How to find the right therapist

[Sacmagique75]

I’ve suffered with poor mental health for some time. As I’ve got older I’ve realised a lot of my issues stem from the way I was raised, expectations of how to behave, and how I’ve been unable to reconcile this with parenthood. I’ve got to a point where I’d like some professional help but I don’t know where to start. I think I want to talk about my childhood and relationship with my own parents and how this is impacting me as a mother. Any advice on where to start or what I’m looking for?

Look on the BAPC for any general psychotherapist. Screen by location, cost and whether you would prefer virtual or in-person work. If you read each profile you may find some who seem to fit in with what you are looking for- although at the start it's all likely to be general exploratory work. It's not uncommon to try multiple therapists before finding one you are comfortable with.

Have a look into Core Beliefs – the way you think about yourself, others, the wider world and the future. This article is a good start;

https://www.betterup.com/blog/core-beliefs

Also think about precisely what you want to change about the way you think, feel or behave. You can't change the past but you can understand it better from an adult perspective, and you can break the emotional links with what you experienced.

All good advice above.

One extra thing I’ve learnt ( after a lifetime of trying to do what you state you want to and then falling off a mental health cliff anyway in my 50s and ending up in hospital for several weeks.) it’s good to understand why and what but the biggest work is not cerebral and it isn’t about who’s to blame because you or they did this that and the other. Forgiveness of yourself and others isn’t in my mind - it’s in releasing those feelings stuck in your body’s It’s to stay in the current moment and feel safe enough to feel what you feel today, including those historic emotions stuffed deep inside. No words or thoughts. Just feeling and processing it on and outwards so it’s no longer in your body.

The body keeps the score is a good book, along with the drama triangle and the games people play.

If you are looking for a woman therapist Sisters Heal can help match you with the right person https://sistersheal.co.uk/private-counselling/

Good luck.

What @catlovingdoctor said, though I’ve found my best therapists through word of mouth, asking around. My sister (a therapist) recommended someone she’d trained with, and later, when I was looking for a specialist in a particular thing, a friend who is also in the field passed on a name.

But yes to trial and error, too. I’ve usually spoken on the phone first to get a slight initial sense of them.

Counselling-directory.org.uk

A number of Counsellors/Therapists on there do free introductory calls, so you can get an idea of how you'd get on with them.

I initially looked at the BACP website and was overwhelmed by the choice to the point that I abandoned the idea a few times.

So eventually, I asked ChatGPT to help me work out what kind of therapy might be appropriate for my specific needs. It asked me various questions and then made some suggestions about the type of approach that might work, what to look for etc.

I then asked ChatGPT to identify some BACP accredited therapists in my area that could offer the type of counselling that I needed. It gave me a list of around 5 people.

I then looked at their profiles etc and chose one.

You have to kiss a few frogs I’m afraid. I found this book helpful. https://amzn.eu/d/dVEXdHZ
i think you can work out fairly quickly who will suit you. Many do an free intro session. Remember that they are not always right and it might take time to find the right one. I can’t stand there there, that must have been hard for you type counsellors. If you have any medical insurance that will cover some counselling and they will have an approved list.

I’d go through the listings of professional bodies who are listed on the Professional Standards Authority website which has links to the accredited member databases and look for accredited members in those listings as opposed to unaccredited members.

For example the BACP is there and the CBT Register (BABCP). There are many factors at play in the right therapist or the wrong therapist for you and accreditation by a professional body isn’t a guarantee but it does indicate training to a certain level and then ongoing work to maintain accreditation. I don’t know how it works at the BACP (probably broadly similar) but I have to have a post grad qualification, reaccredit every year and submit detailed training and supervision records and be ready for random practice audits which is absolutely as it should be. It’s a bit of a minefield tbh as anyone can call themselves a counsellor or therapist so best to start with the ones who have at least been and continue to go through the accreditation wringer (with a proper professional body). I’d be careful about big websites like Better Up. You could also look on the Psychology Today website, but again, make sure they’re accredited not just a member of BACP etc.

I think the UKCP registration requirements are more rigorous than BACP

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, this is such helpful information. @DeadlyDozen I actually bought The Body Keeps The Score several months ago and had not found the motivation to read it, I picked it up last night thanks to your suggestion.

It’s quite a dry read but useful information in if. All the best.