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Have you ever told a manager about your mental health?

61 replies

CarrotCrusader · 08/10/2025 14:51

I have told mine. Nothing was done about the stuff that was affecting my MH (workloads and too little staff to support). Told another big boss and asked for reassurance of what was going to happen on a certain day which was different from the norm and explained it was because I have severe anxiety. He did explain what was going to happen and I thanked him but now I'm thinking allsorts and that he's going to think I'm incapable and not resilient. It would be good to hear your experiences.

OP posts:
TiggersTheOnlyOne · 08/10/2025 19:05

Yes, I’ve told management in the past. I can’t complain they don make adjustments for me if they don’t know I need them. They’ve always been very good. If you approach them with any problem they are great, if you don’t tell them and expect them to mind read they are less helpful. Same with people
who claim mental health issues but don’t seek any help for it just expect to be given less work, more sick leave without triggering absence procedure.

Newnamethisway · 08/10/2025 19:10

Unfortunately I’ve had to and really wish that I hadn’t needed to. Left due to it as well. Current job was fine for first 4years until our clients got much more vulnerable and I couldn’t cope after safeguarding someone. Since then my MH hasn’t been stable so have had reasonable adjustments. (I’m not a health professional or in social care/work). Since it happened managers have been pretty good meaning I have been able to work. I just hate my MH.

TheeNotoriousPIG · 08/10/2025 19:29

Someone else told my manager. He fosters an environment that encourages people to snitch on each other. Those that do not snitch are his least favourites (after women, so I'm bottom of the heap on both counts!).

He asked me what causes my anxiety to flare up. I wasn't brave enough to say, "You!" I don't think anyone has been so brave and reckless, but it is the truth... he is our well-being problem, everyone knows it, and we are just waiting for him to retire or die 😳

VoltaireMittyDream · 08/10/2025 19:33

I used to work in workplace mental health and found that a lot of people had unrealistic expectations of what was within their managers’ power to do, to accommodate their difficulties.

And a lot of this is the fault of misleading, awareness-raising, purportedly stigma-busting, ‘reach out and talk about your mental health!’ messaging - which is for the most part just fluff and PR with little infrastructure or expertise to back it up.

Most people are not skilled, trained or even just basically emotionally and intuitively equipped to handle others’ mental health issues. Particularly anything beyond mild depression or generalised anxiety.

And if you have a team where the majority of staff have MH issues or ND diagnoses (as is fairly common in some lines of work) it is often just not possible from a practical standpoint to accommodate everyone when their needs are often in conflict.

And sometimes we need more support than our workplace is resourced to provide. You may need a weekly one to one with your manager and someone to manage your diary in order to work your best and feel okay, but this is unlikely to be possible in a small organisation running on a skeleton staff with very tight margins.

So while your workplace might be able to make some accommodations and point you in the direction of support services, they should not be your first port of call for emotional support. A lot of workplaces don’t make this clear enough.

Also, if your manager has form for being a complete dick, don’t expect this to change if you disclose your mental health difficulties!

You’d think this was obvious, but SO many people I saw just kept on seeking and expecting help and support from people they knew to be total arseholes. saying things like, ‘as my manager, he should want the best for me!’ When it was clear as day that as well as being a manager, he was also a useless and untrustworthy turd who you wouldn’t want to know your vulnerabilities. And unfortunately you can’t change someone’s shitty personality as an accommodation. Much as that would be nice.

Find the people in your workplace who are decent and fair and supportive, and talk to them about what might help.

If you are looking for particular accommodations, ask for those, or ask HR what accommodations others have found helpful in similar situations.

Speak to your union if you have one, if there are issues around bullying or unfair practices.

But it’s also important to recognise that some accommodations just aren’t going to be possible. One I saw a lot was staff wanting essentially never to have to be surprised by anything - to have loads of advance notice of any changes to the workflow or the environment or the personnel etc. But the organisation itself doesn’t always have loads of notice of big changes. Nobody can give you advance notice of a hostile takeover, or a warehouse fire, or your manager dropping dead of a heart attack.

Most accommodations (apart from things like anccessibity equipment or ergonomic stuff) are things the workplace will commit to trying their best to do in good faith, but can’t always guarantee.

Ultimately our mental health is our own to manage, and if our workplace is frequently triggering us it may be that it’s not the right environment for us, and can never be made to be, and we may find everything much easier in a different role or organisation. (This is the case for anyone really, regardless of mental health or disability status).

It sucks when things are hard - but more than half the battle is looking for support in the right places.

Harriet9955 · 08/10/2025 19:38

I regularly tell her that I am stressed and overworked, that I very much dislke my job and that I have a colleague in our very small team who sits at her desk all day doing nothing and nothing is ever done about it. Sometimes my manager smiles and sometimes shrugs her shoulders and say "hey ho". Her total inability to mange her team effectively is the root of my problems. She fails to train other team members adequately or encourage them to learn additional skills therefore all the complex cases fall to me and there is no-one to share the load.

LadyBrendaLast · 08/10/2025 19:43

Yes I have.

