i was right-i am a hopeless case

[Divastrop]

i just got back from the gp's as i have been feeling crappy and she told me there was nothing she can do,as ive tried every medication there is.so i was totally honest with her,told her all the things i normally keep to myself for fear ss will be at my door,and the fact that alot of the medication i was prescribed in the past i either didnt take or wouldnt have worked as i was drinking heavily.

she just said theres nothing she can do,and was angry with me,said she wasnt going to change anything today.

ha all the times i thought i was being paranoid i wasnt.everybody thinks im a freak even the doctor

No she doesn't think you are a freak. You can't say the medication didnt help if you didn't take it.
She's right - she can't change anything today. It takes time.
How about making an appointment to see a different doctor. Explain it all - including not taking the medication in the past and see what someone else suggests.

i will probably be banned from the surgery now though.and im half expecting her to ring social services

Neither of those things will happen Are you on your own with the DC?

Diva Im going through something very similar to what you describe, so I can understand how you are feeling.

When you are feeling crap, but gather the strength to tell all to the GP, the last thing you ned is for them to make you feel worse because 'you don't fit the system'

IMO not taking medication and drinking are symptoms of the illness and not a refusal to compl with treatment.

She doesn't think anything of the sort, she is probably just frustrated that all this time you haven't been taking your tablets so were wasting both yours and her time.
I doubt very much she'll ban you from the surgery unless you assaulted her or really kicked off!
Also unless someone is in danger of being hurt or you have been told by courts to take meds then she won't be contacting SS.

VS- I dont think Diva was 'wasting both yours and her time' by not taking tablets.Her GP should not be thinking this either.

Doctors should realise that sometimes people can be in a position that taking medication regularly and reliably is virtually impossible.

If you knew someone with a physical illness that couldn't physically pick up a tablet or swallow it, then you would not accuse them of wasting the doctors time. You would give them the help they needed to be able to take that tablet and get better. The same should(but usually doesn't) apply to people with mental illnesses.

i dont think i was clear in my op.i meant that years ago when i was with xp and just after splitting up with him i was prescribed various different ad's becuase i was going to the gp saying i was depressed but i was drinking alot etc at that time and rarely bothered to take them as they wouldnt stop him beating the crap out of me(that was how i saw it).

however,i cant try any of these ad's again as its in my notes that they didnt work iyswim.

i have been taking my tablets religiously this time.

i have a dh who is supportive,thats one good thing.

i wrote a note to the gp apologising for swearing etc(i didnt swear at her,but was ranting+swearing)and asked that she let me know if need to see a different doctor in future.

i suppose i will have to accept that this is as good as it gets.

Just because you have had them in the past and they may not have worked then, doesn't mean that you can't have them again, surely? Did your doctor actually say that you can't have them again? It might be that she is trying to be helpful by suggesting that you try something else.

Well if thats what you told the GP and the reacted like that thenu r better offnot seeing them anyway as their the hopeless one not uTry seeing a different doc and hopefully u will get a different reaction.

I really understand where u r coming from though, I remember a conversation with a GP many years ago now-Id just left my violent alcoholic XDP

GP:I won't be prescribing u anymore ADs

me:why not?

gp:because you are suicidal, and I think u might take an overdose

me:yes but thats because Im depressed

gp:yes u r. but u r too depressed

me:so u r saing I'm too depressed to take ADs?

gp:yes

me:so what do I do now?

gp:leave

thank you for replying.

i am on prozac and have been for 3 months this time,but i dont feel they are working as when i had them in the past i felt different when they were working.now i feel,at best,emotionless.i started a thread about this the other day and most of the replies suggested talking to my gp which is why i went to see her.

i am having group therapy which is aimed at improving my self-esteem,plus i am supposed tp be having one-to-one sessions with a CPN.i have seen her 3 times and got the impression she thinks i just need to get more time to myself.i told the gp this and she said that the CPN is just trying to encourage me to get out and mix with people etc as that is what will help me feel better.so i told her i have done that many times,but my thinking that everone is laughing at me and doesnt want me around is always proved right(for eg when i got thrown out of the PND support group),so why bother trying again just to prove myself right again?

i have been depressed on and off for 16 years.gp asked what my expectaions are and i said 'i dont expect anything,i just want to feel 'ok' without feeling its temporary and something is going to come along and fuck it up yet again'.apparently my expectations are too high.

