We are a WLW couple who had been trying to conceive via donation for a few years my partner was originally ament to be birth parent but after many trys unfortunately it just wasn't working so we decided to swap and fortunately (well I thought so) I conceived first try and am now 14 weeks! But unfortunately is has been a god awful first trimester not due to normal body changes and intense morning sickness and the sudden emotional changes that i didnt expect so quick but due to the massive impact this has taken on our relationship.
When we found out my partner seemed generally thrilled but within hours this had changed to which I was informed the happiness was faked for my benefit, they have tried to be happy about it but there not, they won't be able to look at me when I get a bump, the won't love baby etc etc I tried to calm the conversation understanding the sensitivity of the situation and tried to engage in calm communication to which more comments had come up and things had been taken to far with that my partner had left.
Over a course of 6 weeks or so they wanted to speak and apologised they had explained it was a shock and they have fears and concerns eben though i dont believe this excuse the behaviour i tried my best to understand it, even though everything in my gut was telling me not to continue the pregnancy with this person I tried to understand there feelings and took this all on and explained I would love nothing more than continue but the reactions and choice words had made me uneasy and insecure.
Over weeks appointments come and scans and with this come overwhelming sense of guilt for myself and a overwhelming feeling of resentment and lack of interest from my partner when I tried to approach how this was making me feel I was met with arguments and dismissive towards my feelings and worries and it had been expressed to me in many different phrases that there fears are bigger and I need to reassure them to which I'd been trying constantly but felt I wasn't getting the same if any effort in return.
When I approached this after a few weeks that I felt I was alone, and not emotionally supported or understood again this was met with more arguments and the final statement was if that's how I feel then I should just leave to which I feel completely at a loss and did in fact leave.
I have tried to communicate since and find middle ground and communicate effectively to match both needs in clearly what is a sensitive situation but am met with little compassion, effort or care for how I am and that I'm selfish and not understanding them and I feel like I must try harder to help them but in this i am forgoing my own sanity and health and worry how this will effect baby.
After lengthy discussion, nasty and hurtful choice words, a constant need to control the situation I have to opted to go at it alone and explain how the last 14 weeks and there behaviour and what has been said has knocked my confidence and from 5 week's to now nothing seem to be changing, conversation can not be had and coparenting is being dictated and they made clear they would not be able to offer me an emotional support throughout and after and I should seek this elsewhere.
Am I being unfair? Aware this is a lengthy explaination and am trying to put as much detail as possible as I have an overwhelming sense of guilt but what I have lived for the mast 14 weeks over something that I believe to be amazing and a chance to start our family finally has been met with nothing but sadness and guilt I want to do what's best.for myself and baby but I worry I'm being unfair but alot of me doesn't think I am.