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How do you cope with parent with MH issues

2 replies

Betty1625 · 21/12/2025 22:01

My mum has some serious MH issues,shes had them for as long as I can remember... I now live in a different country, I have family (2 kids) and struggle myself when my mums MH deteriorates. She is not ok current (probably been having issues for a past month), sometimes paranoia, other times obsessive thoughts, etc etc... she's very needy, calls me often, tries to call my sibling (they most often don't answer), then calls me again to find out why my sibling is not answering her calls.
I find that my DMs MH issues are increasingly affecting my mood, I think I have anxiety, almost constantly worry about her wellbeing as she lives alone.
Any mumsnetters in a similar situation? How do you cope?

OP posts:
MrLarsonsNailGun · 21/12/2025 22:20

OP I really feel for you.

As the ‘responsible’ child, I have dealt with this all my life, from supporting said parent, to running things in their absence, to supporting them through being institutionalised and being the target of their rage when things got too much.

It got to a point where their MH issues dominated and they were paranoid and nothing I could say or do impacted or helped and our relationship deteriorated to the point where I had to make the decision to step away for my own sanity.

I finally said to myself, why is their wellbeing ahead of my own, and the answer was, it shouldn’t be, I had other siblings (as do you!) to take the strain for a while so I could put myself back together.

In this period they hit rock bottom and had intervention from professional services and they are now on medication and can cope with life much better. Our relationship is now much improved, on occasion when things arise now, I find it much easier to step back and let things play out without intervening too much (or if at all!).

I am also a parent and prioritising me so I can prioritise DC is of utmost importance. Be kind to yourself and do the right thing by you and your family, it sounds like you have done the heavy lifting for a long time and it’s time for someone to step in and take the reins for a while (your Mum, your sibling, MH services). Stop sacrificing your happiness and wellbeing for others and start thinking about what your and your DC need to have a happy life. Don’t feel bad about it, it gets easier with time, the hardest bit is stepping back.

Betty1625 · 22/12/2025 21:44

@MrLarsonsNailGun thank you for the supportive message and sorry that you have been in a similar situation.
I understand that I must prioritise my children's wellbeing and make sure I look after myself so that I can be the best parent I can be for them. It's been so hard recently, I don't know what's normal anymore when it comes to my DMs behaviour...also have been feeling resentful towards her 😩

OP posts:
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