How to go about possibly having depression? I've never felt like this before.

[ForeverHopeful3]

I have been going through a rough time ever since I ended a relationship back in May. My mental health has deteriorated terribly, even though I am keeping myself busy with activities, work, my dogs. It just feels like I am living day to day. I have really relied on God and my faith to help me through this darkness. But over the weekend, I had a really bad episode and I am 99% sure that I have clinical depression of some degree.

A part of me doesn't want to believe it because I am the type of person who likes to see the positive, or "silver lining", in all situations. I've never, ever been like this before.

My dilemma is that I am hesitant to go see a doctor because I don't want to take any drugs. So what else will the doctor do if I don't want to be on pharma drugs?

I'm sorry, I just don't know where to start with any of this.

Today was a pretty good day, but I am anxiously waiting for that feeling of utter sadness and loneliness to come back at any minute. 😢😭

PS: I have no friends or family I can talk to.

Exercise, sleep, eat healthily, talk to someone about how you're feeling. It's normal to feel.like this at the end of a relationship, it's grief. But you will come out the other end. A doctor wouldn't usually prescribe drugs straight away, you'd very offered sone sort of counselling usually.

Go onto YouTube and listen to Understanding Depression and Finding Freedom by Dorothy Rowe.

You don't need drugs, just an understanding of why you are feeling depressed and some guidance how to get out of it.

Best of luck.

The doctor may be able to offer you a talking therapy?

try and analyse what things make you feel a tiny bit better (eg music, exercise, getting outside etc) and make sure you do those things every day. It takes time but you will hopefully start to feel better.

I mean ultimately you have to do something, if you need medication why refuse it? You haven’t even tried it to be writing it off.

the hard truth is that someone like you, who has no support system, is going to be more likely to develop depression and need medication. So maybe stop being resistant to it and just open the discussion with your GP before it gets worse. The people who are going to be able to avoid depression by looking at the silver living, are going to be those with robust support systems. It’s probably time for you to be honest about where you’re at with things.

A few thoughts, I'm someone who can get depression.

A thing to bear in mind is that we are in the darkest period of winter, it's only a few days until winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, so seasonal depression will be at its peak. Taking vitamin D, going for walks in the day, and considering a SAD lamp may help with that closed in feeling and negative thoughts. Additionally, avoiding or limiting alcohol, and trying to eat healthily will help lift mood.

If you're doing that and still struggling, or don't feel able to even do the bare minimum, there's either therapy or medication.

I've had it enough times to know now that for me, getting in early enough is the key. If I can either get some therapy or start meds as soon as I become aware that my thoughts aren't 'normal' anymore and my stress levels are extremly high, or as soon as possible, I can weather my way through it.

Either way, I don't think either are an overnight fix, it still takes a few months for me to just stabilise. Recovery isn't fast.

The PP who talked about support systems also has a very good point.

Thank you, dear friends, for all the advice, support, and hard truths.

I took an online diagnostic test for a mental health facility and it came back with Moderately-severe depression. I reached out to an in-person clinic so hopefully they get back to me soon.

I am working out almost every day because the gym is the only place I go to, I have zero appetite, even if I am hungry I literally don't feel like eating on most days. I used to weight 120 pounds before this started, now I am scared to get on the scale because all my clothes are too big, which means that this has caused severe weight loss and I guess I didn't want to admit that physically, it's starting to take a toll on my body too.

The breakup happened in May, but I am getting worse, not better. Today was another bad day, after feeling so good yesterday😥I am exhausted from this roller coaster and just want to go back to being the old me.

Thank you💙

Really sorry to hear how you're feeling OP, these feelings are heavy and hard. The thing that struck me also is that these feelings have escalated following a relationship ending and now your way of coping is on your own. I wonder if this is historically the case for how you have managed difficult times? I was also wondering about what you do in the moments these feelings are very strong, if you tend to distract yourself or get busy with something else?
It sounds like you are doing helpful things to look after yourself but I also wonder if a therapeutic relationship might be a good idea at the moment? Someone to walk alongside you through this. It won't be a miracle cure and may open old wounds but perhaps now is the time to look at some of what you are living with. Good luck to you and hope you have a good Christmas. Take care.

Sorry to hear this OP- definitely go to the GP as they don't only have drug options. They can get you on a waiting list for talking therapy and also do 'social prescribing' which should help as you say you don't have friends (social isolation is one of the biggest risk factors for poor mental health)
Good luck!

depression can also be a side effect of nutritional deficiencies which it sounds like you may have if you are not eating enough and losing weight, or something else can be going on in your body to suppress appetite. Let your GP know about your weight loss and lack of appetite so that they can run bloods for you too.