Mental Health - would it stop you having another one?

[Sbrown32]

I am currently pregnant with my first and mostly the pregnancy has been relatively easy, I had a little bit of morning sickness etc but easy otherwise. This being said, my mental health has plummeted significantly, I have always suffered from anxiety but this is something else! It's affecting my day to day life and although I have an amazing support network its just to much at times.

I have always wanted two children but I have already decided that I can't do this again. Has anyone else experience this? Has it affected your decision to have another one?

I didn't have this during pregnancy but when ds was a baby. I found it extremely hard and I really struggled, my mental health has never been so bad. I didn't have another. All my friends with 2 kids seemed to have them arguing and fighting half the time and i couldn't have coped with that either.

I'm bipolar and I knew that this would mean I was high risk of having a severe mental health episode during pregnancy or after birth. I had my daughter in 2020 and did get acutely unwell, it took 2 years to recover and involved a 10 week stay in a mother and baby unit. At the time we couldn't comprehend doing it again. When our daughter was 3 weeks started to feel like maybe we could manage it again. I approached my doctor and changed my medication to ones that are safe to conceive on. This took 8 months, I had some counselling with my daughters HV and came to the conclusion that we learnt a lot and hopefully even if I got unwell again we would have more support as long as there wasn't another pandemic and I'd get good support.
I went on to have 2 miscarriages in 6 months and we decided we had one more go in us before accepting we are a happy family of 3. As it happened I fell pregnant almost immediately after the last miscarriage and he's now 1 month old and my eldest is 5. I have been under the perinatal team since midway through my pregnancy. I had an appointment with the obstetrician that specialises in mental health and had access to the mental health midwives. I had a bit of low mood in pregnancy so saw the psychiatrist every 2 weeks in pregnancy. The low mood resolved itself but since birth it has returned. My consultant has been proactive in restarting me on an antidepressant. I'm seeing a cpn every other week and the HV on the alternate week.

What support do you have in this pregnancy?

Yes it would stop me if my MH got that bad. Having said that remember it is normal to be anxious during pregnancy - all these pictures of “glowing” women in the media mask the reality that most of us are a bit terrified of things going wrong with the pregnancy, of the financial implications of having a baby, and the strain of having a baby on a relationship.

I would definitely recommend taking time to relax every single day - some yoga or a walk or some music - actively practise being calm. I found it does help.

For me the first 8 months post-natal with dc1 were the most difficult I’ve ever faced.

I had a very big age gap between my kids - in that time my mh improved and i felt ready to try again. Two kids both under five would have broken me.

Exactly this, and now have a very happy only child

I couldn't even begin to imagine what that must have been like for you! I am glad you have lots of support and I am also under the perinatal mental health team and light/peer support have been good.

I am at a slight risk of mental health once baby is born due to immediate family history but I am lucky and have amazing family and friends also.

Is there anything that you would recommend doing that I can do for myself aside the mental health team etc?

I really hope you are okay now? Managing well. I am sorry about the late reply reply, new to this and I didn't get a notification 🙃

I completely understand, everyone keeps saying wait until your baby is here and you will change your mind but honestly I can't see it happening. I will see how I am once baby is here but I think from how I have been during this pregnancy I will struggle too.

I think its shocking me more than anything how bad it can get! I have always been strong and yes had my moments of depression/anxiety but during pregnancy its been a whole new level.

Thank you for your advice, I have cut down my social media usage because it really wasn't helping, try not to watch the news and actually getting out more and seeing people. Alongside the perinatal team my mood has improved and I am actually getting some days where I don't feel to bad.

I know, I don't think I could do it either tbh. I am happy to sick to one!

I did want three children but was very low after the birth of my second that we decided not to go ahead with the third. I had very little support at that time and didn’t feel heard by gp etc.

Exactly the same as me.. he's 7 now and I'm so happy with my decision to just have 1!

Had terrible MH when DD was a baby and all the way until she was nearly four. Really struggled over whether or not to have another and it was eating me up inside. After years and feeling certain I would never do it again I did, no anxiety this time, no regrets.

I couldn't give up smoking with my first due to mh problems. I smoke less but I couldn't give it up even though I knew it would hurt my baby and I cried while inhaling. Had number 2 3 years later and no problem giving up smoking. My baby gave me strength and helped my mh; I focussed on him and forgot myself which in my case was a very good thing. So don't write off baby no 2 yet!