Never again. It turned round and bit me pretty hard.

Like a PP, I blame all this "Bring you whole self to work". Not a chance.

VoltaireMittyDream · 08/10/2025 19:49

Harriet9955 · 08/10/2025 19:38

I regularly tell her that I am stressed and overworked, that I very much dislke my job and that I have a colleague in our very small team who sits at her desk all day doing nothing and nothing is ever done about it. Sometimes my manager smiles and sometimes shrugs her shoulders and say "hey ho". Her total inability to mange her team effectively is the root of my problems. She fails to train other team members adequately or encourage them to learn additional skills therefore all the complex cases fall to me and there is no-one to share the load.

Edited

That sounds like a shit manager problem more than a mental health one, TBH. Sorry you’re having to deal with this. 😕

louderthan · 08/10/2025 19:53

I work in a university and have found that support is really good. I’ve had a reasonable adjustment in place for two years that is directly related to my mental health and my manager has been incredibly supportive, it was her suggestion in fact.
I suspect it helps that we are a heavily unionised workforce and senior managers/HR get very twitchy if work-related stress is mentioned…!
For a long time our branch chair was a law lecturer, who specialised in employment law. Nothing got past him!

ApplesCrumbleButtons · 08/10/2025 19:55

Buscake · 08/10/2025 18:55

I have cPTSD and have always been open with my managers about this. I have always been told what a help it is for them to know, and they have made reasonable adjustments for me across so many areas of work. Without the support I’ve had this past year after escaping DV I would have had to leave. I am struggling hugely at the moment but my (v v senior) manager keeps reassuring me that my feelings are valid, my reactions are normal for me and that we are all human and alL go through hell at times. Hearing her tell me that it is normal to feel this way helps me to feel more normal.

in turn I manage my team very openly and encourage them to share their lives and difficulties. They have all disclosed MH issues to me, and I have responded to these by making RAs and being considerate when allocating casework etc, bearing everyone’s individual needs in mind. I truly believe this is the way to be - I will continue to treat my team the way I want to be treated.

Same. I have PTSD and a couple of other things. I made a decision a while ago that I would never stay in a role that was bad for my mental health and that helps. I try and look for solutions and learn from mistakes - being compassionate to myself has been a huge step.

TheDenimPoet · 08/10/2025 20:29

I have, because it was affecting my work, and I hate producing anything other than perfect work. The manager was quite new and I wanted to make sure they knew that this first impression wasn't me at all, and that I'd been there for the past 10 years doing some fantastic work! They were very understanding.

GingerPaste · 08/10/2025 20:36

No, I’ve not disclosed any mental health issues and wouldn’t unless it was absolutely necessary. Totally agree with @VoltaireMittyDream.

CarrotCrusader · 09/10/2025 06:51

Thanks everyone. I'm going to plod on.

I do work very hard, get excellent results and so I hope managers know I'm doing my very best and not trying to get out of work.

OP posts:
RyanFudgingMurphy · 09/10/2025 07:02

My employer is big on World Mental Health Day etc, lots of encouraging emails and notices on staff room boards, all that. But when I was struggling and went to my manager for assistance he said I was lying and just looking for time off at his expense. The sickness target is zero at my place, and managers get bonuses for achieving that.

Velvian · 09/10/2025 07:08

Ive become extremely cynical about mental health awareness drives at work. IME, the managers want the personal information about their employees. They speak extremely dismissively and disrespectully in management meetings and are forearmed to consider dismissal routes.

I'm lucky to be 4/5 WFH these days, but I find it better for my MH to keep my private life to myself (other than surface level chit chat) and carry on working.

If I'm feeling overloaded with work, I speak up about that and give examples. I assume the position of the employer being a problem in that instance, rather than me (I'm very polite about it.). It serves me quite well.

Even if the employer 'cares' about their employees, the managers lower down the chain can often not be trusted to act in the best interests of their reports.

SisterTeatime · 09/10/2025 07:31

I agree with @VoltaireMittyDream My previous manager gave me a Mind questionnaire to fill in when she started. I’d been a massively overloaded lynchpin in a tiny team for ages and was probably showing visible signs of stress to a new person coming in. That was incredibly helpful, as it didn’t talk directly about MH issues but gave the opportunity to note signs of stress, coping strategies, relating to workplace and workload, not MH. it facilitated sensible conversations between us without us having to refer to it directly.

In the same workplace I have witnessed anxiety being really badly managed by managers who lack understanding and are the type who think they don’t need any training and just being ‘nice’ is all that’s needed … it’s bad for the employee and really unfair on their team, who have to pick up all the slack but aren’t allowed to talk about it.

