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So scared for my DD, OCD, anxiety & depression.

7 replies

sweetkitty · 03/01/2026 00:06

My DD couldn’t finish her last year at school due to anxiety. That was over 3 years ago, since then she has gotten worse and now has OCD. She very rarely leaves the house, no college/uni, work, friends, shopping etc.

Today she got out of bed at 5.30pm! She sleeps most of the day away probably as she is so depressed with her situation too.

In terms of help and support she has a CPN who was visiting her weekly but seems to have gone awol. First psychologist was a complete failure (nothing to do with DD but it left her very wary of MHPs), she’s been properly diagnosed by a psychiatrist and is due to start with a new psychologist soon. She takes sertraline and has done for years.

The OCD is awful to watch, she’s has “just right” OCD so even making a meal or showering is very tough for her. She is just a shadow of the happy, outgoing girl she once was.

I so want to help her and I’m terrified for her at the same time. I feel so guilty, was it something in her childhood which caused it? Did I miss something? Is it hereditary (I have depression and anxiety)? I just want her to live a normal 20 year olds life not locked away in her bedroom as life feels too hard for her.

Has anyone else had OCD like this or had a child suffer from it? What helped?

OP posts:
Mediumred · 03/01/2026 00:38

Oh goodness, nothing much helpful to advise bit just wanted to say am sure it is nothing you have done, you sound incredibly, and understandably, invested in helping her recovery. Mental health is so hard to unpick when it goes wrong - the intersection of environment, brain chemistry, inherited characteristics and experiences etc.

should her meds be reviewed? Maybe a higher dose or a different product.

and what does your daughter say she would like to happen?

handhold for you both

Ilovemychocolate · 03/01/2026 00:41

Can you afford private therapy?
I paid for my dd, helped a lot.
She is now on Prozac, sertraline did not work for her.
It’s so bloody hard isn’t it? X

Justsoupsetrn · 03/01/2026 00:50

I'm autistic and I could easily be a hermit if my sister didn't force me to do things somtimes. I have contamination OCD and my OCD also comes as intrusive thoughts which is never fun

I have found for me personally, the being "forced" is what actually helps. I hate the thought of it, I hate getting ready for it, I hate the travel, I enjoy myself at whatever activity/ get anxious / get stressed / enjoy / repeat cycle. Then I go home exhausted, but really glad I did it

My sister has "forced" me so many times to go and do things and the build up to going always stresses me out, but I do always enjoy myself and I'm always glad I've done it

I hate leaving the house even to this day. I'd much prefer to stay at home all the time, but I can't.

I got a dog a few years ago after I was attacked and having him has helped a lot as he needs to go out, the longer I've had him the further I've walked, I used to only quickly walk him around our house block where as now I'm comfortable taking him on a 90 minute walk ( I say comfortable, I'm still anxious and have intrusive thoughts but not to the point I can't leave the house anymore )

Do you drive? Could you push her, entice her to go on a late drive and park up somewhere and just sit for a while?

Grimysunflower · 03/01/2026 00:58

Hello, I'm a 31 year old woman who had very severe OCD from 17 years old.

I completed my last year of sixth form partly at home, I then dropped out of uni at 20 because of how severe it was. I find OCD quite a hard thing to explain because it really is quite broad. For me, in hindsight, I had OCD 'traits' in childhood (very perfectionist, worrier, not tolerant of uncertainty). It then just kind of grew and by the time I was 20 I too, like your daughter, wasn't leaving the house or getting out of bed etc. I do find OCD & depression go very hand in hand. It's almost like a seesaw, when the OCD has been too high and exhausting for so long, the depression swings in to give a break from it!

In terms of recovery, my parents in the end paid for private therapy sessions once a week. It was CBT ERP (exposure response prevention). They paid because the waitlist was so long, but if you're nearly at the point of seeing a psychologist that sounds good! Sometimes I find the NHS isn't great for not giving the length of time needed if people are quite severe, so it may be worth considering if you can 'top up' at the end with private. I received PIP which paid for the sessions, I would certainly recommend your daughter receives disability benefits as the horrible truth is you do often have to pay for private mental health help.

ERP for me was incredible, it absolutely helped tons with my OCD. I also have a family friend whose daughter had a similar struggle & was put in touch with me, she also recovered really well after ERP. I think I was a particularly complex case, mostly because of how severe the underlying perfectionism was in me plus I have a bit of a mood type disorder, so I do still receive PIP now and have my weekly therapist which allows me to now live a great life working, seeing friends, and not finding life a constant struggle!

I also know the Maudsley Centre in the UK is exceptional for OCD and you can get NHS referrals, we tried to push this through my local MP at one point. And the book 'Overcoming OCD' by David Veale & Rob Wilson is the gold standard self-help plus has a great bit for families and loved ones.

The good thing about OCD is that it really can get better. I think of it as a kind of maladaptive coping mechanism to uncertainty & eventually you can begin to sit with uncertainty and tolerate it more with the help of those therapies. It's particularly intense and cruel when you're in it, but thankfully absolutely can be treated.

It's been a huge part of my life & I'd be very happy to discuss anything else with you if it helps. Welcome to ask anything! I do want to say too that I definitely have a few linked mental health issues so I'm not the typical case still needing therapy in my 30s - and my therapy isn't for OCD at all, it's a bit more general and helping me work through big identity issues. Everyone I know with OCD really did recover so well after say a year or so of ERP!

P.S. Sorry, writing this off my phone so it's jumbled but I just remembered your concern about causing it. Please do not blame yourself, OCD is most likely a chemical thing or arises in sensitive people. It's absolutely not something to crucify yourself over. I have the most wonderful parents & have had such difficult struggles, if anything it's only caused our relationship to be stronger. You clearly care so much for your daughter, so try to be nice to yourself too. It's not your fault!

BrentfordForever · 03/01/2026 11:57

If she still has OCD and depression to this degree then meds are not working

the right antiD can sort this out and there are many out there (did she just stick with the first one they gave her?)

can you afford to get her seen privately so that this is addressed immediately?

sweetkitty · 04/01/2026 23:39

Sorry I haven’t been back to this thread, I’ll try and answer some questions, thank you all for your kind words and sharing your experiences.

DD receives Disability benefits now after trying for months to fill in the forms I completed them for her. She has an awful lot of money saved up now, she’s terrified of spending it (think it’s part of her anxiety and OCD), I don’t see the point of having £££s if you can’t enjoy life. She refuses to see a private therapist. I’m exhausted suggesting if, I even offered to pay.

I’ve heard of the Maudsley, it would be Ninewells for her. If this current round of psychology fails, I’m hoping she will be able to go there. It’s stressful enough trying to get her to take her sertraline nevermind something else. I’ll keep suggesting it to her as it’s obviously not working and she’s got worse since taking it.

The other day she got out of bed at 6pm, usually it’s around 3pm. It’s not a life at all. I just feel she does nothing to help herself, I’ve suggested walks and taking her out even just sitting on the car and going for a drive but she declines.

OP posts:
PearlTeapot · 05/01/2026 21:46

@Grimysunflower wrote a great post. Please try not to go down the hole of blaming yourself- I've had a great life at times that has still been totally savaged by just right ocd.

Rob Wilson and Professor Veale are who you need. The Overcoming OCD book is great but they also have their own private practice, https://overcomingocd.co.uk/who-we-are/ Chris Callow personally got me from housebound to living my life and he sees patients online.

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