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TW Childhood abuse - just need solidarity

12 replies

Twoshoesnewshoes · 17/10/2025 17:27

You know when everything is good, life is going well, your experiences are just one thread in the glorious tapestry of your life….
then you get triggered by something, accidentally cry on your supervisee at work, go home and eat all the chocolate, and just feel like, ugh.
i feel really alone with it all.
i know i will feel okay soon, but i wish there was someone here who understands.
hugs needed 😞

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wendywoopywoo222 · 17/10/2025 17:47

You’re welcome to a huge hug from me. Sadly I know that feeling and I’m sure more women on here sadly do as well so you’re definatly not alone. Pops up and reminds you at the most awkward and unexpected moments. I’m finally, 40 years later trying some therapy to help as it’s got worse as I get older. Here, have some more hugs. 🤗

Twoshoesnewshoes · 17/10/2025 17:52

@wendywoopywoo222 thank you so so much for the hugs.
I’ve had lots of therapy and fine 90% of the time…it’s just the 10% that feels so ugh horrid and lonely.
so thank you xx

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Starlightstarbright4 · 18/10/2025 23:29

Sending hugs .

do something comforting , a hot drink , wrap yourself up in a blanket .

I know the feelings you are not alone

Twoshoesnewshoes · 18/10/2025 23:34

Awwww thank you @Starlightstarbright4
good idea- I’ll make a hot water bottle

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SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 22/10/2025 11:22

Hey, I know how you feel. Similar childhood/adolescent experiences and now the emotional flashbacks are very difficult - it's hard to be resilient and keep things in perspective and easy to go back to that place of feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed and unsafe. It's not easy at all when you never had that sense of safety and stability to start with.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 22/10/2025 11:56

Thank you @SteakBakesAndHotTakes- yes I think I do easily feel overwhelmed, it’s my go to.
i also feel physically freezing cold! Weird

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Eyesopenwideawake · 22/10/2025 14:58

I don't know if it will help but this is how I describe childhood trauma;

When something bad happens, a part of our mind gets the job of working out why it happened so we can work out how to avoid a similar event in the future. It's a protection mechanism, not one that's meant to torment us but part of that 'working out' involves rerunning the event from every angles, hence the flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive thoughts.

However, when we suffer a traumatic event in our lives (especially early trauma) there isn’t always an answer. Trauma can be so unexpected (and is always undeserved) – the truth is we didn’t do anything wrong to cause it and certainly couldn’t have avoided it; no matter what others might say.

The need to make some sort of sense of the experience can often lock us into that moment. A part of our subconscious becomes unable to move on until we can fully understand it and put it to rest in our minds. It becomes like a jigsaw puzzle with some vital pieces missing.

However, if we had a jigsaw puzzle that we knew didn’t have all the pieces, we would stop trying to solve it. Our mind only engages with things it thinks it has the possibility of achieving. Once the subconscious mind knows that this traumatic event – or series of events – was never meant to make sense (because not everything in life is going to make sense), and anything we
were going to learn from it was learned at the time, it can let go of the search for resolution.

You don't forget what happened but the emotional bond is broken so that you are no longer affected by it. One client described it as though when she tried to grasp the feelings associated with the trauma, it slipped harmlessly from her hands, as if covered in oil.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 22/10/2025 16:45

Thank you @Eyesopenwideawake
most of the time the actual abuse feels very fuzzy now, like a ‘normal’ memory from that time. And I think this was definitely an emotional and fear response- made me panicky. Partly because I believe that someone at work is very dodgy but no evidence. So familiar feelings of helplessness I think.

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NewStart92 · 22/10/2025 18:45

Giving you a virtual hug @Twoshoesnewshoes I hope you're feeling okay... I'm really struggling with so much at the minute. It feels like I'll never get better, but I know in reality I will. I have to for my children. We should have never experienced what we did and we need to treat ourselves with compassion and love - things we should have been given in childhood 💜

Twoshoesnewshoes · 23/10/2025 10:17

Thanks @NewStart92 and big hugs to you too.
are you having any therapy?

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NewStart92 · 23/10/2025 15:08

Twoshoesnewshoes · 23/10/2025 10:17

Thanks @NewStart92 and big hugs to you too.
are you having any therapy?

I am, but privately. Not getting anywhere with the NHS. My therapist is really nice and does it pretty cheap as I'm on maternity leave at the minute. It's helping but I can't have it as often as I'd like because of the cost! Also on sertraline but to be honest I'm not sure if they're making me worse! Have you found that anything in particular helps? @Twoshoesnewshoes

Twoshoesnewshoes · 24/10/2025 09:37

I had years of therapy- I’m actually a psychotherapist and had to have four years of therapy as part of my training.
it was in that therapy that stuff started to emerge- it was so so confusing.
so I paused my training, got more therapy, and most of the time it makes sense. Most of the time!
the other thing that has helped is citalopram (SSRI).
I came off it briefly last year to see how I was without it as I was doing well- uh, no, I still have such a somatic sense of panic and anxiety. It helps so much with that, so guess I am on it for life. which is fine.

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