I hate my life, feel like I want to leave my family

[Wantadifferentlife]

I just need to vent. I'm 40 years old, I still have both my parents, they are nearly 80 and starting to become frail and demanding. I love them so much but I miss how they used to be.
I have two young teens. Life with them is difficult, particularly my son who isn't doing great at school, and is moody and rude at home.
My husband is not the man I married. We just live together, there is no relationship anymore.
I hate my job. And every job. I struggle alot as I have adhd, so does my son.

Im feeling very overwhelmed and keep having the urge to leave and start a new life. My life here is joyless. Every day is mundane , boring, stressful. Kids dont need us in the same way and dont want to do anything fun with us anymore. Xmas just exasperates that as no longer do Xmas activities or fun Xmas stuff. I feel like im looking ahead to more and more shit. Parents will get worse and die in the next decade. My beloved dog will also pass . Kids will be grown and leave. My life is empty and I hate it. Peri aswell I think .
When do I get to put myself first???

Do you have any hobbies you can enjoy either alone or with your husband?

Looking after elderly parents I can imagine is stressful and upsetting and exhausting, are they part of any clubs if not can you perhaps get in touch with some local charities to see if they can help you organise some events for them. It might bring some respite to you and give you the support you need by introducing you to people in the same situation.

I have a teenager girl who is a right handful to control at times, their hormones are all over the place at this age. It’s a phase and will pass.

So do you and your husband have any date nights or weekends away just the two of you? Maybe if it’s not to much hassle take time when you’re both off to go for a pub lunch or a coffee and cake, or even a drive to a fast food joint and get an ice cream. Make it a habit to do something together every week just the two of you, even if it’s watching a film in the living room.

I can’t help on the job front I’m afraid, if possible could you switch up your days that you work? Or even look for something else.

you’ve just hit a bump in the road and you’ve got the power to change it.

No hobbies, don't do anything, life has become very small.
Don't do anything with husband, don't want to. Hoping to separate at some point.
I am just so so unhappy with my life and im feeling worse every day. When I wake I.dread getting up and dont want to face the day and everyone in it. I fele like im being pulled into a million directions

Honestly get some mental health support and see your GP. Once you feel stronger you can make rational decisions that you are happy with. Also try and do things that make you happy, a regular walk, read a book, meet a friend. Build yourself a life for yourself.

You clearly want to leave the hard work and responsibility

but this is also negative - I think you could leave but end up with hard work and responsibilities just the same

the only way to put yourself first is work out what you would want and then work that into your life

but it must be achievable - you might want a life free of responsibilities but that’s not possible - you need food on the table and you made the children

but see the upcoming changes as the time when you wil have a lot more time for yourself and in the meantime work out what you positively want - not what you negatively don’t want

oh and if in Peri try HRT please

Dont give up just yet, if you’re unhappy in your marriage then you need to talk with your husband, from my guess, he’s probably feeling pretty low to.

when I was at my lowest during Covid I took up playing with air dry clay, sat for hours messing with it, making different shapes, I did colouring books and all sorts but then i started a vinted account selling our 2nd hand clothes, it was only a few extra ££s a week but it felt like I was actually achieving something, it was something I could control and set boundaries for.

I hope you find what you need to go forward, if things get too much then the GP is your next port of call.

I often feel similar OP.
I cook what other people want for dinner/what DC will eat rather than what I want to have.
I get bogged down in the life admin - especially at this time of year.
I don't particularly enjoy my job but the salary and flexibility is good so there's no point leaving.
My DC don't want to do fun family stuff anymore - I went to the cinema myself the other week - and noone is interested in going to a panto or Christmas market.
My friendship circle has shrunk now DC are older and I'm not arranging playdates and coffee with other Mums or shared lifts to activities.
I just want a new/different life. I spend my time on Rightmove fantasising about what property I might buy if/when DH and I do separate but DC are in critical school years so that's not going to happen anytime soon.
With me, it's probably partly menopausal. In the New Year I'm going to rejoin the gym and my community choir and devote more time to ME.