Don’t know how to help my son.

[NCDailyGame]

Hi. I hope this isn’t going to be too long so please bare with me.

My son is 27 and since 21 he’s had a decline in his mental health. He’s attempted (the worst), 5 times now.

Hes on venlaflaxine for depression but recently it’s more than depression. He’s saying the depression isn’t too bad, but it’s the constant agitation, inability to concentrate or have motivation, his brain never quietens, he explained it like a racetrack with loads of cars going round in all different directions at high speed. He paces around, he’s angry, aggressive in his tone… He’s stressed but can’t explain why apart from the head thing. I said I’d call 111 but he doesn’t want to talk because he’s been let down so many times. I myself suffer with bad mental health and when he’s like this is flares up my PTSD (which I had therapy for after his first attempt). I keep making suggestions and he just shuts me down. I don’t know how to help, Yes he’s 27, but he’s still my son and I worry constantly that he’s going to succeed at ending it.

If he sees the GP they’ll just up his meds but they don’t help the crazy head thing that is driving him mad.

what can I do?

He needs to see his doctor. This sounds like a serious deterioration, to me.

You cannot directly help, anymore than you can fix major injury.

From what you describe OP it sounds like more than depression. The racing mind, agitation, inability to concentrate or motivate - those are all symptoms of ADHD. Has he ever been screened for that or for other conditions? Have a look at the diagnostic criteria with him and see if they resonate and, if so, it's worth going and having a chat with the GP about it. People with ADHD are much more likely to attempt suicide than those without. I'm so sorry you and your DS are going through this, but if you think it's more than 'just' depression, I would get his GP involved and get him screened for other conditions that could be impacting his MH and quality and life.

He’s been waiting for an Autism assessment for years, but sadly I don’t have the money to go private.

Is there a local crisis service? My area has an evening drop in for people in mental health crisis.

Is he on the right to choose pathway? Has he had any therapy like CBT?

There's a few websites:

https://www.thecalmzone.net/
giveusashout.org/

Has he done a safety plan (see the Samaritans website)?

I have ADHD and the thing that helped me the most asides medication was lifting weights - I found it really good for my brain.

It sounds like adhd to me too. This is like my dd’s brain and she has adhd. She has to have music, the tv and her phone playing different things to cancel her brain out to make her relaxed enough to sleep!

I too think it sounds like adhd.

https://www.nelft.nhs.uk/support-whilst-you-wait-nlds-adhd/

Agree it sounds like something different to depression as cause, depression might be the result of whats going on as opposed to the condition myself. My son was diagnosed as autistic at 12 which has an overlap with some aspects of ADHD which others have mentioned and he has told me his brain races unpleasantly very frequently, he constantly listens to music or has fans on for white noise etc overnight and has done since he was old enough to ask for one! I can imagine a brain that won't stop desperately trying to process the world would result in exhaustion and depression.

He manages the gym through the week and he does have a full time job, but in the background he’s constantly battling the insane busyness in his brain. It’s relatively new, I’d say 6 months - 9 months, and in that time I’ve called the crisis team and they said ‘see your GP’ which is when they upped the meds that are doing nothing to calm this noise he’s dealing with. Today was just so sad. He told my mum yesterday that he’s got nothing to live for…

He’s not one for going out, drinking, so he has very few friends and none that he’ll see regularly. He feels like he doesn’t fit in. He doesn’t like sport, or the normal things a 27 year old likes. He’s got 2 cousins around the same age and they are entirely different. They both are outgoing, massive friend groups, drinking, socialising, footie matches all the time, holidays, whereas my son, he literally does nothing.

I try get him to do things but his awkwardness is so profound he can’t ….

Can you afford private psychiatrist

Sorry. Just read your earlier post. Just keep talking to him x

Ah op it does sound like autism and adhd. He’s on a waiting list? How long do they think? Does he know anything about adhd/ think it is that? If he works and goes to the gym that’s a lot! Can ye revert back to kid status? Family tv/ board games? Or if ye have any tv/ YouTube you could sit in on him with Does he get on with the cousins? (If he doesn’t maybe don’t push that). Sorry am no help, just talking, listening and hugs and pushing with gp

Sounds like audhd.
I have ADHD and awaiting asd assessment.Im constantly having racing thoughts and hyperactive physically yet struggling to organize a life outside of work and hate social activities.Im59 a diagnosis would have helped me.
Even without a formal diagnosis can it not be looked into and suggested as antidepressants don't work as well for these conditions.
I also have SAD which I understand is common with ADHD.
Sending hugs to you as it must be a dreadful strain worrying about your lovely ds.