Page 2 | About to crack

Bernie23 · 2025-10-14T19:01:46+00:00

Feel like I could just collapse. ☹️ I work as a teacher in a very busy school. Never enough time to do anything and feeling huge pressure. Managing the behavior just has me drained every day. I have 2 children one in year 5. & one at secondary. Husband away from 6.30 am to 6 in evening. I bring one child to her bus, rush back, walk dog & bring second child to school. Work all day. Collect youngest from her site at school. Bring home or do afterschool run depending what day it is. Youngest has music on Tue & Sports on Wed. Oldest has music on Wed. I get home and oldest asks what’s for dinner!!!! I do all the homework, test revisions & music practice. Make the break & packed lunches for youngest, make all the appointments, hair for both kids last week. Drs appointment today for eldest, dog groom for this weekend. Just after work today I ordered a birthday cake for oldest, a Halloween costume for youngest, picked up youngest from music, drove to chemist to pick up script for oldest, home to make dinner & do homework. Oldest yells at me as she can’t find her PE tshirt .. I had told her to get it from the wash basket & she couldn’t see it. When I go and search the basket it is sitting in there!!! I nearly lost it! I’m just wrecked!

Original poster

Bernie23 · 14/10/2025 21:49

Peclet · 14/10/2025 21:14

Hi- you need to plan and embed systems and if at all possible throw some money at the problems-

Hire a dog walker?
Cleaner?

i have a family planner on the wall that we update every Sunday for the week ahead and everything goes on there. Each night we check and make sure we are ready for the day ahead.

Dinners- meal plan! 2/3 nights a week is a freezer meal. This would be a pre prepped chilli/spag bol/curry/hearty soup or casserole that is defrosted and only needs rice/pasta heated up to go with. One Sunday a month I make a big amount of one of these and portion it out into meals for the weeks ahead. The other nights you can be more creative/basic as you feel. Get everyone to choose meals they like (about 20) and rotate them over the month.
Toasties and some cut up veg is fine!
scrambled eggs on toast is also good, beans etc. older child can do this?

After school-
Get kids to take out lunch boxes out and emptied and washed. Dried then DP repacks them fully and put in the fridge overnight for the morning. DP the overseas school bags are ready for the next day. This is his job.

Before school- hire a dog walker! This will buy you so much time.

Edited

Thank you.. we do have a calendar up with all
the activities and appointments.. which are written up & done by me!

We have a cleaner once a fortnight for 2-3 hours.
My youngest won’t eat bread or similar in lunches..( terrible eater with history of allergies) I heat up beans/soups to put in a flask but that has to be done in the morning.
Will try the cooking and freezing a spaghetti bol or chicken curry ( though youngest again won’t eat it 🙈)

OP posts:

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/10/2025 21:50

Bernie23 · 14/10/2025 21:49

Thank you.. we do have a calendar up with all
the activities and appointments.. which are written up & done by me!

We have a cleaner once a fortnight for 2-3 hours.
My youngest won’t eat bread or similar in lunches..( terrible eater with history of allergies) I heat up beans/soups to put in a flask but that has to be done in the morning.
Will try the cooking and freezing a spaghetti bol or chicken curry ( though youngest again won’t eat it 🙈)

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Could they not have a hot dinner at school?

Original poster

Bernie23 · 14/10/2025 21:50

Peclet · 14/10/2025 21:21

Hmmm-

There is no such thing as perfect. You know that.

You are headed for burnout. And trust me when I tell you that it will be devastating for you and your family. You need to be good enough.

Burnout is serious.

I do feel that. There’s days I come home that I can barely move and my face is numb ☹️

OP posts:

Original poster

Bernie23 · 14/10/2025 21:53

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/10/2025 21:50

Could they not have a hot dinner at school?

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My eldest does every day. My youngest will take it maybe only once- twice a week.

OP posts:

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/10/2025 21:54

Could the one who goes on the bus get to the stop on her own (eldest?)

Could the eldest not take the little one to school? I see loads of that round me. Big Y11 boys holding hands of little sibling on way to school

Original poster

Bernie23 · 14/10/2025 21:55

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/10/2025 21:44

But something has to give. Either use childcare, or hire a cleaner or a dog walker or go part time. Those are your options.

Otherwise you will be the one that gives.

How long had your Dh had his job? Why did you both think it would be a good idea for him to be out of the house 12 1/2 hours when you have a horribly demanding job?

He was made redundant over a year ago .
This was the job he got after. It was a necessity.

OP posts:

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/10/2025 21:56

Bernie23 · 14/10/2025 21:55

He was made redundant over a year ago .
This was the job he got after. It was a necessity.

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How difficult.

Could you go part time?

Original poster

Bernie23 · 14/10/2025 21:58

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 14/10/2025 21:54

Could the one who goes on the bus get to the stop on her own (eldest?)

