Burn out - unable to feel again

[Needanadultgapyear]

I suffered burnout my work situation was awful. I left, work wise I am in a much better place and I am working fewer hours. I have also been able to see how badly everything was managed, probably would have had a case for constructive dismissal, but it’s do done now.
Home has been my sanctuary through out all of this and my husband has been supportive.
I have had CBT, career coaching etc, but I can’t get my emotions back. I don’t know when I last laughed or cried. During my CBT my counsellor expressed concern that I didn’t really enjoy going out socialising, but I have always hated big groups and felt awkward. So said I was happy with how I am.
Yesterday I found out someone I know passed away in tragic circumstances - I know, I should and want to feel actual sadness, but I can’t find the emotion.
It just made me realise it’s like all my emotions are suppressed. I work in an industry where compassion fatigue is common - probably a small contributor to my burnout.
My GPs surgery is one where getting a face to face important involves you filling in the form at the correct moment when the blue moon is ascending. Often the form kicks out saying you need to go to A&E or tells you to self refer to the mental health team which I have already done. So I imagine putting I can’t feel emotions on the form won’t get me anywhere particularly as when I reported an ECG abnormality that was found on a work health check it took three forms and a letter to the practice manager for it to be acknowledged.
i don’t want to turn into a social butterfly, but I do want to feel again.

It's possible that your emotions shut down as a protective mechanism to prevent any further damage during that intensely stressful period but they haven't realised that it's OK to feel again. Does that gel with what you think?

It does. Is it just time? I think it's made worse by being in a job where you have control your own emotions including walking from a desperately sad situation directly into one where you have to be super happyz

Are you on any medication OP? That can cause emotional numbness. X

Are you still in that situation in your new job?

@Eyesopenwideawake yes, it is inescapable in my career unfortunately. No I am not taking any medication.
The main problem was a toxic work environment in which I was being bullied. I took a month off, have reduced my hours, work freelance so I don't get caught in work place politics, have prioritised my physical and mental health along with making time for my husband and daughter. As I say I have had CBT and career coaching. Physically and mentally I feel I am in good place after a year, but I don't laugh and don't cry.

Sounds like you’re a nurse or some kind of health worker.
sorry you feel crap x

I guess my question would be what kind of things make you laugh or bring you joy in the past? You definitely have a sense of humour as you joked about the form which was drily funny. Being able to go from one situation to another is a skill. But defo need space to decompress too.

I have a stressy job and health condition, one of my switch off things is to watch stand up comedy. I've always enjoyed it. Is there anything like that you enjoy? The Comedy Store is great if that sounds like something you'd like.

I also quite like stupid puns - I send them to someone and they send them to me throughout the week. I don't know why but I find it amusing.

And trying new things can be a source of joy and fun.

But I think the main thing after a period of stress is to give yourself time.