Abit of a long one but looking for some advice...
I recently left an abusive relationship. My sons father and i were together for five years, we have a two year old child. After about two years, he became emotionally abusive and then later became the physical side of it. He was very controlling, narcistic and cruel. I moved away from my family and friends for him, for his job and he used it as a tactic to control me. If i am honest, i look back and realise the reason he wanted to have a child together was also because of control. He made me remove all of my friends, i was not allowed to go outside without his permission and later the physical abuse started. I recently found out he had cheated on me, which pushed me to finally end the relationship.
I have moved back home with my parents, and my son is taking this very hard. Although abusive towards me, he was always good at the father side of things. He was very loving and caring towards his child, never showed him the abuse or acted in front of him. But because i wont let him control me anymore, he is taking this out on his child. I wanted to give him the chance to be in his sons life, but now all he is doing is confusing and hurting him by one day being active in his life to see him/talk with him and the next nothing.
I have tried to address this with him nicely, but he says its not my business and swears and shouts at me over the phone. I am unsure of what to do with this, am i wrong for feeling the urge to cut him out of our lives? my son is constantly upset with wanting his father and i fear it will get worse if he keeps one day making an effort and then nothing for the next few.
Also, if anyone could offer some advice on how to start healing from this traumatic experience, i would appreciate it. I feel overwhelmed all the time and full of anxiety. I have lost all confidence since the betrayal, feeling almost ashamed of myself and who i am. It doesnt help that he is still trying to abuse me, over the phone when in contact for our child.
Any help on this matter would be greatly appreciated, and sorry for the long post.