No idea what to title this

[KittyFanesParasol]

I have BPAD. lots of sections, ECT. I've been stable for 2 years and god in falling again.

Everything is foggy in my mind. I'm making mistakes at work- lots of them. I booked 3 tickets to the same location because I didn't realise I had done it. I live in London for 10 years, couldn't Remeber what station I was going from, couldn't work out how to check and got lost on the tube for 2 hours because I didn't understand the map. I can't Remeber some queues, can't do sequences.

I'm now under the home tamer team and they've upped my antipychotic to max. No difference. I heard clapping in the hallway and people calling my name patting my arm.

I thought of stepping in front of a train just to make it all so.

I'm sorry. I'm just so scared I can't bloody well do this again to everyone

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You need to see your psychiatrist or your GP ASAP. If you feel like you’re an immediate danger to yourself please call 999 or go to A&E. You will get through this again, as hard as it seems right now

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Can you ring your mental health team? Do they have an out of hours number? Or please attend A+E and ask for more help. Good luck.

Just trying to build it together until tomorrow afternoon when I see HTT again. Terrified of being sectioned again. I'm hiding it together, I am but maybe I'm not because DD,18, was asking me if I was OK and said she was worried about me going into hospital again. I have to travel to a meeting down south tomorrow and I'm scared of screwing it up. Work don't know (telling an employr never ends well) . I just want to run away in safe tonight

I did ring out of his last week but the lady on the phone didn't speak very good English and thought I was worths about work gossiping about me when actually it was voices

Hope you are ok Op, could it be that the medication you are taking just isn't working any more and you need to swap to another one?

Thank you for checking in, I really do appreciate that.

I've run the whole gamut of antipsychotics unfortunately... they cancelled on me today but seeing me in the morning...praying they don't suggest clozapine.