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 09/10/2025 07:42

I have had multiple staff members talk to me about their mental health as their manager. I hope I have always been supportive. I have quite a complex mental health history myself, which I am selectively open about. I have always agreed any reasonable adjustments that are within my power (or within my power to advocate for) and which are genuinely reasonable. Occasionally people do think I can/should do things I cannot - not all suggested reasonable adjustments are reasonable in context, and I can't get more staff, that isn't in my gift. An awful lot of my job is trying to argue that my area needs more staff and/or less work, and I do manage to protect staff from a lot (which they don't always see) but I am not the final decision maker, and nor is my own manager, the department head. To a certain extent we're just sucking it up too. I have found that people often really, really don't want an OH referral but our policies are very clear that as a manager that's my responsibility to arrange if someone discloses mental health issues, especially if there is any element of work related stress.

daffodilandtulip · 09/10/2025 07:44

Yes. I was just disciplined for sickness. I worked in NHS mental health at the time 😂

Shellyash · 09/10/2025 07:48

BeeCucumber · 08/10/2025 15:41

You should never share your mental or physical health issues with your employer. It will count against you and it will stop you getting promoted and it will make it easier to make you redundant. They will pretend to care and have many policies relating to “wellness” and such. Ultimately, if you start to cost them time and money - you will be managed out or put under so much stress that you resign.

Yes i can confirm that. But normally the said team member doesn't fit in with the culture of the company so tends to leave on their own accord.

leopardprintismyfavourite · 09/10/2025 07:50

I do, and my team do with me and my boss does with me too. But that is our organisational culture, we are in a position where we serve a demographic of people who often have poor mental health and so have a huge awareness of mental health. I have a much stronger, higher performing team because of it. We have all learned to support each other and so if one of us is flying and another one is struggling, we carry them. No one is 100% all of the time, believing that we are only sets you up for disappointment.

CarrotCrusader · 09/10/2025 08:01

Thanks everyone. It's good to hear some employers are supportive and the managers on here who have supported staff going through mental health turmoil.

OP posts:
MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 09/10/2025 08:27

leopardprintismyfavourite · 09/10/2025 07:50

I do, and my team do with me and my boss does with me too. But that is our organisational culture, we are in a position where we serve a demographic of people who often have poor mental health and so have a huge awareness of mental health. I have a much stronger, higher performing team because of it. We have all learned to support each other and so if one of us is flying and another one is struggling, we carry them. No one is 100% all of the time, believing that we are only sets you up for disappointment.

I really wish that was how it worked for us, but I just don't feel it does all just balance out in practice for us. In practice I am constantly struggling to avoid a situation where we have reliable people, who get more and more piled on and resentful, and then people who, often through very legitimate issues they can't help, take more than they give. It is complex. I have a member of staff who, due to autism, really, really struggles to pick up any unexpected work - it causes them significant anxiety - and so to cover. The original recommendation from OH was that they be given all work in writing three months in advance of any deadline - that is madly unworkable in our context, so was documented as not reasonable, but I try and keep as close as I can, so never ask them to cover for anyone else. To avoid that impacting on the rest of the team as badly as it otherwise would, I inevitably do any work that I would have asked them to, adding further to how far over my hours I work. This is genuinely the most compassionate solution I have at my disposal, but it's not great (and presumably should be as unsatisfactory to my manager as the rest of the team having to cover the extra work is to me).

Howinthehelldidthishappen · 09/10/2025 08:34

No. I have never had a manager that I would trust that much to open up to them. Just wouldn't happen.

RedSkyatNight25 · 09/10/2025 08:39

Only once during Covid, I was WFH with a 1 year old, DH working away from home (key worker) I was not elected a key worker so couldn’t access childcare but was an “essential worker” and still had to work. Couldn’t be furloughed because I worked for local authority and they wouldn’t furlough. DH also has an older autistic child and wasn’t able to have both children together so I couldn’t work weekends.

I was on my knees. Asked my manager if I could go off unpaid, she said no and recommended a play pen.

Aweekoffwork · 09/10/2025 08:51

I have had sleepless nights and took a week off annual leave because of a bullying, unreasonable boss who had gradually got more nasty over the 13 years I worked for him (he was the sole proprietor of a small business)

It all built up, I was unable to reason with him (none of his numerous staff lasted much more than three months and usually left in tears).I left in the end..

I never thought of it as my poor mental health - it was his narcissistic behaviour!

Shutuptrevor · 09/10/2025 08:53

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 09/10/2025 08:27

I really wish that was how it worked for us, but I just don't feel it does all just balance out in practice for us. In practice I am constantly struggling to avoid a situation where we have reliable people, who get more and more piled on and resentful, and then people who, often through very legitimate issues they can't help, take more than they give. It is complex. I have a member of staff who, due to autism, really, really struggles to pick up any unexpected work - it causes them significant anxiety - and so to cover. The original recommendation from OH was that they be given all work in writing three months in advance of any deadline - that is madly unworkable in our context, so was documented as not reasonable, but I try and keep as close as I can, so never ask them to cover for anyone else. To avoid that impacting on the rest of the team as badly as it otherwise would, I inevitably do any work that I would have asked them to, adding further to how far over my hours I work. This is genuinely the most compassionate solution I have at my disposal, but it's not great (and presumably should be as unsatisfactory to my manager as the rest of the team having to cover the extra work is to me).

Could part of their professional and personal development goals be for the two of you to work on strategies to help them cope with this better?