Hi, I'm sorry that sounds tough. Addictive & compulsive behaviour is very common in ADHD - not surprising given risk taking,hyperfocus & dopamine seeking, difficulties with emotional regulation are also characteristic of ADHD'ers. These features will be more pronounced when ADHD is untreated, when medication or skills to help support and manage these are not in place. Your DH's compulsion for tidyness/neatness is likely driven from internal anxiety and agitation born out of an inherent need to feel as if he has some aspect of his world under control. Having a clean and tidy house is probably his way of managine his sensory overwhelm, of feeling he can keep his thoughts in order - and also an expression of a real need to be in control of something concrete. This is probably an unconscious reaction to living with a fast thinking brain that essentially is running lots of browsers at once, throwing thoughts and information at a rate that can make it difficult for him to know what to prioritise, is constantly noisy and tiring, pulling him in all directions. He is trying to battle a mind that can't hold on to a sense of time, dates, obligations, can't execute what he needs to do when he should, but desperately wants , or DOES have its mind sent down hyperfocussed rabbit holes that are either brilliant, productive, creative etc or result in nothing else being attended to maybe should be. Along with this comes a difficulty in remembering to listen to the interoceptive cues that may be shouting thirst, hunger, need to go to the loo etc that are unconsciously creating irritability and agitation alongside a likely issue with either sleeping enough, being able to get to sleep or not being able to get up and get going. Have you looked at https://adhduk.co.uk/ ? They have brilliant support groups every day of the week for those with adhd, families of, men only, women only, for particular age groups, for the workplace, for managing finance - all sorts. They are live zoom groups, and they are honestly so helpful. You just make a donation of however much you want to to attend. Link to the group options is https://adhduk.co.uk/support/ - have a look at the rest of the site there is so much info. Also there are great pod casts out there: The ADHD Adults Podcast being one of them, or ADHD as females - there are loads!. I would suggest maybe he sees a counsellor, an adhd coach (doesn't need to be diagnosed officially or on meds to access) - who might help him feel understood, help him manage his ADHD traits better etc. I don't know if you've talked to him about how you feel, or how much he has looked into it ADHD so that once he begins to understand it, he can understand his behaviours, recognise what needs lie behind them and rather than see you as 'blaming him' or 'having a go' 'criticising him' be open to the two of you working out how he can have his ND need met in a way that doesn't negative impact you and affect you. You also need to be able to feel happy in your home! I was late diagnosed and once I learnt about it and got support it helped me understand so much of my nature: I am a walking contradiction - I highly controlled /disciplined in some areas and it comes from the fact that I am highly undercontrolled in others - it helps me balance that out. I realised I buy so many things in multiples because of an unconscious anxiety about forgetting to buy them (ie loo roll) and how awful it would be, or because I know I lose keys/specs etc ALL the time, so I have tonnes of them so I can cope if a set goes astray. I turn up to everything early, way early, always, and that's because i'm terrified of being hyperfocussed/distracted and losing track of time and being in trouble for not showing up and forgettting a date or being super late and the anxiety that brings. I am horrendously critical of myself because I feel I am so erratic, impatient, messy and chaotic, yet I have always held organisational /managerial roles, am great in a crisis for other people, love helping people out whilst internally battling with huge impostor syndrome, feeling incompetent and battle anxiety /depression, rejection sensitivity all the time from a lifetime of feeling like I'm not quite good enough, I'm too much or too little. Good luck!