Could the eldest not take the little one to school? I see loads of that round me. Big Y11 boys holding hands of little sibling on way to school

We live in the country about 5 miles from
my eldest’s school. They don’t go to school in same area. The eldest has to get the bus across a busy main way. I wouldn’t let her cross it herself.

OP posts:

Peclet · 14/10/2025 23:16

I feel for you-

dog walker- can you employ one?

also- grandparents, are they at all amenable to helping out? Could they do a school pick up or dog walk or something? My college has her adult daughters family round for dinner 1/wk to take the pressure off.

OrangeTatin · 15/10/2025 00:03

Just a small thing but get your prescriptions posted to you via Pharmacy 2 U. Takes a couple of days so if it's an urgent one then you can request it direct to pharmacy.

Original poster

Bernie23 · 15/10/2025 07:38

OrangeTatin · 15/10/2025 00:03

Just a small thing but get your prescriptions posted to you via Pharmacy 2 U. Takes a couple of days so if it's an urgent one then you can request it direct to pharmacy.

I’m not sure it is in Northern Ireland?

OP posts:

Original poster

Bernie23 · 15/10/2025 07:44

Just an update! I finally found the PE t shirt , washed it and got it sorted!
We had texted him at one point in the evening to see if he knew where it was but he didn’t.
He was away at a sports thing yesterday so wasn’t back until late and we were in bed.
Anyway he’s away to work this morning and would never have thought of even asking did yous find it, what will she do if she doesn’t have it.. it’s just assumed I will have it sorted 😫

OP posts:

femfemlicious · 15/10/2025 07:46

How old is indestructible?
Why can't they go to school themselves?. They can make the youngest pack lunch when making theirs. Get your husband to tidy up after dinner. He needs to do more. When you are cooking, cook large amounts and freeze so you old have to cook 4 times a week.

femfemlicious · 15/10/2025 07:48

Bernie23 · 14/10/2025 20:26

Thank you Icecreamhelps. I have already spoken to hubby. He just says there’s nothing he can do as he is at work.. he can’t change the fact he has to be away in morning/ later in evening. I think a lot comes from the stress of my job. I have to give 100% or else it’s chaotic. Leaves me with absolutely nothing physically & mentally for outside of work.

Can you go part time? Dealing with kids is very draining.

Original poster

Bernie23 · 15/10/2025 08:00

femfemlicious · 15/10/2025 07:46

How old is indestructible?
Why can't they go to school themselves?. They can make the youngest pack lunch when making theirs. Get your husband to tidy up after dinner. He needs to do more. When you are cooking, cook large amounts and freeze so you old have to cook 4 times a week.

They can’t go to school themselves as one needs me to drive them there.. it’s two miles to one school in one direction and the other gets a bus going in the other direction. We are rural Northern Ireland.
It’s the mental load of things that In expected to carry not even the physical things like tidying up that I just feel I am overwhelmed with. I don’t even think it’s an expectation.. it’s just not even thought about by anyone but me in the house.

OP posts:

Zippidydoodah · 15/10/2025 08:04

Gruffporcupine · 14/10/2025 21:18

Take a secret few days off work for yourself. No one needs to know x

This is impossible in teaching, unless you get signed off sick.

OP- can you go part time?

Original poster

Bernie23 · 15/10/2025 08:07

Zippidydoodah · 15/10/2025 08:04

This is impossible in teaching, unless you get signed off sick.

OP- can you go part time?

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I’m not sure.. I did go down to 4 days before but it wasn’t any better. Was nearly worse as was still responsible for everything in the class and was rushing all week to try and get everything covered. Different job needed I feel.

OP posts:

Peclet · 15/10/2025 09:01

agree DH needs to do more and pick up the mental load.

DH split the kids. So he does everything for DD in terms of monitoring homework, clubs, uniforms, etc etc. and I do the same for DS. This includes clubs and matches too. Would
that work? Divide the mental load?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/10/2025 09:23

Bernie23 · 15/10/2025 08:07

I’m not sure.. I did go down to 4 days before but it wasn’t any better. Was nearly worse as was still responsible for everything in the class and was rushing all week to try and get everything covered. Different job needed I feel.

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I found 4 days made no difference. 3 days made a massive difference.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/10/2025 09:27

Bernie23 · 15/10/2025 07:44

Just an update! I finally found the PE t shirt , washed it and got it sorted!
We had texted him at one point in the evening to see if he knew where it was but he didn’t.
He was away at a sports thing yesterday so wasn’t back until late and we were in bed.
Anyway he’s away to work this morning and would never have thought of even asking did yous find it, what will she do if she doesn’t have it.. it’s just assumed I will have it sorted 😫

I always bought 2 PE shirts for situations like this.

You have an unbelievable lot on your plate. I mean walking a dog, and taking 2 kids to different schools before you even go to work! As a teacher where it’s non stop all day.

Can you go off sick? That’s the only thing l can suggest. Your situation seems to be full of things that cannot be changed and all rest on each other. This isn’t sustainable long term. Has it always been like this?