Help! Illness anxiety around flu and cold season

[Happybaddeley]

Hi everyone

I’m hoping to find some advice or information to put my mind at ease.
I have a 2 year old and 7 week old. When my two year old was 6 weeks old she caught COVID (my husband caught it and brought it home as he had to go to a busy work event) she was hospitalised unable to breathe, it was an awful, traumatic time. I have been left with a lot of anxiety around my children catching illnesses. I’m so aware of everything my toddler touches, avoid soft plays, big groups and worry about being in contact with poorly people etc.

I have booked a couple of Christmas events over the next few weeks, meeting Santa, breakfast with Santa but have started to panic that they are indoors with lots of people (especially children) and I’m considering cancelling them. I’m so worried about my children getting ill, especially my 7 week old but I really don’t want my 2 year old to miss out. I keep seeing so many people poorly on social media and articles about the cases of flu and hospitals full which is making me spiral. I have been researching and most research is telling me to not take my newborn.

I would love some advice from people in a similar situation, or just to put my mind at ease. Should I be cancelling and staying at home, or should I still go??? I am aware that I need to access support for this as it’s affecting my daily life and have started the process, I was previously diagnosed with ocd and I know these are intrusive thoughts but I also wonder if I am actually being rational in my thinking. Please help!!!

You can't stop living your lives. You got very unlucky with your oldest, but the vast majority of the time children and babies catch a cold and it's miserable but ultimately fine.

Its awful when the kids are ill, but it is more awful for them to miss out on the experiences that make christmas magical for kids. Yes they are gonna get ill. 99% of the time its a cold, not great but part of life. Enjoy their childhoods it doesnt last long.

Completely sympathise OP! Having a child hospitalised is traumatic and you have a newborn so you are going to be more on edge. Did you have the flu vaccine while pregnant as I'm not sure if that offers some protection to the baby too? And RSV vaccine? Has your 2 year old had the flu spray?
Only you can decide what you feel comfortable with. As a compromise could your husband take your 2 year old while you stay at home with your baby? Then at least baby wouldn't be exposed to lots at once?

I think its upto you. I would go if it was me. Try drinking alot lemsip, and taking cold tablets to less the damage and of cause and effect.

Rationally...its very unlikely that they wouldn't recover from it. Not everyone gets symptoms.

Cons. There's a lot of faff involved with getting ill.

A middle ground to me seems like take the 2 year old and not the 7 month old, and exercise good precautions.

Using nasal saline rinse as an adult seems to help prevent viral buildup.

Can someone babysit the 7 week old so you and the two year old can go and enjoy yourselves?

I feel exactly the same OP. I spoke to my GP and actually they said they do the same in their house leading up to Xmas and summer holidays; there’s just so much more illness around these days. I don’t think that chat helped me much as it validated my fears!
I do think though, that pressures on parents are far more nowadays to attend “events” involving crowds and get a good insta story etc. I will probably be told I’m wrong but there does seem to be more illness about that when I was a child (90s), in part due to all these crowded money making events and social gatherings in flu season perhaps. Things like HFM didn’t come to the UK till around 2000, RSV wasn’t such a fear etc. Not once did we have a vomiting bug growing up. Anecdotal yes, but I would bear this in mind when taking advice from older generations.
I remember visiting Santa as a child, but we never did much else. I still found Xmas magical though. Your two year old won’t remember, but if it’s important to you I would take them and get a picture as a keepsake. The other events are optional parent-pressure social media things. You can go nice walks outside to see the lights etc and still get into the Xmas spirit without being in a hot environment amongst hoards of people coughing and spluttering over you. These things are my idea of hell, if nothing else it surprises me so many people go, never mind that people actually enjoy it. Kids probably won’t enjoy things when their parents are stressed either. I’d say it’s perfectly sensible to do a few low key “magical” things and leave the baby at home if need be. Don’t feel pressured.

kids will be far more affected by not being able to take part in normal childhood activities than by a cold and a blocked nose

you had an unlucky experience with your eldest but don’t let your anxiety over that dampen your children’s childhood and normal development

And there’s no more illness now than n the past - just the fear of it after covid

You also must let them build up normal immunity as otherwise, when they get to school age, it might cause issues.

Just to respond to last comment; this is a common theory trotted out. It’s often disproved OP, the research is out there. We need exposure to bacteria to form healthy immune systems; catching repeated viruses and infections is not shown to mean kids are more resilient later on. In fact “Data [show] that children that have more infections in the first 6 months to a year of life go on to have more problems.”
Source eg: https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2022/is-the-hygiene-hypothesis-true

Also, we are at crisis levels with the nhs. Perhaps the illnesses were always there; but at the moment my nhs trust has put out letters to the primary schools telling parents not to bring their kids to a&e unless they absolutely feel it’s urgent. The letter states they are struggling to see all patients and reading between the lines goes the message is they are under huge pressure and don’t have enough staff. People live longer now, there aren’t enough facilities, the nhs is failing and we are at a point where we are being told not to bring our kids to a&e if we’re worried about them - only if it’s “urgent”. How do you make that call ?!

It’s fine saying let them catch things, but when the reality is that you know that the primary care might not be there for them if the worst happens, quite frankly is terrifying. I realise not everyone thinks this way, I don’t know if it’s through ignorance, arrogance of thinking it won’t happen to them, or general lack of foresight. I don’t know if you’re in the same boat with your nhs OP, but I think it adds to the argument to avoid viruses at this time of year especially. Not completely; of course - but why take additional risks

Can confirm that at 37 my immune system still seems to have not benefitted from repeated viral infections and I spend far too much of my life feeling like crap.

I totally get this. Having a child hospitalised at such a young age must have been extremely traumatic. I think you’re not being unreasonable to want to skip these events with such a small baby though. Your children are still tiny and hopefully you have a good few more years of taking them to these type of Christmas events. Put your tree up, put some carols on and enjoy cuddles with your baby. Do some nice Christmas baking and crafts with your 2 year old. The flu does sound really bad this year. I know people have mixed feelings about vaccinations but private flu jab is easily available from pharmacies for those that want a bit of extra protection. Hope you manage to stay safe and well! X