What’s wrong with my colleague age 57F?

[lobbythepop]

I work with a wonderful lady who is the mother and best friend of everyone in the office. She has worked at the company for over 25 years and she is the nicest person you’ll ever meet. I have noticed however, very sadly she seems to be slowing down a bit and becoming more vacant which I can only assume is the start of dementia or similar. I hate to see this but I am wondering if I’m the only one who’s noticing, but I don’t want to talk to my colleagues in case they think I’m being a bit mean.

She has developed selective hearing and only seems to be able to hear you if she’s looking at you, if she’s not looking at you she will only hear you when you walk right up to her.

She will talk to you and then answer a question that you didn’t ask, for example she thought I asked her what she was up to at the weekend which I didn’t, we were just talking about random stuff.

She seems to get a bit confused with work and what’s going on sometimes, like she forgets someone’s job title.

I appreciate we all forget things sometimes but I’ve definitely noticed a change in her and I have a feeling it might get worse, I probably haven’t given the best examples here, but I just wanted to know if anyone else noticed small things like this before someone was diagnosed with dementia or similar?

Could it just be menopause brain fog? I have it bad and I’m only peri-menopausal!

It sounds more like a hearing issue from what you’ve said. Especially the needing to look at someone in order to hear what they’re saying.

But. You don’t need to be trying to diagnose her or decide whether or not she’s got dementia. Just wondering what the point of spending time thinking about this is?

How long has it been going on for? She could be going through something very stressful, elderly parent maybe? When I was under a massive amount of stress I often didn't hear things, I was simply too distracted.

Menopause.
B12/folate/iron/vitamin D deficiency-all cause memory issues when low enough.
Thyroid issues.

Dementia would be pretty low down the list of possibilities at her age tbh.

Dementia? That's a ridiculous assumption to jump to.

A family member was recently diagnosed with dementia - it started to appear in forgetfulness at work around age 52/3 and was diagnosed at 55. So it does happen. Alzheimer's in their case.

Perhaps she should have her hearing checked before she gets put into a dementia care facility. At 57 she’s at the age when menopausal brain fog can cause issues with memory.

Menopause or hearing sound most likely. Or both.

I read that deafness is one of the first signs of dementia or maybe she just needs a hearing test.

I used to be that person.
Quite frankly after 30 years of listening to everyone else's dramas I'd had enough.
I wasn't interested in mothering grown adults and by my late 50s Id had my fill.
I was really a bit deaf in one ear, I had no interest in career development so just didn't retain surplus information.

It sounds like you are concerned about her, if you don’t feel it appropriate to have a one to one conversation with her to let her know how things seem, can you maybe speak to your manager to share the concerns with a confidential manner, maybe just someone else to keep an eye, or so the manager can discuss concerns with her and offer support xx

I’d assume either hearing loss or counting down the days until retirement. Dementia seems a bit of a stretch.

As shes no longer in her 30s you’ve decided it could be dementia? Ffs!

Do you hope she’s carted off to a care home and you can take on her role?

You are definitely describing hearing loss. This does scare people but can be quite debilitating. Someone - you, her manager, her best friend - ought to ensure she gets a hearing evaluation. If you have workplace health insurance and/or occ health dept, they will organise it. Otherwise, you can easily get checked at Boots or Specsavers.

As for the "vacancy" and forgetting details, this could be a product of the deafness or simply menopausal brain fog. Presumably she could head off any serious problems by upping her note-taking game.

There's no reason to suspect early-onset dementia from what you've said but, if you care about her, do what's necessary to get her to help with her hearing.