it smells right. It still made my skin crawl and I spend the whole time in flight mode

Is there any part of it that you feel better about than the rest?

If, for example, you feel more comfortable in the bedroom, can you set up a little nook there with chair, book, snacks, drink etc and spend your evenings there? Effectively get comfortable with one room first?

Id also make the effort to invite people over even if you’re feeling anxious. It’s a lot harder to overthink when you’re busy and having people who you trust in the space will help you trust the space.

On a practical note, is the house secure with working locks etc. If not, prioritise that. If so, repeating to yourself “I am safe here” will help.

You are in flight mode, but presumably you know you are not in actual danger.

You either continue to act on the flight feeling, which tells your brain the danger is real and makes it stronger next time you return to the house, or you put in more work to soothe yourself so that gradually the fear reduces.

What you are fearing most is the feeling of fear about the house, not the house itself.

Accept you feel afraid, do meditation, breath work and give the fear time to gradually subside. It may take time, it may be a case of slow progress.

What specifically is preventing you from eating or sleeping there?

The physical sensation of being so stressed. I guess the adrenaline. It kills my appetite and means I can't relax enough to get proper sleep. I 'slept' 12.30-7 last night and woke once/twice every hour fully alert.

I think it's a good idea to allow myself to spend more time in the rooms that feel 'safer' and slowly adjust. Maybe I'll move my TV up to my bedroom :D. Seems a better option than having to go stay with family.

Yes the problem with going to stay with family is you are telling yourself that the feelings are real and need you to act.

Do you do meditation or breathing exercises? Do these every time you wake up.

You have nothing to be afraid of. You're just stuck in a panic state.

I get it to a point I think, really struggle with anxiety over the last few years and moving house was similarly a big trigger for me, I just don't feel overly safe here am hyper vigilant and always catastrophising about things in relation to the house, area, my life here. I also live alone and just feel much less safe but I had lived in same area for a long long time..I think it's getting easier although everyday I think I just want to move back to where I was before (not possible).
I do think spending as much time at the house making it your own will help even if you don't feel able to stay overnight very much, make it feel as cosy and familiar and safe as possible. Good luck.