A year ago I lost my first baby at 9 weeks pregnant. I’m not handling it well, I still haven’t accepted the loss and I’m so depressed and constantly thinking about the baby and how I miss them so much. I went on an antidepressant but had a bad reaction to it and it caused me to develop panic attacks and OCD. The panic and OCD are related to health anxiety, I work in healthcare so I’m surrounded by what triggers me, I’ve become so squeamish (wasn’t before) and it makes being at work so difficult and just full of anxiety, and creating more anxiety to bring home.
I’ve been taking a lot of days off recently. I’ma very hard working person so this change is new to me. When I first lost the baby I was picking up extra shifts and working 6 days a week, although I would have to go to the bathroom often to cry. I feel like I’ve just run myself to empty, I don’t have the capacity for much anymore, I’ve been isolating myself, the panic attacks and OCD are just too much and there’s still the depression on top of all that.
i don’t even know what to do. I’m an immigrant so leaving my job means losing my visa. The only thing I want is to be at home taking care of my baby :(