**trigger warning** Possible PTSD?

[Newname1010]

I’m a long time regular but have name changed for this as it’s outing.

A few years ago a close relative tried to take their life. I’ve had lots of therapy and counselling but can still be easily triggered.

My job role has been changed and there is now a strong possibility that I will speak to people in mental health crisis over the phone. Not daily, but every four or so weeks when I’m working in a different team.

I’ve spoken to my manager and some measures have been put in place.

I’ve been really anxious about the change, and have discussed it in therapy. The therapist has suggested I may have PTSD. Knowing a little about this I feel they may be right.

I know I could change my job but I do actually like what I do, been in the same team for years and if I’m honest I’m not really up for learning new systems, new colleagues etc.

Is it worth pursuing a diagnosis? What difference will it actually make?

A diagnosis might be helpful in the sense there are known therapies that help some people with PTSD, but ultimately it doesn't change you or how you react to situations. And it doesn't change the fact that the person on the end of the phone is incredibly vulnerable and these are difficult conversations even for people who don't find them triggering. I think you need to give serious thoughts to whether you can do your job justice (at best) and whether it may lead to harm to you or them if you are having a bad day and get an emotional call.

Thank you @Ciderapplevinegar. I’ve supported people in crisis, and always been professional and my own situation hasn’t affected them.

The difference is now knowing I’ll be winning in a different team every few weeks and the build up to that. We’ve had a slow introduction to the new way of working so I’ve done a day alternate weeks so far. The build up is awful, flashbacks, dreaming about the incident, anxiety.

I know that I will be nothing but professional when in the situation though.

I went to the Gp with symptoms . I have no idea if it was a diagnosis but they said people have ptsd for a lot less. I specifically went with to ask about emdr as I'd heard of it. They referred me to talking Therapies. It was extremely hard to do the assessment as had to re explain everything I was experiencing. They kept asking me loads of questions to see if they were flashbacks. Anyway long story short I was accepted for EMDR and it was life changing.

I'm having it atm for something simular OP, I'm around the thing that my trauma relates to every day at work.

I've had PTSD for 7-8 years but have largely managed it until recently. I've had lots of counselling and therapy and the tools I've learned have helped me to keep it at a low level but it never goes away completely.
Avoiding the trigger is a symptom of the disorder but to turn it round and face it is so difficult to do. If you are going to do that then it's important to be in a good place to start with - which it doesn't sound like you are at the moment.
I know I'm just a random on the internet but could you agree a 'what if?' plan with your line manager? It might help you to have assurance that they've got your back if it gets too much.
I'm so sorry you're at the flashback stage. I think that's the worst and that's when I ask the GP for extra help.

I’m so glad the EMDR has been effective for you @ApplesCrumbleButtons

Thanks for the advice @Willowkins. I have discussed with my manager and we do have a plan. It’s not fail safe but it will definitely help.

I agree the flashbacks are awful, I’ve been dreaming as well, not just about the event but about the family member in different scenarios with me.

Its affecting me more than I thought is would, both physically and mentally.

I also wanted to share a huge realisation I had from EMDR therapy - one of the things I'd forgotten was the (perfectly rational) thought how will I cope. The further I got from the event the more I forgot this. I've just remembered it now and am going back to look at worries and make sure I have tools and resources (plans) for these. The EMDR also helps with placing the memory in the past so you aren't as overwhelmed by it - moving it out of working memory where the emotions of it are taking up all your functioning headspace . Something like that anyway.

Flashbacks and nightmares are definitely a symptom of PTSD - look at NiCE guidelines for treatment of PtSd.

Thank you, that’s a really useful insight