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How do you carry on with zero support?

6 replies

Ifatreefalls · 13/10/2025 15:02

I feel completely trapped in hellish isolation. I can’t take it anymore and I really don’t want to carry on living. I’m not sure what I want from this post, maybe just to feel like someone is listening cos I don’t have anyone to talk to in real life. It’s been this way for 4 years now and no matter how hard I try nothing gets better. 4 years ago I was in an emotionally & physically abusive relationship. It was hell and I started drinking heavily to cope (I’d never had a problem with alcohol before). I had a one-year-old son at the time. Feel free to judge. I hate myself for becoming dependent on alcohol while I was caring for him. My husband told everyone we knew I was an alcoholic then left me for another woman. He also told everyone I was violent towards him when drunk (this is completely untrue- it was him who was violent). He got all the sympathy and all my friends abandoned me, my family weren’t very supportive either. No one knew about the abuse. I was ashamed I’d let it get that bad and stayed in the marriage. He also comes across as charming and no one would ever have believed he could have been the way he was when we were alone. When he left I went to an alcohol treatment facility and got sober. That was 4 years ago and I haven’t touched a drop since. I tried my best to rebuild my life and be the best mother I could be for my son after this. We got a nice flat with a garden and I worked hard to support him, ex and I shared 50:50 custody. I struggled with how lonely I was though. I had no friends left and my family didn’t seem to care. I know I shouldn’t deserve it but no one ever said well done for getting sober or asked how I was or really even mentioned it again. I was and am completely alone. Now exH is taking me to court for full custody of my son, using my history of alcohol abuse against me and saying I’m a danger to DS. His history is impeccable and I think he will win. I feel so low and so alone. I have no support. No friends anymore and my family just aren’t interested in hearing anything negative. I haven’t even told them he’s taking me to court. I haven’t really told anyone, mainly because I don’t have anyone to tell. It means I’m dealing with this crushing fear of losing him alone and it’s caused me to spiral into a deep depression. I was dating a great man recently for a few months. It took me a long time to open up about the court case & my past and when I did he ended things. Which has just reinforced my belief that I’m completely unlovable and will be alone forever. My son is the only thing that has kept me going these past 4 years, he’s my world. Now that I’m facing losing him, along with how abandoned I feel by absolutely everyone in my life, I really do not want to live anymore. There really is just nothing to live for and every day I wake up crying because it’s so emotionally painful to be awake. If it wasn’t for my son I feel certain I would take my own life but I just cannot do that to him. However, this makes me feel incredibly trapped and like I’m stuck in a cycle of immense pain that I can’t ever escape. At least with death there’s an escape, with this there is no escape and the future is so unbelievably bleak. I just don’t know what to do and am scared I may end up ending things anyway and ruining his life

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 13/10/2025 15:16

You start by telling people. How can your family give even limited support if they have no idea what's happening?

You tell your doctor what you've said here. You tell your social worker, solicitor and anyone else connected with your case that you fear that ex will lie in order to win his case and how they intend to refute those lies. You get evidence from the alcohol support centre of the dates you attend. You have been sober for four years, that's a massive achievement. What 'proof' can he give that that isn't true?

You also tell them about the abuse – you do not sugarcoat it, equally you do not exaggerate it. Look everyone straight in the eye when you speak.

If he can lie about you, you can respond by telling the simple truth about him.

Courts are very good at seeing though lies and liars.

Tiredandwired2 · 13/10/2025 15:22

I'm really sorry. I have no real advice but I didn't want to read and not post anything.

I can relate to the zero support though and it's rubbish. Keep posting on here if it helps. Have you tried contacting Samaritans or shout for some support? You sound really low and I know how hard that feels 💐

Holdonforsummer · 13/10/2025 15:27

I’m not an expert but surely the fact that you went into rehab and got sober is a massive plus in your favour the courts will see this! It sounds like you have done a great job. Try to surround yourself with positive thoughts and people and keep fighting for your son. Good luck ♥

Ifatreefalls · 13/10/2025 16:40

Eyesopenwideawake · 13/10/2025 15:16

You start by telling people. How can your family give even limited support if they have no idea what's happening?

You tell your doctor what you've said here. You tell your social worker, solicitor and anyone else connected with your case that you fear that ex will lie in order to win his case and how they intend to refute those lies. You get evidence from the alcohol support centre of the dates you attend. You have been sober for four years, that's a massive achievement. What 'proof' can he give that that isn't true?

You also tell them about the abuse – you do not sugarcoat it, equally you do not exaggerate it. Look everyone straight in the eye when you speak.

If he can lie about you, you can respond by telling the simple truth about him.

Courts are very good at seeing though lies and liars.

I haven’t told my family because I know they won’t be able to give me any support..as they have proved when my ex left me and when I went to rehab. They didn’t contact me once while I was there or after I got out. They don’t know how to be supportive- that’s why I haven’t told them about court.

My solicitor says the court may still see the fact that I have a history of alcohol abuse as a risk factor, even if I have been sober for 4 years. I have told my solicitor about the abuse and she is planning on raising it but the problem is I don’t have any proof - no witnesses or other evidence whereas he has proof of my alcohol issues. Thank you for your advice, I don’t mean to be negative, I’m just finding it so hard to be positive

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 13/10/2025 16:52

@Ifatreefalls No worries. So you've been NC with all your family for over 4 years? I'm so sorry.

Even if your family aren't able to help, there are people out there who are willing and able to help you – including on here. Can you ask MNHQ to move this thread to a busier area where you will get more support and advise? Also your local Woman's Aid group? I don't know specifics but I do know you are not alone, you just need to pluck up the courage to say "help me".

childofthe607080s · 13/10/2025 16:58

He can’t use the fact that you had an historic problem to take the child off you that easily

you may stress how you were only able to come off the alcohol after you had separated as evidence that the relationship was very bad for you - it took away the pain of living with him, softened the abuse

you couldn’t also worry that someone how drove you
to drink ( as evidenced by you now being sober ) may not be the best person to look after a child

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