Wealth but loneliness

[themuminthebighouse]

Due to a huge life event recently, I have come into quite a chunk of money. It has meant that I no longer have to work. I am single and have children. We will not want for most things.

This is a very hard post to write as I know, I am incredibly fortunate financially, however, this wealth has made me really lonely, both physically and mentally.

Due to now being single, a solo parent, my time is restricted to care for my two young children and my older generation family.

I feel stuck, And honestly, depressed. Money doesn’t buy happiness, quite the opposite, for me.

Can anyone, kindly, offer any advice as I feel so low and lonely. This is such a hard subject to discuss with my family and friends that I’ve simply avoided it.

You have family and friends, which is a start, so I guess you're looking for a relationship? Given that you're time poor but cash rich an upmarket dating agency was my first thought – they could match you with people who would not be intimidated.

If you are free during the day and crave human company then volunteering, sports clubs, church stuff (if that appeals) or possibly retraining as a JP or other such role might be an option.

What makes your blood tingle?

You could always get back into work? Even though you financially don’t need it your mental health may like having the routine and structure and people to talk to.

or have a look for local clubs/groups activities you can do to meet people? Go out for walks etc go to the gym go classes? Find a hobby?

It's not something to be ashamed of. The human being requires interaction with fellow humans to feel contented.

I notice that you have children, could you invite some of the local children around for a play date and perhaps strike up a friendship with some of the parents?

You've also taken a step towards fixing your loneliness by posting here. You should be proud of that.

Would you be open to considering dating sites?

Just because you don't have to work doesn't mean you can't work.

You could do some voluntary work. I'm part of several voluntary groups in my town and they are really sociable events which make it easy to meet people.
Could you spend some money on childcare and free up time to do things you enjoy out and about with other people?

I do gym, run, yoga and help at school. I’m trying to date but sites are a bit draining and so far I haven’t met a soul. I’ve got as much childcare as I can without it affecting my children detrimentally. Thank you for all of your kind, helpful ideas.

I am in a similar-ish situation, and a lone parent. I choose to work part time anyway, to keep my mind occupied and get out of the house. I don't talk to anyone about money and I live quite simply. No one knows I don't need to work. I have a wonderful babysitter and do try to meet up with friends about once a week. Dating has been too stressful as no one wants to date someone who can only go out once a week and can never stay over. I'm still quite lonely, but I'm used to it now (11 years in) and we make the best of things. Nice holidays help and no one needs to know just how nice they are.

My only advice is don't ever tell a man you're dating about your assets. Being a lone parent makes you a target already, being rich will make that far worse.

I think it’s a big change for you. I think once you work out what to do you’ll be happy again,. There’s so much good you can do

Could you look at joining a fancy spa/gym place? I always make friends when I join these. You could try various classes and see if you can go to any socials if they have them. Even if you don’t make an actual friend straight away it will be adult company for you.

Totally agree. In my mid twenties I bought a flat on my own. Being single with a lovely flat made me a target for would be cocklodgers. It made dating harder and that first year was pretty lonely.

See the money for what it is, a means to provide freedom to choose the kind of life you want to live.

I'm in a similar position (though still need to work, but can afford part time) - to be honest work has given me a good social aspect, and I choose to socialise with people who are great company.

Socialising as a single person has posed a greater challenge than I thought, but I have linked up with people who do want to go to gigs, theatre, comedy nights, paddleboarding - and if no-one can make it I go by myself.

Dating wise, I'm getting a bit more of the hang of online dating after six months, I treat it very much as a background thing to keep ticking over and focus meeting people in real life.

The loneliness that comes with care is a horrible thing, I found building a routine and making nodding acquaintances with those in my community the best way of easing it, and some of those have turned into genuine friendships over the years (and it did take years to build that).

How about going back to work, even just part time? I think work gives more than money, especially if it’s something you like doing. Or maybe volunteering?

Loneliness is insidious, but I think this sounds more about identity. What makes you you? For me, I always feel better if I have semi stylish clothes and nice hair, shallow I know. Do you want for anything for you?

@apples honestly nothing but maybe a partner for me.

Use your money wisely. Get off the dating sites, have some therapy to figure out who you are and what you want from life and then (only then) use a specialist to find the best potential fits.

Was you happier before you came into the money, could you recreate that life? Or did receive the money because your partner died?

I have had awful expereinces of online dating, but my sis and my friends have met lovely fellas online. All the ones I have met have huge baggage and are not in the right phase of their life to date (or thats the image the give me)

Also, stating the obvious be wary of advertising your new winfall.

How about a franchise or setting up a business (could be flexibe around schooling etc)

All the best x

Is the big life event the thing that's making you sad or depressed?

Why would you stop work? Were you happy when you did work? Have you ever had a job you really enjoyed?

Depends really if you’ve won the lottery or its inheritance/life insurance!
If the money has come at a cost of losing someone you loved of course you're going to feel rubbish.
Either way, you've just got to make the best of it. Theres no option for moping about if you've got young kids!
I’d suggest getting a part time job that you enjoy or volunteering, something that makes constructive use of your time and gives you purpose.

I know a bit how you feel - we have sold part of our business for lots of money and it’s a bit discombobulating now being able to afford things that are well above our friends/family’s means. We want to enjoy it, but don’t want to be seen as gloating or showing off…it’s a tricky line to walk!
And also hard not to be flat out working 24/7 which is what we’ve been used to all our adult lives.