I'm in a very vulnerable place right now so please be kind.
I am diagnosed and medicated for GADS, I also highly suspect I have ADHD and am looking into a diagnosis.
My husband have been together for 15 years, married for 5. I haven't been the besy partner, I struggle with impulse control and have previously got myself into financial difficulty. Its happened again but on a massive scale, I've lied to my husband to cover it up because of the guilt and shame and he is rightly considering whether he wants to end our marriage.
A couple of months ago I discovered an app called Whatnot. Its an impulse buyers dream with constant live streams of people selling items at 'cheap' prices. My impulse control was non exsistent and I've racked up a credit card bill of £7500 and went £1500 into my overdraft. At the same time he is doing everything he can to save money because he wants to train to be a pilot.
I told him about it last night and he is rightly furious, about the lies, me spending so much money on shit and putting his dream at risk. I have given him an out and said I should be making his life better not worse and it would hurt me but I would understand if he wanted a divorce. He says he is adamant he wants us to stay together but the spending and lies have to stop.
Overnight I have not been in a good place, I've even checked my death in service payments to see if they are still paid out if I die by suicide. I don't think Ive ever had a romantic or personal relationship that I havent messed up because I've done stupid shit like this and hid it out of guilt and shame. I don't know what to do now. He is amazing and deserves so much better, I want to be better but don't know how to be.
Has anyone else experienced this and made it through? Please dont respond unless its helpful and said with kindness. I know I dont deserve it but I havent got the resillience for anything else right now