I feel like im going insane.

[Anon0987564]

I dont know if im over reacting, I feel like im losing my mind slowly.
So I came out of a 15year controlling relationship 2 years ago. I finally just left no warning I was done.
I met someone a year ago, happy hes amazing. I found out a few weeks ago I was pregnant, absolutely no chance in going through with it our kids dont know about us yet and its just not something he wants. As hard as it was for me I agreed and terminated the pregnancy. I went through this alone I sat in my home and terminated my child. Twice he checked in during the whole thing and that was very short and sweet. Im really struggling to come to terms with it. And he hasn't asked since how im feeling in myself. To top it off I have my kids dad blaming me for everything regarding my children although 2 years on he still doesn't have them overnight at all. Everything's on me I work and I have to make sure everything g is sorted 24/7 I dont get any time to myself i dont have friends because I have no life except work and home. I. Coc tangly feeling like im failing my kids and my new partner still thinks my ex has a control over me. Im sorry for rambling on I dontn know how to explain everything but I just feel so low all the time and I cant shift it.

Didnt want to leave you unanswered.

I am so sorry.

Did the service that helped you with the termination give you contact details for further support?

Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life?

I hope someone comes along with meaningful suggestions.

You can self refer to talk therapy

www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/talking-therapies/

It's a huge thing to come out of an abusive relationship like that, it's still early days and you need time to heal.

I'm sorry you had to go through a termination. It does sound like clearly the right decision though - your first duty is to yourself and your existing kids, and you have as much as you can manage as is.

Is there a reason your ex doesn't take the kids overnight? How many and how old are they?

It sounds like it might be useful for your to see your GP and get on a list for counselling. It will take a while but it can help to talk things through.

He doesn’t sound so amazing with his reaction to what you went through. I have no experience of termination and the immense feelings of loss around it, but it’s so clear you made the correct decision. Sounds very hard with everything being on you.. I would look long and hard about what your new partner adds to your life, as your kids are your absolute priority.

saw your post and really dont want you to feel you are alone.

You have made a decision based on the information you had, personally the lack of consideration and care from new partner tell me you made the only decision possible. He isn't amazing imo, he left you alone to deal with the most heartbreaking decision you can make, you deserve better!

Your ex is an ex for a very good reason.

From your post you love your kids to bits and are doing the best you can, please be kind to yourself x