Did something bad to a girl with anorexia as a teenager

[milkyway512]

I was 17 and she also had a personality disorder of some kind I believe, because her behaviour wasn’t great at points towards me so I told a friend in that group and he informed the others after a discussion about her (that I wasn’t a part of) and excluded her. I also sort of flirted with her crush and from that point onwards she was quite cold with me.

the thing is she had and still has anorexia quite badly - she is visibly malnourished and I think nowadays she might even self harm. I think she comes from a low income family too, which adds to my guilt as I feel I bullied someone who was vulnerable in many ways and I can’t get over my guilt.

I have had my own mental health issues too, and have been experiencing psychosis and am under a mental health team for it. I have been suicidal a few times and have had a couple of attempts since 2021. I also have autism.

I feel like this might be my illness playing up, but how do I get over my guilt? I didn’t have psychosis at the time when I was 17 but did have depression/anxiety and didn’t have a diagnosis then. I just feel I did something truly awful and feel like it’s sort of unforgivable to do something like that to such a visibly unwell person.

can anyone help me see this objectively and clearly? Also would my actions have really made her illness worse? Thank you.

I had to read that twice to try and work out what you actually did. It sounds like you discussed her less good behaviour with a friend, and then he sided with you and gave her the cold shoulder? That's normal. Be kind to yourself.

This is your own illness playing up. You have done nothing more towards this girl than happens billions of times every day in the world - she wasn’t very nice to you (“her behaviour wasn’t great to me”) so you told a friend who then told others and she was then excluded from a group - probably for more reasons than just what you said. Then you flirted with someone she had a crush on. This has grown arms and legs in your head. I think the guilt you are feeling isn’t warranted - the best thing you can do now is be kind to yourself. Good luck.

I’ve been a bullly and been bullied and I forgive those who bullied me as we were children. I feel bad for the people I hurt of course but we were children and all struggling. You have got to learn to forgive yourself. I also have adhd and autism and was very behind for my age which you probably were too

Sounds like pretty normal teenage behaviour. From what you said it doesnt sound like bullying to me, just 2 girls not getting along.

It doesnt sound unbalanced enough to be bullying. Sounds more like two troubled teenagers disliking each other ?

Teenage peers aren't going to be able to fix personality disorders. It sounds like you responded to someone behaving badly towards you in a very normal teenage way. It's awfully sad that this woman is in this situation but you never had the power to change it.

Lean into the support you are getting for yourself for now.

Completely agree with others. It is your illness magnifying this. It also shows you have good insight to have suspected this. Most importantly though, it shows you're a decent person for caring about how you may have treated others in the past. We've all done things as children we wouldn't do as adults. Be kind to yourself and maybe share that you've had this kind of worry going on with your mh team. It might be they can adjust the care your getting right now to help make sure you're not relapsing.

I agree totally.

Take it easy on yourself, OP. And please tell your mental health team so they can help you get this into perspective.