Depressed, isolated and hit a new low today

[B0D]

Long term depression, long term ADs and lots of therapy/ counselling over the years. Most recent block this year.

Its all year round but always gets worse in winter and this year is no different. I’m very good at faking it, but today I hit a new low.

I’ve got a birthday coming up and adult DC offered to take me out for the day and proposed a plan. Today I have replied putting them off, the thought of spending a whole day with them sounds exhausting as I have little or no interest in anything recreational or seeing anyone.

I’ve never before turned down spending time with my children (except maybe when I would hide in my room a bit when they were little and playing) The thought that I would prefer to be alone than with my kids has really upset me. They have always been a constant source of joy.

thanks for reading

It’s your birthday you do what you want on that day. It’s the only day where you can be totally be for you. Don’t want it don’t do it. Hope you have a fab day on what you want x

You’re allowed to rest when you need to, whenever that may be.

It sounds like you really do want to see them, but the plan was a bit much. Do they know about your struggles? Can you suggested a simplified version e.g. walk around a park and a hot choc?

its really more than needing to rest. I’ve just had a week on annual leave at home. I am not really functioning ok outside of work and unable to take part / face social events.

they don’t know about my depression and I would find it incredibly difficult to explain.

@Sillysoggyspaniel
thanks I’m still thinking something more low key might be a compromise but atm the thought of being with anyone is very worrying to me

Maybe there's someone else who can explain the basics of your health to them? Doesn't have to be all the details, but if they don't know anything and you cancel they are going to be hurt and confused and that rift will potentially make you feel even worse.

I don’t know what to suggest, I just wanted to say, I understand and I am so sorry you’re having a particularly bad time of it right now.

@Sillysoggyspaniel I agree but can’t see a way forward at the moment. faking it means I’m really isolated and nobody else can speak for me unfortunately as I don’t confide.

@SkipAd thank you