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TW - 'right to die'

10 replies

Spooky2000 · 11/10/2025 22:52

I'm going to say something on here because I can't say it in RL. Please don't mention therapy and meds, as I have both.

In Feb this year, I wasn't in a good place. I was suspended from work because my abusive ex made an allegation about me - entirely without foundation - that because of my profession, meant I had to be suspended, pending the outcome.

Still. I kept my head up - I have a roof over my head, can pay the bills and I'd applied for a mortgage and had a deposit. My kids were doing OK (I thought) and I'd applied for another job. I thought by September, I'll have a new job, a house and this will all be dealt with and carry on. I've had a lot of adverse circumstances in my life - abusive mum, kicked out at 15, I was a teenage mum who didn't bond and had severe PND, cancer, suicide of partner etc...

Then my son died 2 months later - took his own life, as his dad had. I had bought this house because I needed somewhere to live paid off by the time I retired and thought well, need something to leave to the kids after that. So practical reasons for the purchase.

Now in September, the house move still hasn't happened and I feel I'm being strung along by the vendors. I got the new job but have had to shell out a lot of money for the care of my dogs, so financially I'm no better off. I wanted to carry on with the purchase because I wanted something to leave my other kids, but it all seems a bit pointless...but I set up god knows how many different types of insurance, because I wanted to make sure they got something when I go.

As I'm no further along with the house, I'm really beginning to wonder what the point is. I've no garden for my elderly dog to wander around in (a reason for purchase, and she is now in palliative care). My son has gone, so even if I'd moved in, the girls get 'more' when the main reason I was buying it was to leave him the bulk, as he had nothing. The job is easy enough and suits me. The main reasons for going ahead with the purchase have/are disappearing. I just wanted to get it, move in, wait a few months and then frankly, take my own life. I'm tired and I've been through enough.

The reason for my TW is that I feel it is my 'right' to say I've had enough, I'm tired and I want to go, but obviously people feel horrified when I've alluded to this. To take one's own life just isn't the done thing, but I feel it's my right to choose when I go and how. I don't expect anyone to support me, obviously. I just want the right to choose when I go and given the house hasn't moved along, this is the only thing that has kept me tied to this world because I want to make sure that my other kids get something, but it's just not happening.

To the outside world, you'd not really know this is what I'm thinking. You wouldn't know that I want the damned house sorted so I can hang about for a bit and then go and let the insurances kick in. I'm not close to my girls particularly because I always struggled with being a mum (caught every single time on contraception - not their fault, but it means I didn't do well as a parent). I just needed to get off my chest that I'm ready, but I can't, because everything isn't 'sorted' yet, and I'm getting increasingly angry and upset about that.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Keepingthingsinteresting · 11/10/2025 23:25

Hi @Spooky2000 . I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, it sounds incredibly difficult. Is there anything in your life that gives you pleasure, or that you see might once the challenges of the moment pass? You mentioned your dogs- what are they like?

Personally I agree that ending your life is entirely your decision, but it is inevitably hard on those left behind and people having suicidal thoughts often find they pass as time moves on.

LadyGAgain · 11/10/2025 23:28

Didn’t want to read and run.
im so sorry for the loss of your son and his father.
the feeling of hopelessness is imaginable.
you have other children so perhaps that becomes your reason to stay,
I don’t disagree with you about your right to choose. But the danger is that the choice is made at a time when hope is gone however with a turning point there may still be joy.
please call the Samaritans. They are so brilliant, sending you love OP.

Smleps · 12/10/2025 09:26

Bless you. I agree it is your right to choose but you’re also choosing for your girls too. Please, please try to find something to enjoy and find some contentment in life. How old are you?

CoralMumsnet · 12/10/2025 11:24

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].
Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Samaritans - Here to listen

Samaritans works to make sure there’s always someone there for anyone who needs someone. Read more.

https://www.samaritans.org/

DoubleShotEspressox · 12/10/2025 11:31

I don’t disagree with you Op but I would check your insurances very carefully - they won’t cover suicide and instead of leaving your girls a nest egg you could just leave mountains of admin and heartbreak.

Also, as the child of a parent who took their own life, my life has been marred ever since in every aspect. I know you’re tired and it feels shit but you have a lot to live for. Don’t give them that life sentence too.

Sunshineandrainbow · 12/10/2025 11:38

I agree it's your right to choose but please think about your girls too.

What would help you get through today?

Keep posting @Spooky2000

HadEnoughOfThisLife · 12/10/2025 11:45

I agree with you OP that death can be a logical solution and I started a thread on a similar topic recently. I wouldn’t claim to be in the same mental state as you; have been through a lot that I haven’t.
Some of the responses, in between the ‘join a club/do yoga/find god ones, were very thought provoking for me.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/5418266-what-is-the-point-of-carrying-on-with-my-life?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Spooky2000 · 12/10/2025 13:01

Thank you for your responses. I really don't feel that there's anything left for me. I'm 54. Not 'old' by any stretch of the imagination, but losing my 'favourite' dog as she's in palliative care (and I'm hundreds of miles away on training, which I can't get out of) is also really upsetting for me. It was her that I was buying the house for really, to enjoy what I knew would be the last 12 months of her life. It's just been denied to me with excuse after excuse from the vendors. I've had to get a mortgage 'timeout' extension, as they've still not moved forward in any way, and the offer was accepted in March. I'm really angry as I feel that they want me to pull out so they can re-market it for more money without the 'guilt' of wasting my time. I know that seems contrived, but it doesn't make any sense that we're no further forward this long on. I've made the decision that when this extension expires, I'm pulling out as they don't seem to be serious about moving things forward. The solicitor doesn't understand what's going on, either.

My girls are very tough. I've spoken with one and told her that this was part of my 'plan' and she respects that I've done what I can, and I specifically got insurance policies that cover my death after a set period of time has passed. We have their brothers/my sons inquest at the end of this month. The house, his passing, my dog - nothing has gone as I hoped and I don't see a future. I really don't. I have only kept going to get this house and it's not working out.

I think the Samaritans are not very good any more tbf. They're treated as a charitable version of a MH service by the government and when you phone up, it's ages to speak with someone and they can only allocate a set amount of time. Plus, I have therapy and meds anyway, and it's not like they're not working it's just that I am disengaging. I feel very calm about it all and am trying to set things up, but feel thwarted.

If you were to meet me in real life, you'd have no idea that these are my plans, at all.

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 12/10/2025 13:34

I’m really sorry you are feeling like this and I’m sorry to hear about your son. It sounds like you have been through and are going through a lot, let alone then adding a stressful house purchase and your lovely dog on top. xx

Smleps · 13/10/2025 19:30

Oh love - it sounds like you’ve had such a horrible time. I’m so sorry. Xxx

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