Divorcing and surviving through Xmas alone.

[thatsthatsaidthemayor]

Is there a thread I’ve missed.? Going through divorce. Empty nester. First Christmas without kids (in their 20’s) and OH. Just feel
like I have to get through somehow. Anyone in the same boat?

Instead of feeling "like I have to get through somehow" think of it as an oasis of calm and time to yourself without having to put other people first, or referee arguments or cook mountains of food. You can do exactly what you like, and if that means staying in bed and eating chocolate (or raw carrot sticks!) then you don't have to explain your choices to anyone. Enjoy.

I’m trying to get through it too after grief has returned from losing my husband 3 years ago in January - it’s awful - I just cry everyday - haven’t done and am not doing anything to prepare - hoping to just let it go by but it’s going be painful

I am divorced and kids have grown up and fled the nest.
To those who are spending it alone through bereavement I am truly sorry for your loss and I understand how daunting the prospect of Christmas alone must be.
For me, though, I have had some really lovely Christmases and some utter disasters and everything in between.
So last year I was actually excited at the prospect.
I picked up a massive Chinese takeaway on Christmas Eve and popped it in the fridge.
For 4 heavenly days I saw no-one.
I spent quality time with my guitars, music, TV and more Crispy Duck and Chow Mein than you could imagine.
Drink also was taken.
I had invites from horrified friends who said, "But you can't spend it on your own! You must come to us. The whole family will be there."
Of course they meant well and I am lucky to have such friends who care.
But having spent so many Christmases with my own dysfunctional family, and all of the attendant dramas and arguments that entailed, do I really want to spend it with yours?
It was honestly bliss. I didn't upset anyone with my witty but often wholly inappropriate comments.
I didn't disappoint anyone with a badly chosen present. I didn't get into a scene of, "MY mother?......What about YOUR mother!"
I left the toilet seat up and, astonishingly, nobody died.
I will be doing it again this year.
I wish everyone the Christmas they hope for and, to those who are lonely and dreading it, I will quietly raise a glass to you and hope you get through it.
I know you will.

I found out my then-husband was cheating the first week in December a few years ago now, and we split (I stayed in the house). I was invited to various (lovely) family members for Christmas but wasn’t up to it, and stayed home on my own. It was bliss. Lounged around in my pjs, watched films with my dogs and cats, ate what I liked, generally chilled out with no pressure or expectations. It was really great and I recommend it!

Well, actually what you have this Xmas is ky goal. Trapped in an unhappy marriage, burdened with caring for elderly relatives who only ever let me down.

I’m going through this but with no DC - just me and my dog. Still living with DH until house sells (deep joy).

I’ve just tried to look at it as a way to do Christmas in a different way. I spent some time in London last week doing Christmas flavoured things like seeing the lights, going to Liberty of London, etc.

I’ve rented a tiny cottage in Dorset for 23rd-27th - just me and the dog. Planning a chilled Christmas Day in new PJs and cashmere socks. Lots of Waitrose ‘chuck it in the oven’ food and a big list of the best TV & films from the year to binge. Going to find a pub to have a drink in on Christmas Eve and soak up the atmosphere and then will throw in a few bracing dog walks.

Obvs I’ve gone through moments of feeling sad / lonely but I’ve really focused on my mindset about the whole thing and it’s massively paid off.

Sorry. I’m just looking for a little support. Christmas has always been a really important positive time with my immediate family I’ve been having a breakdown. Been in a psychiatric unit and have realised I just have to lower my expectations and get through somehow this year I will survive. Next year I will thrive. I’m able to spend Christmas with my brother. But my loss is raw and new. I’m better off than some but I am honestly struggling and just wondered if anyone wanted to handhold through this. X

I’m sorry :(

❤️ I had no idea until now how hard this season could be. I knew. But I didn’t know. X

The media make out that Christmas should all be about spending lots of money, eating lots of food, being with lots of people, drinking, presents, partying. But that should only be the case if you want to do all of those things. Being alone at Christmas is seen as a negative thing, however it is not negative. There is nothing wrong with being on your own and/or not celebrating. Lots of people have to work on Christmas Day. You can also volunteer at a local hospital, care home, homeless shelter.

please try to see that being on your own for this one day of the year, is a positive thing. It’s all about you and what you want YP for on that day.

A lot of churches have 'Blue Christmas' services which are supportive and reflective rather than all cheerful and jolly. Not 'in your face religious' either. A lot of people find Christmas difficult and many organisations offer support.

I’m not on my own. Just 1 st Christmas in 30yrs without my others. Last year we all really cut back on presents. Just 2 a person from a charity shop. I’m signed up to volunteer with a homeless shelter. The first Christmas without my kids is plain hard. Just looking for others who can / need support. X

Sorry. Realised my title is wrong. Feel alone. Am no alone alone.

I don’t think you have any idea about what we are alluding to - and I’m glad for you that you don’t

I already know I can be alone at Xmas - but there’s a difference between choosing that and being grief stricken

I hear you and have a similar story - breakdown - time in hospital - was doing a bit better and then had some devastating news which has floored me

I know how you’re feeling. I’m feeling it too if there’s any comfort 💔

and hold the hope that I’ll be enjoying next Xmas 🥰🥰🥰

All the comments in here like this one a so belittling

I don’t think you have any idea about what OP is describing

Thank you. If anyone wants to continue this thread over the next few days I’d appreciate the company. X

I’m feeling as positive as I can and hope that you can aswell. This year survive. Next year thrive. ❤️

Im sorry op, 2012 was an awful Christmas for me, I had to take my self off to cry on the day and I just got through it. Looking back it was tough. I cant offer any advice but get through the day any way that you can , when you go to bed on the 25th its over and in 2012 I kept a secret count of the hours until bedtime. Sending you a hug xx

Thanks 1990. Good to hear that others have got through. ❤️

I agree, but based on the OP's first post it was good (ish) advice. Only later in the thread did it become clear that she is feeling very fragile and in need of company rather than coping strategies.

Thanks eyeswideopen. Keeping myself occupied. Trying not to stalk DD with OH. Does anyone else want to check in?