Crying at EVERYTHING and scared I'll hurt DD

[PeedOffandPg]

When DD was a month old she accidentally rolled off my lap and onto the floor. My feet had slipped from the box they were resting on and I grabbed her but I wasnt quick enough. She was scared and cried but was unhurt and calmed down when I fed her. I was a shaking wreck and five weeks later I am getting worse. Constant images of falling down stairs with, tripping, loads of disastrous stuff are always popping into my head.
To make it worse I well up at every advert about child cruelty and child hunger etc. Its like I am a big bloody wet sponge.

I am lucky enough to see a therapist and when I was pregnant actually didnt mind being huge because I knew DD was safe inside me.
I have a pack of AD's I havent started yet and I know it is probably time to take them.
I just wanted to hear from others in this situation - all this anxiety is exhausting.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this.
I'm sure you know this but what happened to your baby could have happened to any of us.

I remember many times on the post natal threads my fellow junies (2005) posting about similar accidents.
one tripped over a cat on the stairs and the baby landed on her head (and was fine!). We all sympathised because we know how easy it is.
It's such a shock to be so responsible for such a tiny little person who we love so bloody much.
I wonder if you can seperate that one incident from how you are feeling. From your op it is clear that you had anxieties even in pregnancy.
I really hope you can find happiness as a new Mummy
Maybe you are right about the ad's. If you are not sure, a proffesional opinion is probably best for you.
((((hugs))))

Thank you pellmell.
I know this sounds odd and weird but I wanted to read about others who'd had accidents with their LO's.

It is to reassure myself that a)it happens and b) babies are tougher than we think.

That poor Mum who tripped on the stairs must have been beside herself!

I use to torture myself with similar thoughts after ds1 was born.

To make you feel better DS1 fell of the sofa at 3 months (his first roll over - bad timing or what!) he was fine I was distraught

When he was 6 months old he ate a whole packet of silica gel (god knows where it came from)

I took ad's for anxiety, they helped me alot.

I know exactly how you feel.

I had the most horrible visions for the first few months after I had my dd. This then turned into frustration and anger; and yes, I felt dangerous and was worried I would hurt my dd. In the end I finally went to see my doctor, I went onto AD's and am going to coucelling. I am now a different person.

It's so soon after your DD was born to jump on the depression route. Your tired and your still getting used to the fact your a mother and your life has changed. My biggest problem was the fact that my whole self had been sucked up into the little baby and I felt like she was the only thing I had to talk about.

Are you going to any baby groups or post-natal groups? Please talk to your HV or your local psych nurse? I have found both of mine indispencible.

Accidents do happen sometimes. My dd ate a bit of plastic a few months ago and I spent about 5 hours in A&E with her.

It's very hard when your feeling so anxious, please post if you need us.

just a thought (hope you don't mind me saying this)
If reading about other peoples accidents will make you imagine it happening to you (more vividly) then stop reading!!!
On the other hand, you might be reassured that how you feel is not unusual.
One of the positive things is to understand is that it can happen to all of us.
Babies are very tough and you don't hear about these accidents from new mothers because they feel they will be judged as having failed to protect the baby from harm.
Please don't worry about harming yours...you sound like an excellent Mummy.

I have similar horrible thoughts and weep at anything to do with children! I think its really normal. Children are always having little accidents and we can't protect them all the time - just know that its extremely unlikely that any of the truely awful images/scenes that you are imagining will ever happen. Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks for the supportive words - I do have an HV and a MH visitor who I have just started seeing. I guess the problem is worse because I have arthritis not helped by post pregnancy muscle pain so dont get out, which I 'm sure would help.

HV is really proactive tho and is looking at getting me help. It would be great to talk to other Mums.

Sushipaws - your comment about your whole self being sucked into the little baby - with you on that! I feel I have become someone else but I guess that is common.

Oh no, thats really hard for you if you can't get out much, sometimes a 5 minute walk in the fresh air can do wonders for your mental well being (especially if your dd is restless).

I use the Post Natal Depression Project, it's a Scottish thing but I'm sure there will be other charities like this in the rest of the UK.

The feeling like you've lost yourself is very common, my councellor told me most of her clients feel this way.

Is your partner with you? Do you have someone who can look after your dd so you can take an hour off and go to the pictures or meet up with friends for a coffee? Even a small break for some YOU time can help so very much.

I have found that I lost the person I was and now I've dealt with that I am becoming a new person. I don't have the freedoms I used to have but I do have a wonderful family and the unquestionable love of my daughter.

I can wholey recommend CBT councelling if you go down that route. It's not airy fairy looking into your childhood etc. it's just thinking about the situation reasonably and changing the thoughts that make you anxious, angry or depressed.

sushipaws - I have a DP but he's not around much (long story) I am BF at the mo so dont want to leave her for very long (had dentist today and DP had her, was positive she would be screaming for a feed, but couldnt have been more wrong, they had a nice walk in the sun with DD wide-eyed in her pram)

DD often has a spot in the day when she sleeps for an hour or more and I'll go on Mumsnet or do dishes (keeping the place at a manageable level of chaos makes me feel better!)

I think I too will have to get used to this new person I have become. In the meantime all your posts are helpful and reassure me that I'm not alone.

Hi,I am an experiencedold mum of 3.

I felt very "mortal" when I had my 1st child.I was very scared that something would happen to me or him,and felt very heavily "burdened" with the responsibility of it all.

When my next DC arrived 8 years later(2nd marriage) I felt much more relaxed and even "confident",so much so that my DD1 (DC2) rolled off the Changing Station,while I turned around to grab a nappy!!,she was 6 months old,and I felt dreadful,as I supposedly "knew" better!!

I now have DD2 and am enjoying her immensely(sp?)I am a little overcautious at times,which I think is natural,and it is hard as you see danger at every turn,but you can't "wrap them in cotton wool" as much as you'd like to.

Take each day as it comes,the Lo's do have bumps and grazes,but with such a loving and protective mum watching over her,I'm sure she'll be fine.

Its amazing how all these cliches like "wrap them in cotton wool" take on real significance. I have been daydreaming about rubber floors "just in case"

Sawyer64, my goddaughter, now 10, also fell off the changing table and she is fine. I try to remember that!

They usually are,they seem to have amazing bouncing capabilities!!
My mum says my brother reversed himself round whilst crawling and fell through a open part in the bannisters of the stairs,full height straight to the bottom!!
She just grabbed him and ran to a neighbours,who was a nurse,she couldn't even look at him,he had barely a scratch on him,he was about a year old! I think most mums can tell a story,luckily for us our Lo's sem to make it through our parenting skills somehow!