Diva I am so sorry this has happened today - you deserve better - could you see a differnet doctor, again be honest, yes I had that AD but I didn't take it, can we try it again. Can you change CPN? Do you have to stick with the same one - can she go to some of these places with you?

Keep pestering them, they will have to help - SS will not land on your door step because you are asking for help - you are in a loving and supportive relationship, your children are not at risk on any level because you are asking for help.

Why was she angry with you? Are GP's supposed to behave like that? Is she taking your problems seriously?

Diva, I felt emotionless and numb when I was on Prozac a few years ago. I wasn't able to participate in my normal life while I was on them, but at the time I thought that was ok. Now I am on Citalopram, and they are much better. They have helped to feel motivated to do stuff. Perhaps you need to try something different.

I would definatly try and see a different doctor. there are some good ones out there somewhere!

CPNs too in my experience have been rubbish. Im not entirely sure what they do/are supposed to do but its never been very much in my case.

Ive never had any kind of group therapy, but hopefully that at least may be of some help to you.what kind of things does it entail?

I'm currently trying to get up the courage to ask my GP for more counselling as the last one I had this time last year didnt go to well. I was too paranoid tpo talk to the counsellor as at the time I thought she was telling SS everything I said. I'm not so bad at the moment with the paranoia but Im definatley more depressed etc since the 2 year anniversary a few weks ago

Diva - you are not a hopeless case. at the GP getting angry with you
Try seeing a different doctor when you can face it, if they can't help then ask them to refer you to someone who can

thank you all.i really thought i was just being an ungreatful,difficult cow.

the CPN i see is one of the 2 facilitators of the group therapy,and tbh i found her quite unapproachable even before i saw her on her own.i would much rather have seen the other one who is a clinical psychologist,but i dont think she does individual stuff.

i think the group therapy has brought up alot of 'buried' things going right back to my teens,were i learned to cope and get on with life but since i was 15 the slightest thing has sent me spiralling into depression.

i amscared to see another doctor in case they tell me im not welcome at the surgery anymore.f**k knows what im going to do if one of the kids gets ill.

Aw diva
I'm glad you have got some really good replies on here because I don't know what to say except that I think you are fabulous.

You are bursting with good stuff and I hope you can crack this soon one way or another. Because there are so many opportunities and possibilities for you just around the corner.

Remind yourself of how far you have come already!

By the way having to tell people over and over again about the bad stuff can't possibly be good for your state of mind. It's like you are having to dwell on everything so that people can understand and help you. So it becomes how you define yourself.

Write a list of everything that is good about you and your life, get dh to help you. Don't let the drs/system/medication drag you down...

Remember that when you are ill you just think you have always been ill.
when you are well everything looks much better...the same stuff.

Depression makes you see everything with shit coloured glasses but it isn't true! (only some things are shit )

Diva, I'm sure you won't be banned from the surgery. Worrying about that won't help. Did you send a note into the doc?

i took a note in yesterday,just apologising etc.

dont know what to do really wrt meds/seeing another doctor.maybe i should see one of the male doctors as they may have a different approach?

i just have this feeling of wanting to get it sorted once and for all-to feel safe and secure and not as if every glimmer of hope and happiness is a lucky co-incidence.i want to feel like hopeful and alright are 'normal' and that down and sad or angry or paranoid are temporary and just a normal reaction to something i need to deal with,and the bad feelings will go away after i have delt with it.