How to not care about what others think of me?

[lauribec]

I’ve promised myself this year I’m going to stop obsessing over people’s opinions of me - I’m convinced most people dislike me and it makes me quite sad.

Been quite happy over Christmas and last night we had friends over, OH got pretty drunk and really spoilt the evening after they left (quite common if he’s had a drink) now I’m feeling miserable. He had made comments about how we ruined our kids lives having them young (always tried to make their childhoods good - picnics, adventures, soft play, swimming etc) he then went on to say we ruined it again having our 3rd later on. I’ve been awake a lot of the night really sad about how they’re getting older now and don’t need me so much etc and missing the little versions of them 😫

Mum at school was all over my OH at a wedding in the summer, she and her friends look right through me like I don’t exist and it makes my heart race? I hate it. They have money, work jobs that have made them quite big headed and I’m just here scraping by.

We live in such a two faced area, nobody is truely that good a friend to people. The secrets they keep about each other are horrible (friends sleeping with other friends partners etc) I do feel lonely having no friends but deep down know it’s probably for the best.

I just want to be happy in my own little bubble (I actually like my own company to a degree) but desperately need to learn to not give a second thought to these types of people. Any suggestions?

Sorry for rambling and thank you for being the friends I don’t have in the real world! 😂🥰

I think it's about confidence, and liking yourself. If you're happy with who you are, it's easier to not care what others think.

I've also only tend to worry about the opinions of people I respect or love. People who are two faced or gossips or have their own faults that I dislike - why should their thoughts about me matter to me?

most people are far to self-obsessed to actually be thinking much about you at all

Sounds like you'd be a lot happier if it were just you and the children.

I think you’re right and your comment is really helpful - these people mean nothing to me (I really don’t think they’re nice people! Just nasty and make me feel rubbish when they look down their nose at me, or pretend I’m invisible 😅) so I will try my best to not give them a second thought.

Big issue for me is definitely my confidence, I’ve really struggled the past couple of years and it’s taken a lot to get myself out of that rut. Definitely wasn’t looking or feeling my best either which hasn’t helped. Hoping making a little effort with myself on that front will help my confidence!

I love this, it’s so true and I hadn’t really thought of it this way! This one particular mum definitely is, everything about her just screams “give me attention” so guessing she cares more about that than little old me 😂🫣

Sometimes I think this, other times not so much. This morning the first thing he’s done is shout and swear at middle child for having his TV on too loudly, calling him selfish for waking people up (we were already awake!) 😫

I'm afraid it's going to be hard to build your confidence with such a critical and unkind man in your home. He's also going to squash your kids self worth too.

Fast forward 20 years. How do you think your children will describe their own childhoods?

Your confidence and happiness is tied up to that vile man, like a bunch of balloons tangled in an electrical wire. It can never soar freely until it's untangled.

It's radical, but (I did) choose to leave and live single with my children in similar circumstances. And yes it was hard. But the rewards are a thousandfold. I am me now, I am free. I know myself. I don't put up with bullshit. You can have that too, it's like stepping off a cliff at first, but there's a boat at the bottom to carry you and the kids. You can build that boat.

You get one life. Tiny short unrepeatable life. To spend it trapped with an aggressive dickhead, wasting your one shot..

I say this to boost you. You can do it. People do. The kids would so clearly benefit from a safe calm space alone with you. Ask me how I know. It's a fact.

And as for those shallow boring women, just cut them off. Better to have nothing than those losers! They can become nothing to you. Stay here and gain strength from us lot who know, who care, who can light the path for you to get out. Don't tell him anything of your plans, if you do choose freedom..he doesn't deserve to know until it's in action.