Anxious and feel like a failure over everything

[Spriteicedtea]

I have signed up for talking therapy through my GP and have an appointment this week. I feel I'm on the verge of losing it and tearing up at whatever.

I am so alone, single parent, toxic family and very few friends. I feel like I am failing my son as see my own insecurities and anxiety is holding me back. I'm ashamed of my cluttered, messy house so can't invite his friends around and the mums are very friendly with each other and arrange things together for their kids. When I try to arrange things I get declined gently. My son does have friends at school but I feel it's a constant struggle and worry to ensure he is happy and fitting in. He does get invited to parties (I'm aware of many he isn't as hear the other parents talking). He never gets invited to play dates. I worry the parents look down on me for being a single parent. I feel like a misfit everywhere and just so lonely.

Holding it together every day for my son and my job but this week I've wanted the ground to swallow me up.

It sounds like you have a lot of things on your mind so hopefully the talking therapy will help you to begin to make some changes to your life. I’m sure you aren’t letting your son down, and actually you will benefit from making yourself a priority and giving yourself some thought too.

use your opening post at therapy this week to tell the therapist your position. Good luck

The fact that you are so anxious about your son is because you love him so much. This is a sign that you are a good parent.
Those parents who are leaving your child out of play dates are not the kind of people you want as your friends anyway.
Hang in there, I promise you are doing a much better job than you think

It is easy to feel over-whelmed by the various issues that you're facing. There are some things you can't change (toxic family) but there are some that you can. And there are some that, of themselves, aren't necessarily bad things (single parent). Bit it all crowds up, and you think you're doing a rubbish job, and so you feel more overwhelmed and the cycle continues.

You will be doing a much better job than you think.

You're doing the right thing getting therapy.

You can then focus on the things you can change, one at a time. Don't look ata list of problems, look at one issue that's bothering you and set a series of small goals so you can improve things. If your cluttered house bothers you, start picking off one task at a time, or one room at a time. Give yourself a (reasonable) deadline and work towards it. That will be one less things to bother you, and might help you feel more on top of things. Then pick off the next thing.

You will get there. And remember the most important thing is that your son knows they are loved, and they can rely on you to be there for them.

Thanks for the replies and words of support. I feel so isolated and lonely I have no idea who I can turn to. Things are on an even keel with my ex husband and at times like this I wish I could turn to him like when we were married. It's pathetic. I'm trying so hard to keep it together for my son. My life consists of work, childcare and housework with little to no support.

I'm putting an update here for anyone who is willing to read it and just to let myself keep a record.

I had the initial appointment with the talking therapies yesterday and they have agreed to refer me to counselling. I am hoping to get the referral through soon. I explained how I am feeling, I took parts from my posts here so thanks to whoever suggested this.

Today I feel utterly overwhelmed and starting to feel a numb feeling. My son had a bad day at school where two different incidences occurred of kids teasing him. I feel powerless. All I can do is keep helping him be more assertive. I feel so terrible for him and a total failure.

We've moved this thread to our Mental Health topic at the OP's request.

You can also speak to the school about concerns. Also have a look at Gingerbread the charity for single parents.