I’ve had enough - can’t cope with life anymore.

[changed12]

I’ve been trying to write this post for a while, I don’t know what I want from it but I’ve got no one to turn to in RL.

I have fibromyalgia so am in pain all the time, it’s especially bad last thing at night and first thing in the morning. I’m being investigated for arthritis as well now. As well as the pain I am always tired. It’s tough as I go to bed each night knowing it’s going to take me forever to fall asleep and I’ll be wakened at least once in the night in pain.

I’m working full time but feel I can’t do it properly anymore and when I come home from work I’m so tired I usually fall asleep. DH WFH and he’s now the default parent, I don’t feel like much of a parent at all really. He organises everyone and I just feel like a spare part. I have teenage DC and they and DH are so noisy. They scream and shout a lot, they say they are having fun and I’m boring for telling them to quieten down but there’s no need to be randomly screaming, play fighting, shouting etc. They also like watching the same things or playing video games so I’m often upstairs on my own, if I’m not asleep.

One of my adult DC suffers from severe OCD as well, they are agoraphobic and haven’t left home in over 3 years. They’ve had some support but it hasn’t worked and their OCD and anxiety is worse than ever. It’s heartbreaking watching them suffer to the extent that they can’t take a shower or even write certain numbers down.

I have no family support and very few friends, I was bullied out my last job, it was horribly toxic. I have an ok job now but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to work going forward.

DH and Is marriage is down the toilet too, he can be quite controlling at times and very rising in his routines. We aren’t sleeping in the same bed anymore as he would complain about me moving about, staying up late, snoring that I felt so uncomfortable going to sleep with him that I feel happier sleeping on my own.

I feel my family don’t like me, see me as a lazy killjoy, I have nothing to look forward to just a life of pain and discomfort and if I worry about finances of if I can’t work. I don’t see the point anymore.

I’m here to listen OP ❤️ have you been able to speak to your GP about how you’re feeling? Don’t lose hope, many of us are here for you.

Hi I just wanted to reply really, even though I don’t have lots of advice.❤️ Have you tried the listening service through the NHS. It’s very good❤️❤️❤️❤️

Living with chronic pain is seriously debilitating @changed12 it is unsurprising that you must feel so very low.

Hoping that this resource may offer a modicum of support 🌸

I am sorry OP that seems like a lot to deal with . I think you have to try and tackle one issue at a time . I would go back to your GP and see if there is anything you can do about your pain / sleeping .
For your job , it seems that fibromyalgia may be classed as a disability . I would double check this and speak to your HR dept ( if you have one ) to see if there are any reasonable adjustments that can be made eg is your job one that you could WFH some of the time ?
Are there any support groups / outside help/ online groups for your son or even for yourself that might help you and he to connect with those in a similar position .
I think it is important if you can to try and keep up your existing friends . I think that will be more challenging for you as you obviously don’t seem to have the same energy levels as others .
Your home situation sounds difficult and I wonder if you could get a pair of noise cancelling headphones to drown out some of the noise ?
Only you can decide if it is worth while trying to save your relationship . Maybe try and have a talk with your husband .

You aren't alone and I hope things improve for you soon .

Thank you for your replies and suggestions I do appreciate them I don’t want to appear ungrateful in my reply.

Regarding the GP - I’ve told her countless times how I feel, I’m on sertraline. I’ve been referred to the pain clinic and a specialist physiotherapist in the past. I’ve even paid for a private consultation. I take painkillers daily which help a little bit, pregabalin and the like left me too drowsy to function. The sleep thing is the worst just now, last night I finally got to sleep around 1am, woke about 6 times in the night at least up for the day at 6.30am I don’t know how I’m going to get through today.

Work issue, WFH can’t do at all. I am very reluctant to even tell work I have fibromyalgia as that was one of the things that was used against me in my last job. I was accused of making it up (despite diagnosis from consultant rheumatologist) it was used to effectively demote me too. They used all the “oh we will make accommodations” but then I got scolded like a child one day for sitting on a chair at the end of a long day.

Home situation - I have loop headphones for cutting out the noise. I feel like a referred between DH and my DC with OCD, they don’t get out of bed until 3pm then do very little, DH goes mad with this. I come home exhausted into this. The younger DC bypass me as if I don’t exist to talk to DH.

I could have almost written your post. I have fibromyalgia and various MSK issues. I also have 3 SEN children with various medical needs and a husband who is immunocompromised (works FT), is in hospital a lot and no practical support. None of this happened until after the third was born.

I'm on sertraline and duloxetine and have done the pain management clinic. It's impossible to get the GP to see that what I struggle with most are the practical aspects of life. He suggested I'm lonely 🤔. The only way in which I'm lonely is having no practical support when im having a flare up or can't walk because of the pain I'm in. I have no choice but to carry on and each time I do, I get a new msk issue that then needs physio, or it stops me sleeping for weeks, or some other physical knock on effect that is life limiting. I have plenty of people on the phone to support me emotionally.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm either not portraying my poor quality of life, there's genuinely nothing anyone can do to help me, or I've not yet found the support that's out there. I'm planning on doing an adult needs assessment to see if that opens any support. Have you applied for PIP? This is something I'm thinking of doing. Also have a look in your local community for what help might be out there.

@MaverickSnoopyso sorry to hear you are in constant pain too, it affects every area of your life doesn’t it? I was on duoxetine for a year but got terrible side effects like brain zaps. It’s a balancing act between getting some relief and not having side effects isn’t it?

The strange thing is my pain is worse when I’m resting and not moving so first thing in the morning is horrendous and at night. Tonight I could hardly get off the couch yet I can walk for an hour round the park. I can’t remember the last time I had a full nights sleep.

I receive the Scottish equivalent of PIP the lowest level, I use it to pay to have my ironing done and my vitamins. I’m actually considering a private MRI to actually see what’s going on once and for all