Just accepting who i am or is there any hope of changing myself?

[Isthismylastchance]

I've struggled most of my life with mental health issues.

I'm now in my early seventies.

My last interaction over the past couple of years with mental health professionals was a CBT course which was abandoned by mutual agreement because my issues seemed too complex
And a series of sessions with a Clinical Psychologist which again was terminated by mutual agreement because she assessed me as Autistic and she felt not competent to help me .

I found the autism diagnosis challenging. On the one hand it absolved me from blame for a lot of things. But it's also left me with a sense that I can't hope to change myself.

Today I started what what was meant to be a 2 day course for people dealing with mental health issues and was supposed to help them live a meaningful life. It was about wellbeing.

I lasted 2 hours before walking out. It was like a CBT course done in group form rather than individual and I found it very excruciating.

The thing I came away with from the short time I was there was the idea that benefit and change can only come from the individual. That health care professionals can't really change things. It's got to come from within. I think I knew this but given what I know about my own mental health i find this devastating.
I know my own brain structure was changed irrevocably by emotional neglect as a child. I know I am autistic. I don't want to be a social alien but really is there any hope of changing who I am,?

What do you want to change into OP? What is it that you want? If you want to be a social butterfly that's probably never going to happen, but if you want to have friendships that's not impossible for example.

You say you would like to change who you are but what exactly do you mean by that?

I want to be able to do normal things - like go and have a cup of coffee. Get a train etc and not have my life restricted by my social anxiety and my crippling lack of self esteem.
I'd like to be able to socialise with people - join clubs or activities. So I'm not perpetually by myself.

As some diagnosed as AuDHD in my late forties and with C-PTSD about a decade earlier, I’d say that the path to the things you want absolutely starts and absolutely continues with self acceptance.

Doing that helps you relax into yourself and that relaxation gives you the capacity and knowledge to start doing the things you want to in ways that don’t add to your stress. Accepting that some of the things I did that seemed at odds with some of the things I wanted was my nervous system’s way of protecting me based on past experience really helped me stop fighting myself so much and that gave me so much more energy.

I would also throughly recommend the work of Pete Walker on C-PTSD to find ways if treating yourself in a way that helps you open up to yourself.

I agree about looking at complex PTSD. I've been having EMDR therapy and its been life changing. I was dx with ADHD in my late 30s and grew up in a a chaotic household.

OP it sounds like what you've been to is really generic and not very high quality psychological support - no wonder it is not helping.

I would suggest first thing is high quality person centred therapist. So worth the money i promise you

Also 5 mins of yoga every morning helped shift my social anxiety a bit

Good luck - you deserve better

emdr was helpful for me too but found building a relationship with a therapist first vital

This may be a daft question, but are you on any medication for your anxiety?