What happens if you admit to professionals thoughts of self harm

[Iheartguacamole]

I’ve been going through a tough time of late. Have feel extreme stress and anxiety. Have spoken to GP and talking therapies and, amongst other things, ask me if I’ve had thoughts of self harm. I say no. But the truth is, for the first time in my 44years, I have been having thoughts of hurting myself for at least 2 weeks. As in killing myself. BUT…I’m not suicidal. These thoughts are like flashes in my mind. They’ll pop into my head - but they’re unwelcome. I don’t want to die. I know this. I have 2 young children and a family who loves me. I know the devastation it causes.

I don’t want to tell anyone this because I think they’ll misunderstand me. I don’t actually want to hurt myself or die. It’s like these thoughts are presented to me. I know this time in my life, although hard and unpleasant, is transient. Does anyone understand this?

Please visit your GP, they’ll understand and there may be a medical cause.

I told my GP when I was your age. And HRT stopped the thoughts in their tracks.

I felt suicidal for two weeks of my cycle every month. Entirely hormonal.

My GP gave me a leaflet for NHS therapy, but I didn't need if once I got my HRT sorted.

Thing is though is I’m going through a stressful situation that has been building for a while, which is why I’m not inclined to think it’s my hormones. I’ve considered it, for sure, but I hand on heart think the provoking factor is the situation I’m in

I get it. I’ve mentioned it a few times and then I just started saying no as they really probed me about it eg ‘have you made actual plans to do anything’ and tbh i just don’t want to talk about it. I find the whole conversation dull and draining.

My reasons have more been being trapped in an actual situation. Nothing including talking therapies helped, only a low dose of sertraline to help me cope.

It's scary to admit, but it's really common ( sadly ) to have these feelings sometimes.
You can say yes you do have thoughts of harming your self and then explain you don't feel you will follow through on these thoughts and the Dr will then also ask questions like how often and what protective factors you have ( your support network).
I found it very very scarry and upsetting to say the words for the first time to someone .. but try and be honest.
Also you can always call a help line ... you sound like you are coping well with having some distressing thoughts and whatever is contributing to them.. buy helplines like sameritians are also there for these situations . You don't have to be in the stages of planning to harm or take life.

Sending a hand hold. Telling a Dr how I was feeling so scarry and however my GP was so matter of fact, in one way it was no different to saying Dr I have a tummy pain . ( although in my head I felt like I had failed and was weak).

When DP told his psychiatrist he was suicidal she stopped some of his medication. She wouldn't prescribe anything new until he was no long suicidal. She also put his painkillers onto weekly dispense at the pharmacy.

Please speak speak to your GP, tell them how you've been feeling, you're not suicidal but you are having intrusive thoughts.

I had suicidal thoughts after birth of dd. Told GP and was prescribed fluoxetine which helped a lot.
I know it was hormonal in my situation and because of the rapid improvement I was able to stop the medication after about 8 months (weaned off).
For you it sounds situational with increased pressures and stress. They might suggest an anti depressant for a while along with CBT.
The medication may help you to work through the cbt more effectively too.

I went to the GP last year with suicidal thoughts, I was asking for antidepressants. The GP refused to give them to me at first and said they wanted me to go to hospital, I refused as I have had antidepressants in the past and know they work for me and in the end the GP did prescribe me them. She asked if I had any intention of harming myself and I said no but I was lying.

She was clearly concerned though as 3 days later I had the police at my door doing a welfare check. ( I saw her on the Friday and police came on Monday morning )

Tbf they were right to be concerned. I had a full plan in place and had written letters for the people I loved. Very sad looking back

@Zippzuhogo sorry to hear that. Are you better now?
I’ve felt really sad about this. All my childhood memories, all the great experiences I’ve had, all the people I’ve met, my family etc, and this is what my brain does to me?

If you speak to Talking therapies about this they would want to distinguish between thoughts and actual plans or methods of harming yourself or ending your life. Thoughts by themselves with no intention of acting on it should not cause any alarm. Many people we speak to have these thoughts. Passive suicidal thoughts are a feature of depression. Would speaking to someone help do you think?

