Feel utterly hopeless and actually suicidal

[Sellingsunsets]

I've had many mental health struggles over the h years but I really feel at my all time lowest. I've suffered with anxiety and OCD for many years. I've been having some stuff going on lately and I just feel utterly hopeless. I genuinely feel like I want to die. Just to make the pain stop. One of my thenes of my OCD is fear of illness and death but right now the urge to not exist anymore is greater than the fear I have. I want to go to the go because i do recognise that I might need some help, I don't feel right in the head. But. I have a DS who is 3 and has SEN. I'm terrified that if I go and tell them how I feel they will take him away from me. He's my only reason for living right now and I'm terrified they'll take him from me. But I also feel like he deserves better and im struggling to be the mum I want to he right now. I don't know what to do.

He needs his mum. They won’t take him away. You could also ring Samaritans. I’ve rung a similar organisation before and the lady I spoke to was really lovely and wanted to help. There is lots of help available. Well done for posting on here. Do go to the GP and tell them what you’ve told us. They won’t take your child away just because you have OCD and depression

I also have OCD, generalised and health anxiety and chronic insomnia. It’s exhausting. You are not alone.

Hi OP,
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Do you have friends and family you can reach out to tonight? If one of my friends felt like this I would hope they would contact me.

it sounds so trite to say this- but it is true- things get better. Bad times do pass. I like to think of the saying - if the going gets tough just keep going.

crucially I would look at whether you can get a prescription for medication to support you.
I understand your worry about losing your son but I think seeking support and recognising when you need help are positive things. They show you as a protective parent.

if you want to private message me feel free to.

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way OP, well done for reaching out

another vote for calling Samaritans if you need to, I’ve rung them a few times and they’re amazing to talk to. No one will take your son if you say you need help

Op i am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you feel tormented with your mental health problems. You absolutely do need to reach out and tell someone in real life how youre feeling. Please tell your GP. You can get better and you can have a bright future. Please speak to someone. Sending lots of love xxxx

I Know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you are utterly irreplaceable to your DS. There is help out there for you and he will not be taken away for this, people just want to help. There are brighter days ahead for you OP, hang in there and well done for being brave and posting here x

Hey OP, please speak to your doctor and try some medication if you haven’t already. It can change lives.

Sending a hug and a cup of tea ☕️

How are you doing op. I hope you have had a better day and that you’ve managed to ask for some support to help you through this horrible time.

a nice GP and/or therapist could make a huge difference to you and you and your child are worthy of support. I am thinking of you.