TW: Suicide - How to Deal with Partners Grief

[ladybird30]

I'll keep this brief as I don't want to share anything too personal/outing but my partner lost a parent to suicide when they were a teen and the anniversary is coming up.

Every year they become very quiet, more moody, sometimes angry around the anniversary date. I'm fairly used to it now and kind of know how to handle it but this year I've noticed the grief is affecting us as a family a little. Nothing awful, mostly the moods.

I just wondered if anyone's experienced losing a parent in this way and perhaps have some advice on how best I can navigate it with my partner and child to ensure everyone's protected and affected to the lowest degree... I haven't lost a parent so I can't even begin to imagine which makes it a struggle to know how best to approach it all

Has TW ever had grief counseling? It might be something to suggest if not.

There is a charity called SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide)

https://uksobs.com

Hope this might be helpful x

I lost a parent to suicide in my early 20s and I always remember and feel a little sad around the anniversary, sometimes as a family we do something to remember the parent, but I definitely don’t go into a mood every year that affects DH and DD. Have they had any counselling?

@Roaminginthegloaming They refuse to go to any sort of therapy after bad experience as a teen, which isn't the most helpful, but I can understand it. I appreciate the info though, thank you 😊

@TTCbabynumber22025 I'm sorry to hear that and thank you for sharing 💐

I think there's a lot of anger still that the parent took that decision. The family also doesn't visit the grave or do anything for the parents anniversary which I've always found slightly unusual? But I'm not sure if it's common for that particular situation or not... I'd personally like us to be able to do that but always feel it'd be completely inappropriate to even suggest.

And no, no therapy since being a teen

I lost a grandparent to suicide. We no longer go to the grave. There's nothing there. They're not there. Their memories are with us.

If he won't go to therapy, what about a support group? Even reading one online might help him see others share his feelings and experience.

For yourself, it might just be something you have to give him space for each year. He doesn't get to make everyone else miserable with his moods though, if he's snappy or rude.

I have a friend who lost a parent to suicide. It's very hard for them to understand why their parent chose to leave them, why didn't their parent want to stay for them, weren't they enough, did it cause it, and all those questions. As an adult they have come to understand more about mental health and that it's not personal, but it's still hard for them decades on.

@therearesigns I've actually never thought of it like that and it makes a lot of sense now you've said. I've actually never asked why they don't visit as I worry it'll cause upset.

That's true, I can suggest that. I do tend to just give them a lot of space and be as understanding as I can. As you've said about your friend, I think a lot of those thoughts and feelings exist. It's a tricky one to navigate for both of us

Ive lost a close family member this way and the grief is hard because of all the unknowns and the unsaid. Its horrible