Controlling intrusive thoughts as FTM

[Preg1989]

I’m starting to struggle, as my son gets older, with what I would call intrusive thoughts.

I worry about random things, causing my son to die. I try to rationally think my way back out but sometimes it’s so intense, I feel my heart palpitating.

for example, while walking today, I could hear a small burn bubbling away and my mind went to what would happen if my son went near this burn without me, then fell in and drowned. How would I deal with this, how would I ever recover, I would commit suicide if my baby died. Then that would doubly hurt my husband and family and how could I do this… and on it goes until I can talk myself back from the edge. I try to be rational, that burn has been there forever, how many people have you heard falling in, how many people do you know that have died young, you’ll teach him to stay away, you’re being silly…

It’s not all day, or even every day but when I do get there, it’s intense. And very unpleasant. I don’t want to limit my son’s life or experiences as he gets older (only 18m). I don’t want to make him afraid of every day things because I’m having a batty moment.

I’d really appreciate any advice from people in a similar situation. Thank you.

I completely sympathise as I really struggled with this too - used to think all sorts of crazy stuff. My hubby was once defrosting the freezer and i was sat feeding the baby in the kitchen watching him and having a normal conversation- then bam, I suddenly thought how horrific it would be if I put the baby in the freezer and shut the door!! . It took lots of courage and s bit of a meltdown but speaking with the GP and starting meds hugely helped me.

Many years down the line now and it happens occasionally- usually when I am exhausted so I know what the trigger is and try to avoid getting so burned out...

Apparently it is really really common and you aren't going mad at all. Do spk to your doctor and good luck xx

Okay so we can't control intrusive thoughts they will come automatically but what we control is our response to engage the thought and continue the spiral. So the initial thought of "what if he drowned" - you should catch the thought at that point if you can and don't try to rationalise your way out of it and reassure yourself with logic etc because it's just teaching your anxiety that "this thought is important and obviously something she wants to pay attention to so I'll send more", what you need to do is like this - "intrusive thought", recognise that's what it is, stop it/pause the narrative and tell yourself "this doesn't concern me right now, I'll deal with that if it happens" and immediately redirect your attention and thoughts purposely to something else "oh look how cute he's being, oh I need to pick up milk today, that's a beautiful flower" doesn't have to be false positive thoughts just anything neutral that doesn't cause distress.

If you do this repetitively and it does take an awful lot of practice and please don't beat yourself up when you don't manage it every time etc but this takes the spiral out of the thought, unfortunately we can't stop automated thoughts but it's our reaction to them that determines how often they come up because we're teaching our amygdala (anxious part of the brain) What's dangerous and what isn't by our response.

Just joining to say it’s not so uncommon and you’re not going mad.

Your brain is trying to help….

Some her advice above about contacting your GP and trying to stop the thoughts in their track. There is therapy that can help like CBT too, if you contact Talking therapies but there can be quite a wait.

I always thought it’s just when you care and love so much, your brain is trying to protect from these ‘possible’ situations.

Hi OP, I'm a therapist and this is one of the areas I support mums in. Just to echo that these intrusive thoughts are really common and not linked to an actual intent to cause harm. I've written a blog on this topic which you might find helpful: https://mothernurturetherapy.co.uk/scary-thoughts-in-the-perinatal-period/

I think it’s quite common, I had this too as part of wider perinatal MH issues. But that doesn’t mean you need to just grit your teeth and carry on. And I’m struck that this is just starting recently, with your son already a toddler. I suggest you either speak to your GP or self refer for some CBT. It can really help.

In first aid training I was told this is your brains way of protecting you. Like safety infomercials of what not to do, like when you’re standing on a cliff and wonder why would happen if.. it’s natural to wonder why you would think that but it’s so you don’t do it!

As a ftm there’s so much to worry about and it’s all new and overwhelming. Keep a check on lid these thoughts are taking over or affecting your emotions but please be assured that it’s normal!