I understand it. When we are faced with a challenge, from something as basic as to what to have for dinner to life changing decisions such as whether to have a child our minds will do a lighting quick run through of all the options; generally without us even being aware of it (although with the dinner question we often go through the available choices via images and smells!). It's called a cognitive assessment.

Because you're tired and stressed your mind is presenting you with the widest range of possibilities, including the 'nuclear' option.

You've looked at it and rejected it : ’m not suicidal. These thoughts are like flashes in my mind. They’ll pop into my head - but they’re unwelcome. I don’t want to die. I know this. I have 2 young children and a family who loves me. I know the devastation it causes.

Think of it in this way. When you go to the cinema you often have to sit through a load of trailers before you get to the main movie. You'll look at the trailers and they will be enough to tell you that you have no interest is seeing that film. You've considered and rejected it. That's exactly what you've done with these thoughts. Everyone does, at some point in their lives but, thankfully, the vast majority decide that it's not an option.

When I admitted to suicidal thoughts I got the help I needed - medication and therapy. Mental health professionals see this all
the time and very little happens. Yes, it’s treated seriously but no one talks of hospitals or sectioning. That’s for people far more ill!

Op I thought my very stressful situation was causing it but it turned out to be peri menopause. I had none of the classic peri symptoms (no hot flushes etc). But HRT has completely stopped the thoughts. Now I realise I had a lot of brain fog. Please do consider HRT.

If you tell them, they’ll do a risk assessment. If you’re making a plan to do it today, they will intervene to keep you safe or call 999. If it’s just thoughts and you don’t want to die, like you say, then they may offer you more or different treatments - maybe more therapy sessions, maybe medication, maybe a more qualified person will support the person you’re talking to. These thoughts are very common and won’t shock the person you are speaking with, please do feel safe to disclose them.
i have been in a similar place and it does pass - hang in there. Sending you lots of love xx

It really does depend on the professional. You just have to make a judgement. I would tell my therapist. I've worked with him several years and I know he isn't prone to overreacting or quick to panic. He'll want to talk it through and make sure I have no immediate plans to carry it through.

Before I knew him, I once told my physio. Again he was quite a reasonable, level headed type who took it calmly, gave me a hug and made the referral for me. I wouldn't have told my GP as he is a bit useless with anything mental health related and would have just sent me to A&E who wouldn't have let me leave. Obviously if I had intended to actually do it, I would have needed to go to A&E, which would have been a different story.

I think they’d offer you medication as a quick fix and maybe therapy but that’s unlikely to be instant with the waiting lists.
From what I’ve read on here it’s only the most severe cases that get help because MH services are swamped. Severe in the sense the ones that have acted on their thoughts as oppose to those who think about it - as like a pp pointed out, I don’t think it’s as uncommon as perceived.

Thanks very much for explaining it this way

I’m a mental health nurse. Please do tell someone about them. They’re there to help you.

you will be given a thorough assessment of the risk and then a safety plan will be drawn up with you. This maybe a hospital admission (but unlikely), or a referral to mental health services, maybe intensive home treatment, medication, therapy, or a mixture!

it’s something we hear every day and is not something to be embarrassed about, but please be honest.

ps I like @Eyesopenwideawakepost. Makes perfect sense!

Are you in the UK as it seems unlikely that level of support would be available on the NHS?

No advice but I’ve had those thoughts to and I know 100% it’s not something I would want to act on. It’s like my mind becomes ‘scatty’ at certain times of the month and I imagine horrible things for fleeting moments.
I approached a health care professional and they laughed at me saying I’m too young for it to be anything hormonal but I know they have shifted into my mid 30s. I can’t find any other reason but I’m reluctant to go back.
I truly hope you get better support.

@BakedandBroken

yes. I work in A&e mainly (I’m a bank nurse) and we see people in crisis and need to come up with a safety plan. However it depends on the outcome of the assessment.

That makes sense then. I think if someone presented to their GP and admitted to those thoughts they would likely just be offered ADs and told to self refer for talking therapy.