Living ‘on the edge’???

[babyproblems]

Hello wise mumsnetters.
I couldn’t think of a better title as I’m not really sure how to sunmarise the situation but I wanted to post and see if anyone else has been through something similar and how you came out the other side.

Ive always been a bit ‘stressy’ but nothing unmanageable; never had any medication, always been fit and mostly healthy, no illness or injury etc. For context I have one ds who is 3 and live abroad with DH for work reasons, have no family nearby but speak the language and have lived here for quite a long time so do have some community although probably less than I would if I was in UK.
Also have fledgling business that’s going fairly well, we have no real money issues.

In August, I hurt my back. Sort of badly- I was led down for a few days but recovered slowly during a few weeks. Then in September I hurt my back again; similar sensations but much worse. Maybe the first hadn’t healed properly and so it was more severe.

This second episode of back issues came with loads of symptoms that I thought were heading for serious nerve issues; I had a cat scan, an X-ray, an MRI. They found a few issues including two herniated discs which I / they suspect are the cause of the ‘injury’.
I then saw a specialist who has prescribed me extensive physio so I am now waiting for that.

Now for the part I am quite stuck with.
During this second episode, I started having these physical symptoms that gave me trembles, uncontrollable, feeling nauseous, like I was going to pass out; which I did on a couple of occasions. It was like my back was so so tense I could not breathe any more and my body became stiff and I was just absolutely terrified. I couldn’t leave the house because I was so afraid of movement setting off back spasms. I was stuck still really and managing daily life was really really hard.

fast forward a few weeks and I am a bit better in that I am able to move mostly ok but am being careful. But I cannot get out of this ‘panic’ mindset. I’ve never had a panic attack in my life before but my GP wondered if that was what was happening to me. I wonder if I was stressed anyway and then the back injury sent me way over the edge. I feel like I’ve peeped round the edge of a dark anxiety curtain and I can’t forget what I’ve seen / felt - I always felt strong and capable both physically and mentally but since this I feel like I am so fragile and I just cannot recover to feel ‘strong’ again- especially mentally - I hope desperately the physio will help the physical part but mentally I feel like I have reached a level of stress (anxiety? Panic?) I’ve never experienced before and it’s like a switch has gone off and I can’t go back, can’t shake off the hyper vigilance/ anxiety / fear.

Ive realized my stress and physical wellbeing are linked before but this is a whole new level.

Has anyone else been through something similar and how did you ‘recover’ mentally?

sorry this is so long. And thanks for any replies. Xx

Sounds very much like a panic attack. Panic attacks feel so awful that once you've had one you are on high alert for the next one and guess what that causes? The next one.

Panic attacks happen when – put simply – our own bodies frighten the life out of us. So in your case the pain from your back caused your mind to fear that there was something life-changingly wrong and and that fear set off your fight or flight response, but you couldn't run away from it which terrified you.

It's the fear of the fear that's the problem. The first thing to realise is that is that NO ONE ever died from a panic attack. Yes it feels awful but no, it can't hurt you. Secondly it will pass, generally in a few minutes. So when you feel that panic start to bubble up remind yourself of both of those facts and look beyond it – instead of thinking about the fear, think about what you're going to have for dinner, or plan your next trip home. Once you accept that it's nothing more than a temporary nuisance it will fade away and they will stop; because your mind will stop fearing them.

On a practical front learn how to do box breathing as it's a great way to regulate your oxygen intake to calm yourself quickly.

@Eyesopenwideawake thankyou so much for replying 🫶 I really appreciate it. I will definitely look into box breathing, I’ve been doing some breathing exercises but when my backs been bad it affects the movement of my diaphragm on the left side a bit like it’s being squeezed super tight which makes it all worse! Thanks for your reply really xox

Absolutely tonnes of times. It's very common to think you're invincible until you learn that you're not! I mean why if nothing ever happened to you why would you wander round looking for signs of danger? Makes no sense.

As an adult one of my worst injuries mentally was a knee injury - I didn't realise how much I relied on movement to maintain my mental wellbeing. The recovery was soo long winded.

I also had a panic attack during a period of work stress, just too much burning the candle at both ends and tuning out to my body. I literally thought I was dying and called an ambulance. I have since learned the mind does things!

I also had a major life threatening event which I eventually needed therapy for.

Anxiety is normal, it's just the body's way of preparing you for possible action needed.

Long story short- the body has amazing physical healing ability, and if can't be healed then the brain can also adapt and learn to 'live with' it.

Take it slow, give yourself a steady period of calm and re-regulation, gradually build things up.

@GoodThings2025 thanks for replying you completely hit the nail on the head when you say about not being able to move being terrible for your mental health- I think this has been one of the biggest issues for me as the stress built up so much plus the panic and then I had no release or way to reset myself; I think this is one of the reasons I can’t recover mentally yet. I was terrified I’d never be able to run or do yoga again which literally is what keeps me sane. Now I am still not really able but I can lie on the floor and stretch now which is something. I’m tempted to try swimming and see if I can manage it - I’m on the wait list for physio now but I can’t really sit still for long and I think not moving also makes everything v tense!!